Snow Removal

   It's all over the news here how this January is the snowiest month we've ever had since they started keeping records. We've had about a storm a week. Snow has covered the ground for over a month. Many people haven't been able to take their Christmas decorations down because of it. So glad I ran out there when I did on the day before one of the bigger snow storms we had and got them all down. Sure I had to dig a little through the snow to get the wires out but that was only 2-3 inches. Now we've got double covering the ground. I really don't mind all the snow as long as I don't have to drive in it.

   I've never had a problem shoveling it all. It gets me out of the house on the cold days and into the sun if it's shining. It forces me to get some exercise in. I just feel better when my car, driveway, and walkway are all cleared off, just incase I have to go somewhere. I am lucky that my boys are old enough to be forced to help do some of the cleaning. It makes it quicker and I don't have to do it all. It wouldn't be all that bad if I had too. I learned from my dad that it's ok to not do it all at once, take breaks, come in and go back out to it as often as you need too, as long as it gets done. So when I take my first break I send someone else out. Even my husband. Especially now since he complained about the job the boys had done after one storm but I realized later he didn't once pick up a shovel and do any clean up on that one himself. No more. I grew up with my dad shoveling out everything for everyone else in the house before he left in the early am. Rob leaves about the same time but doesn't do the clean up. It used to bug the crap out of me but by now I've gotten used to it.
   We have a Saturn Relay, a big van/suv type thing, so it's high. I do not use that as an excuse to leave all the snow on top to fly off into someone else when I drive it. I climb up on that sucker and knock off all of it. Or make the kids. It makes me crazy seeing the amount of lazy people that can't be bothered doing this. Maybe they don't care. Maybe they've never been behind someone as inconsiderate as themselves and have to deal with it. They're attempting to make it a law that you have to clear off the snow. I doubt it'll happen and even if it does it'll be like cell phones that we all still use in the car. Of course the law on that states you cannot be pulled over just for being on the phone. They have to get you on something else first and then can nab you with the phone.

   Dropping off Jake at school earlier I was behind one of these lovely people. She actually turned into the school also. I assumed a teacher coming back from lunch as she had no child to drop off. Shouldn't she know better? There were quite a lot of cars, check that, vans and suvs mostly, in the school parking lot with snow covering their roofs. As I left the lot I thought how much fun it would have been to leave little notes on each of their windsheilds saying to clean it off and how rude and selfish they were to other drivers! I did not go back and do this but I may next time. Just seems like too much fun. As long as no one sees me doing it.

    On my way home I watched in disbelief as a car dealership, Generation Kia on Rte 112, was plowing out their parking lot and putting the snow into the middle of Rte 112! I had passed the pile on the way and wondered how in the world it had gotten there. Now I knew. And it really pissed me off. I thought how we pay all these taxes for the town to clean the road of snow and they had done a good job and here these losers were putting it back. Freaking Ridiculous! I had to call someone. I called the town catch all number and was told that Rte 112 is a state road and given the states' phone number. The guy also told me though that in the town of Brookhaven there is no law, ordinance, or anything that says you can't plow your snow into the middle of the road after it's been plowed! So you want to throw your snow onto the nice plowed road we all paid to have cleaned; go for it. There's nothing to stop you. Of course you won't win over your neighbors I'm sure, but hey there are a lot of selfish people out there that don't care for anyone but themselves. You know who they are by the snow covering their car roofs.

    I did not call the State DOT. I figured if the town didn't have anything there wasn't a real good chance the state would. How gross. What a waste of money and what and incredible act of rudeness. I know I'll never go there for a car and I hope that anyone who reads this won't either. Do the right thing when it comes to the snow people. Yeah we're all pretty sick of it but that little extra effort won't kill you. That chunk of ice flying off your car could.

Praise

     A few weeks ago my mother-in-law was telling me how much she loved my blog. What she thought about certain entries and how much she enjoyed reading them. She went on and on for a bit my husband was worried something was wrong we were getting along so well. This came a few weeks after her admitting to me that she was reading it. She wasn't sure how I'd feel about it, felt like she was stalking it and needed to come clean. I had figured she was already reading it once I knew my sister-in-law was. If I'm choosing to put it all out there for anyone and everyone I can't exactly try to keep people from reading it. That sort of defeats the purpose of even doing this. I wouldn't go so far as to say she is my ideal reader, what I envisioned when I started this, but I certainly don't mind. How could I not when she's one of the few consistantly telling me what she likes about it and to "keep writing."
    I do not take criticism well. Not at all. I'm quite hard on myself when it comes to my writing which is why when I first started this years ago I didn't even edit my posts, figuring I'd hate them and never publish anything. Of course editing is all a part of the writing process and if I wanted this to be any good, or worth reading I needed to suck it up and do it right. I get discouraged easily, like when I found out my husband wasn't even reading them. It hurt a lot and I figured if he didn't even care what I had to say why bother? Eventually I got over that, realizing that he's stuck listening to what I have to say here at home all the time.  There is such a thing as too much. Even as paranoid a person as I am I still don't facebook-stalk him every day, more like every other week or so.
     I don't exactly have the best drive to keep me going, I guess. It comes and goes which is why I disappear for a week or two here and there on you guys. I get discouraged easily and give up for awhile. But being writing is such a passion I always seem to come back. Praise or no praise, because sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. Checking my stats and seeing someone is checking my page once a day no matter what even when I've been neglecting it makes me feel I need to get my act together and give them something new.
     In high school a friend and I planned to try out for the talent show. She had written a song and we were singing it together. I will never forget being at her house sitting at the piano practicing this song with her. When we finished her mom, dad, and even her little brother clapped for us and told us how well they thought we did. I was amazed. I never had this kind of treatment from anyone in my family before. Her whole family appreciated what we had done and showed it. It felt great. I still can't forget that feeling there in her house that day. And to this day I still know had we been in my house instead we'd have been made fun of.
    Everyone grows up different with different experiences and when I think about stuff like this I hope I'm praising my kids enough. I know I don't as I learned much better how to be critical. But I'm trying and that's all I can do. I know how much priase means to me. When I first left my job and started this blog I got comments and emails from people that made me feel good. For awhile I had them taped up by my desk to remind me. At one of my low points awhile ago I took them all down. I did not toss them of course but put them away somewhere. Words are so powerful and I have to remind myself of that more and more when talking to my kids.
     I'm trying to change but I know my mother cannot or will not. I don't contact her as much as I should. I've distanced myself over the years somewhat, feeling it in my best interest. I shudder to think what she would have to say if she was a reader of my blog. Thankfully she does not even own a computer and has no intention of doing so, probably ever. One of my sisters knows about it but I don't think she's a dedicated reader. The other sister and my brother may know and may read but I have no clue. Same goes for my dad but he's never been much of a talker so he'd probably never tell me. It's my choice to put it out there. It's my choice to write. It's my time. It's yours too, if you choose to spend it reading my words.
   Oh, and if you're wondering my friend and I didn't make it into the talent show but still being able to hear her family clapping for us is plenty good enough for me.

Attack of the Zombies

    After Christmas we took the desk and computer out of Jake's room. It was too big and bulky; the desk, too old and slow; the computer. It was a waste of space and for a four and a half year old the space is better used filled with his toys. There is plenty of time for desks with computers. Jake also hardly played it and when he did it was a pain because it was old and slow the games he wanted took forever to work if they did even work. Out it went. I figured it was no big thing because he mostly used my laptop here downstairs anyway when he wanted to play. Then came the Zombies!    I'm not sure when my husband first started playing this game called "Plants Vs. Zombies." I do know he seemed to play it all the time. He'd bring his laptop all around the house with him, check him email, do some work, and then play the Zombie game. I made fun of it, but that was about it. Then Christmas break he was home with the kids and I and played probably everyday. I made fun, Emily made fun. Jacob started watching him play, Emily started watching him play. They had plenty of toys to play with and didn't care much about the game then. As the toys and everything else Christmas got put away they watched Rob play more and more and more. That eventually led to him leting them play too. He'd get home from work and Jake would bug Daddy to play the Zombie game because it was only on his computer. Not for long.
     Robert bought the game for his XBox 360. I figured Jake would now bug him about it playing. Didn't happen. Instead, Daddy got the Plants Vs. Zombies game on everyones' computer who wanted it. Mine, Emilys, and Andrews. So now five people in five different rooms could be playing the same silly game! I thought it was crazy but didn't care because it would be easier for Jake to play. Although I now had to try it to see what all the fuss was about. Also, Jake began to bug me to play it and help him and I didn't have a clue what to do so I had to learn. And we all became addicted. We'd check out who got what plants to see who was further in the game. Who had beaten what type of Zombie and crazy stuff like that. Daddy had long ago finished it so he didn't count but he knew a lot about it and helped everyone play.
    Jacob even learned how to turn on the computer and start up the game himself. One morning he was downstairs playing on my laptop before I even got out of bed. We have a baby gate keeping the dog in the kitchen/dining room area at night. Jake can't open it, but when I came down that morning his brothers had locked him in and left for school. Jake was in Zombie world and didn't really care, of course.
     I'd finally had it with Jake and the game. I was rarely getting on the computer because whenever I was able to he was there. Sure I could have kicked him off but it wasn't worth the hassle at the time. I took the laptop upstairs one night and kept it there figuring he wouldn't be able to get on until I did the next day. With the business of the morning and all the stuff I need (and like) to get done before I touch the computer it's just easier to let him play for awhile so I can get my stuff done. He looked for the computer at my desk and when it wasn't there said he was going up to get it. I laughed thinking there was no way he'd unplug it and bring it down when he found it in my room. How wrong I was! Not much later I heard him slowing walking down the stairs. The tell tale sound of the cord dragging down the steps with him. I couldn't believe it I had to laugh.
     Last night Jake let the dog eat some of his dinner so I told him no more computer for the night. Then Rob and I tried to watch a movie and he bugged and bugged me about playing. Finally I made a new deal he could play now if he didn't play at all today. I knew it wouldn't last but I am at least here first getting something done. Finally! His first question when he got up this morning was of course about playing the computer. When I reminded him about the deal he said, "I knew it!" And huffed out of the room. He has only been up an hour and I have no idea how many times he's already asked about the computer. I'm working on finding a happy medium between us and sharing the computer. So, more deals may be in the works. I'm happy I've finally gotten to blog here again as it's been way too long. But next up for me is to use the tv and exercise. To get him out of there I may just let him have a turn here on the computer. Provided I get a lot more turns in, as I should every day, and feel at least somewhat productive. In the meantime, Zombies are not my friends. I will not play until I've caught up and gotten in my writing each day. Unless of course I have to help Jake with his game. ;)

The Mall

    As the words, "I hate the mall" were coming out of my mouth while we were there on Saturday I knew they weren't really true. I was just quite frustrated and roasting at the moment. They certainly crank the heat in there and I had forgotten that. Too many years ago, my girlfriend and I would go to work with her mother and spend the entire day at the mall. Very convenient when she worked at Sears. With the right people I'm sure I could wile away many hours there still. With my entire family like on Saturday, not so much.
    My boys are old enough they could head out on their own and have a good time. With just Jake or just Emily I'm good. I only have to focus on one. Since their interests are quite different now both together is no picnic. Forget about looking at anything I might want to see my head already spinning in two oppsite directions it's safer to not go for three. Emily is reaching an age where she's into the mall. It's fun just to look and see everything even if you don't have the money to buy it.
    I guess that's why my friend and I could spend eight hours there and not get bored. Although then there was a movie theatre we'd usually go see something in and eat up about two hours. We'd play with all the pets in the petstore we could get our hands on. I even bought a kitten and brought it home once. My mom wasn't thrilled but we kept him. There were two toy stores to have fun and play in. And an arcade too. There were record stores we could spend lots of time in. As you can still do we would just hang out on a bench and look for hot guys, or people watch. If we wanted to be more comfortable we'd go to the furniture departments of the major stores and hang out there on some comfy chairs until they kicked us out. We'd go to PZAZ, the dressy dress store no longer in the mall, and try on a whole bunch of things. Of course there were many places we did that. And don't forget about hanging in the food court and getting a little something here and there and there that sort of made up a good lunch. We'd call friends from the payphones that probably don't even exist there anymore, to see if they could come down too. Or anyone we could think of just to kill some time and have fun. We knew every inch of the place as we were there quite often with her mom. It was alwyas a great day.
     I could spend a decent about of time there with Emily now looking around at all the clothing stores and things she's getting more into. The really sucky part of course is not being able to buy what she wants most of the time. We usually go there when she's got money to spend. Usually a gift card from someone for Christmas or her Birthday which is what brought us there partly on Saturday.
   Trying to help her pick out nice clothes and stuff she needs, or could use, is always fun. I'm learning what her taste and style is compared to my own so I never buy her something she doesn't like. I always hated getting things I knew I'd never wear. Nothing ever got returned so I never got anything better or that I wanted unless I used my own money those days at the mall. I don't want her to have to return anything I've chosen. I want to know her better than that.
    As I showed her things Saturday I made mental notes of the ones she liked and especially of the ones she didn't. She of course was focused on the toys in the store while I kept pulling her away to show her clothes.  Almost everything she did get I had shown her but there were plenty of other things I showed her she did not like. The outfit she picked and bought I was surprised about. Although her new favorite color is aqua-marine and that may just be why she chose the outfit she did because it is her favorite color.
     I never really took my older boys to the mall. It wasn't easy because there were always the two of them and again two different tastes and directions to go in. I also didn't have the money to spend there. I still don't but now remember how it's fun to go. And as long your buying something on sale, you can do ok. Jacob it's still all about the toys and fun stuff and every once in awhile likes the clothes. There really isn't any point to taking him there unless I want to go. Emily it's completely different. And yes probably because she is a girl. She gets the gift cards to shop, the boys never did, jake probably won't. She's into clothes and what she wears and how she looks. I'm having a lot of fun helping her pick out things to wear and get ready in the morning. Let's face it boy clothes just isn't fun. And boys themselves don't really get it or care. 
    Maybe it's a little adult playing doll dress up. But I never cared much what she wore before. It was what we could afford or what she got as cute presents mostly. There wasn't a lot of "Oh thats so cute! I have to get it for my little girl" going on. In fact there was none. I barely looked at anything else in the store except for what I needed and was there to buy.  Now there finally (sort of) can be and will be. But of course not just for her. Jacob is obsessed with the movie "Despicable Me" and loves the minions from it. I HAD to get him a shirt with them on it when I saw it in Target today. Just HAD TO. He was so excited when he came home from school and saw it. I knew he would be. He screamed about it and had to wear it for a bit until we convinced him to take it off and wear to school tomorrow.
    As I got older I went to the mall more with groups of friends to meet boys and hang out. Of course we still shopped and checked out the stores. And eventually got dresses from PZAZ for proms which made trying the dresses on there even more exciting. We were never there for eight hours though. Yet we still loved every minute of it. I'm sure Emily will want to hang out at the mall as she gets older too. I'm sure my husband won't like it but she'll certainly be allowed to. It's totally a girl thing. Although, I do remember plenty of boys hanging out there though I've no clue how much shopping they did.
    I hope Emily and I will get to have plenty of trips to the mall, just us, to enjoy being girls. Thats part of what a mom is for right? Funny, I never liked going to the mall with my mom. Loved it with my friends, never my mom. Maybe because I had sisters that always came too? Who knows. I just hope Emily enjoys going with me as much and as long as I do with her (probably forever). We've only had a handful of solo trips so far but she's still little yet and so far so good.   

Your Stuff

     You could buy your kid every toy in the world and they'd wind up sitting stored in a closet or under the bed and hardly ever played with. When your kid goes to a friends house and they have the same toy it's like a prize. They'll play with it all day and fight with their best friend over it too. It's always better when it's someone elses. It's ten times better when other people are interested in it too. Then everyone wants it. If it's something your kid doesn't have and because they loved it so much you eventually get it for them it will never be as good as the one at their friends house. Never. I think most moms know this.
     No one grows out of this. Why do you think we have such a saying as "keeping up with the jones'?" You always want what you have not got no matter how old you are. Or at the very least you want to check out and play with what you haven't got. We all get sick of our own stuff. That's why America is such a great land of consumers, and full of garbage. Everything gets tossed and replaced over and over again. Usually with something supposedly better, usually shinier and newer too. Of course that isn't always the way, yet we keep doing it. Its ingrained in us.
     I'm a nosy son of a gun. I've got no problem admitting it. I like being invited into your home to check out what you've got. I do not care how clean your place is. Sure I may notice those cobwebs up in the corner of your family room, but they're quickly forgotten as I scan the rest of the place. I know I am not alone in this or shows like Hoarders and Storage Wars wouldn't do so well. What kind of neat stuff do you have hanging around your place? We've all got something. And different people will be interested in different things. What's that hanging on your wall over there a piece of fine art or something one of your kids made? Sometimes its tough to tell.
     I was really surprised when at my Dads last week he put on Storage Wars and seemed to like it as much as I did. He then introduced me to another show called American Pickers on the History channel. His favorite channel that I never turn on. It was great. These guys drive around America picking through all those crazy peoples houses. You know the ones, piled high with what looks to be garbage mostly. They certainly find some neat stuff. Very entertaining. Especially if you like seeing other peoples stuff. It's amazing what people keep and save. Go take a crawl through your attic or crawlspace, what have you squirreled away? Anything that great? What would other people think about it? Why the heck did you even save it?
     Next enter your home like a stranger, what stands out to you? Anything fun and interesting? Plain blah walls with flower prints? Bright colors? Pictures of your kids? From your wedding? What can I learn about you from those pictures? What would you think? I've talked about my decorating scheme. I think my house is fun. How would you describe yours? What might your friends say about it when you're not around? I'm sure plenty of people think I'm a little nutty with all my Garfields. I certainly got that vibe off Andrews girlfriends mom when she came to pick her up. Oops. But it's me and I'm certainly not trying to hide who I am or what I like? Are you? Is your stuff?

 

Wedding Albums

     While un-decorating yesterday I had to climb up to reach to take some things down. While I was up there I took down my wedding album. You know those great big books all us married people have. We spent a whole bunch of money on this great book of pictures for our special day. How often do you really take it down or drag it out to look at? Seriously? Probably not even once a year. There was so much dust on mine. I'm sure it hasn't been moved since I placed it there, on the top of my huge bookcase in the living room, since that room became the living room, about 3 years ago.
     Now I don't think any of us are going to forget our wedding day. These pictures in these albums won't necessarily bring up other memories of the day as say candids might. Which is why I have two albums. One was all the professional shots. The other is all the candids everyone took at the reception with the cameras on their tables. It's those pictures that when I look at I remember the stories, either first hand or how it was told to me after asking about the photo. It was my wedding after all and there was plenty going on that I missed.
    I'm not thrilled with how I look in my wedding album. That, I'm sure, keeps me from looking at it more. I was heavier then than I am now. Sure only about 25lbs heavier by now. But a few years ago it was 55. Just knowing that fact annoys me. I want to get back there. Seeing me even heavier does not help the self image much you know. But I flipped through the pages of my book a bit and thought how I'd have to take it down when the kids were home from school next time. They'd surely get a kick out of seeing it. As I write that I'm not sure Emily or Jake have ever seen it at all. The boys of course were there for it but who knows what and how they remember it.
     My album also reminds me of before I ever even had it made. In recognition of my upcoming nuptuals the women I worked with at the library thought it'b be fun if they all brought in their own albums. I'm not even sure who came up with the idea, but it was a great one! It caught on like wildfire. For a good few weeks in the spring of 2001 the library break room was covered in wedding albums. We did try to keep them away from the table and anyone eating. We had so much fun trying to figure out whose album was whose. Many were 20 or more years old. Boy can people change. Although some were easily figured out others were quite hard. The styles of dress and hair were just so much fun to see from the different times. And the types of wedding. Whether formal or informal eveyone still had an album of pictures. How could you not? I'll never forget how much fun it was looking at everyone elses' albums. I liked it and remembered it often enough that I'd hoped to try to get them to do it again this year for my 10th wedding anniversary. Guess I won't be getting that chance.
     I keep my album in it's box up high and safe. I don't want it to be wrecked or ruined. Maybe once there really are no more babies in this house on an almost daily basis it'll come out for show more often. Or at least be moved to a more accessible place for more possible viewings. It was a good happy day. No matter what size my dress was. One that shouldn't be tucked neatly away in a box in the corner of a room. Marriage certainly isn't. Why should the wedding, what started it all, be. Besides remembering that perfect day (how you got to where you are with that person there beside you) may help you on those not so perfect days.

Un-Decorating

     As soon as my turkey is finished I can't wait to decorate the house for Christmas. We have a ton of stuff. I know some people see it as work every year but I love it. I like pulling out some things I've had since I was a kid that I can now decorate my own house with. We have tons of things the kids have made from school.  Jacob is adding to the collection now. I have a stocking I made from first grade. This year I hung it and all the other stockings the kids have made over the years in one spot on my china closet. I was so excited when Jake brought one home from school to add to the collection. My husband is the only one who doesn't have a stocking. I figure the beginning of December next year I'll have the kids help him make one.
    With Facebook now you can find out more of what people do. This year I was surprised by how many people posted about taking down the tree and putting all their stuff away just a day or two after Christmas. I would never. Part of the fun of Christmas is leaving the tree up to enjoy with the toys underneath and the aftermath of destrcution from the kids. I could just sit there in the evening with it lit and relax looking at it. Although I probably did that more mornings than evenings as I'm the early riser. It's still one of the best parts of the holidays. The quiet of the evening(or morning) and the lights of the tree.
     This school vacation when everyone else was home with me was great. Maybe the nice snow storm helped but we stayed in and vegged together quite a lot. I enjoyed that very much. But as with back to school reality comes un-decorating reality. I start slow. I always do. It's definitely not as much fun cleaning it up and putting it all away as it is taking it out. First is usually all the paper decorations from the windows and the rest of the house. It becomes much lighter inside as much more light can get through the windows. But as more and more things come down off the walls and everywhere else the house just feels empty. Of course it is not. It's just there's so much more up and around in my house during the month of December. It takes a little getting used to again after it all being up for a month.
     It's probably good I'm always broke after Christmas or I'd have a lot more decorations. I could go out and buy on clearance every year. I've gotten better with throwing away the old wrecked up stuff. I never used to throw anything away. Now I realize there's no point in keeping it no matter how attatched I am. There's always plenty more stuff to get or that is given to me to decorate with. I may have to go visit my dad to make sure he doesn't still have this little tree we used to have. Jake really wanted his own tree in his room. Couldn't get him one, and as I've been taking things down he's holding onto ornaments and decorating the dogs cage and other things with them. I have to wait until he goes to school to take them back and put them away. So maybe next year he'll have a little tree all his own to decorate.
     Right now I have a naked tree in my living room. I let Jake turn it on for the last time this morning. When I told him it may be the last time all he said was, "awwww." I un-decorated it while he was gone and now just have to take it down. I'll get there later I don't think I could wait until tomorrow. It's too sad looking at it this way. I always say I'd like to have a real tree because I've never had one. With a real tree though there's no way I could have it up as long as I like to. Yet I keep hearing how great they are and how you can't beat the smell. Maybe I'll just get a wreath or something instead. Or a scented candle like my girlfriends uses instead. One of these days. Maybe when I don't have the kids around to help me do to all the decorating I won't be as excited about it. Only time will tell. But for now I've still got plenty more to take down and put in the attic for another 10-11 months. Sounds long but it always gets here quick.

Skiing

    I have never been skiing. I'm not even good at any of it on video games. I don't think I will ever go. The lifts themselves make me nervous. I've been on those as rides at theme parks. Not very often. I cannot say I like them at all. The boys have learned to ski and enjoy it with their dad. He takes them a lot on weekends. The past few years as they've gotten older and better at it he's gotten them more equipment. It seems they go every other weekend when he has them now it's winter. I don't like it very much. I pretty much just put it out of my mind. Otherwise I'd make myself crazy.
    There are many skiing accidents you hear about this time of year. People get hurt, break limbs, and even get killed. There was a story very recently about a man crashing into a woman and her daughter on a mountain in Maine. The man and girl were killed. The woman I beleive is still critical. Maybe thats why it's more in my mind now as my boys have been off skiing this whole weekend. I got a call a few hours ago saying they were on their way home so I know we're all good. At least for this weekend.
    I really don't know much of anything about skiing. How? What you need? And what you should have to be safe. The reports about the accident said something about noone wearing a helmet. I'm guessing one's not required by law like they are for bike riding now. Wondering if that'll change for skiing soon too. And if it's good or bad. I know I grew up riding a bike without a helmet. I know I make my little ones wear their helmets when they are learning to ride. After that I don't so much. I also don't make the boys wear them now they are 16. It seems silly. Yet I may be all for it with skiing. Probably because I don't know about it. What you don't know scares you more than what you do know.
     When the boys get home later I probably won't get much of a chance to talk to them about their trip much less skiing in general. I'll have to play on the internet and learn some more about it when they're in school tomorrow. After school I'll talk with them some. I usually don't even ask for too many details about where they are going skiing. They've been to quite a few different mountains in the area. Some I've heard of, some I have no clue about. I'll be doing some more research from now on. I hope their father has taught them well but I also don't trust him. That helps scare me even more. You can see why I just put it out of my mind. It's easier for me and them. I don't lose it and get crazy and say things like they shouldn't go. Sure I want to, to protect my babies who are no longer babies anymore.
     And that's the fun reality of being a mom. My babies are old enough to go out and do something I've never even tried. I don't want to. They know much more about it than I do. It's great that they've been able to go out and learn to love something I couldn't show them. But it still cuts that I didn't. They are their own people, growing up. Time goes by way too fast.

Attitude Adjustment 2011

    Last night was the first new years my big boys were not home with me. Yes they are 16 and could very well have been out to parties and what not the past few years but they have not. This year since it was a weekend they left with their father in the early evening. I was not happy about this at all but what can you do. I was also not happy in general as I've been of late. It was looking to be a sucky new year just as the end of 2010 had ben for me. Jake was playing wii. Em was on the computer. My husband was on his computer. Good times. I went upstairs for a bit and just sat feeling sorry for myself in Roberts room. Maybe 20 minutes in Jake came looking for me. He felt reassured when he found me and went back to playing. I felt like I needed to do something.
   So we didn't have the money to go out. Or a babysitter for that matter. We could still get dressed up and have a good time right? Why the hell not? Well unless I couldn't even fit in a dress, which was a worry with all the damn cookies around my house lately not much is fitting. I needed a big boost and getting dressed up even if I had no where to go sounded fun. I locked myself in the upstairs bathroom and prettied myself up. I painted my nails put on some make-up and curled my hair. Then I got my dress and called Emily upstairs.
     I brought her in on my plan and she looked at me like I was nuts. "Why are we getting dressed up if we aren't going anywhere?" She wasn't going to go along with me at first and I thought, "oh great now i feel like a fool." Eventually I convinced her with all the fun girly things we could do to get dressed up. We straightened her hair but she didn't want any make up on. Really she just wanted to make the confetti to throw around I told her we'd do after we got dressed up. Jake had come in and out a few times and we put him in his cute little boy suit we had gotten him for Christmas. Emily had picked out a sparkly red dress from last year that still fit but had sleeves so was warmer to wear.
     I felt sort of funny walking downstairs past my husband vegging on the couch in his comfy t-shirt and shorts. Emily thought it funny he didn't notice as soon as we walked by that we were dressed up. I told her to go in and tell him to get dressed up for new years too. She did. And then a few more times without my coaxing. He finally went up and changed. We put on the radio. Emilys favorite station WBLI and cut up our confetti. Then the kids danced and raced around awhile. We flipped around the tv channels that had times square coverage. They threw some confetti around a little early. Not much though. And we had to keep it in the living room with the dog blocked out or he'd eat it.
    Jake didn't quite make it to midnight. He was down at 11:35 saying, "I just want to sleep." We tried to wake him. We threw confetti at him. Emily thought it hysterical when she nailed me in the face with it. Glad I had my glasses on. Rob didn't seem too into it. Asked who was cleaning it up. Gee, duh, must be me in the morning, since you're never up first. Unless you're leaving for work. I much prefer confetti to his idea of banging pots and pans. Maybe that why he wasn't into it. We called the boys to say Happy New Year. I called one of their phones with the house phone and the others with my cell and had one in each ear at the same time so it was great.
    The confetti reminded me of when I was a teenager and had new years parties in my basement. We had tons of confetti then and were cleaning it up and finding it in fun places months after. It got everywhere. I needed some of that back and got it with the kids last night. It was fun even if it was just us. And even if I'll be finding some of our confetti months from now in crazy places. Although I do intend to have a party next year. Cheap cut up construction paper and all! And everytime I find a piece I'll be reminded of the fun we had no matter who joins us.
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