martha sucks, not for the boys

No, I don't mean Martha that stupid dog from the kids show. Thanks to my girlfriend Stacey I'm talking about a womans monthly friend. My period. Yup I went there. Hey why nbot. The past week has sucked. I have been in so much pain and in a bitching mood so here i go again. Ok so for whatever reason in high school we wouldn't say period. Or friend or any of that other old lady shit so Stacey came up with Martha. Sort of appropriate as who knows anyone named Martha anymore anyway and it is an annoying old ladys name. So martha its been. My husband knows this too. Some of my friend now too. I've kept it alive. Though I have recently reconnected with Stacey. It's been sixteen years since high school. I haven't asked her about martha lately. While I agree womens bodies are much pretty and better to look at than guys they also really suck. They change way too much. And we don't have control much of the time. Sure we're usually the ones in control of the birth control but that just messes with our bodies even more. I never had cramps when I first got my period. Actually never had them until after My twins were born. Maybe I never noticed cause I have a high tolerance for pain. No matter I never understood when I was younger why my older sister needed to stay home from school because of it all the time. Like she was dying or something. I was like oh please suck it up and get your butt to school you wuss! After the twins I got my own fun filled cramps. They'd hang around for a few days and be annoying. I took what i needed, which wasn't much then and lived with it like we all have to. After my daughter was born came the fun of birth control. I got the patch. Annoying and kind of gross after it was on for a few days but it did its job. In case you have no clue you stick the sucker on like a band aid. I'd switch sides of my hip above my backside. And leave it for a week. three weeks, one week off and thats when you'd get your period. Unfortunately thats when I'd also get migraines. Thse suckers were horrible. They'd last a few days with the middle day the worst. Sometimes I'd make it through suck it up and go to work other times I'd close myself in a room in complete darkness with a pillow over my head and try to sleep it away. Never worked. neither did any kind of aspirin or tylenol. It was a necessary evil as far as i was concerned. no babies and cramps that I took three extra strength tylenols for every three hours and a sucky headache. The fun of a womans body. Then came jacob. After I was not allowed back on the patch they recalled it or just weren't prescribing it because of blot clot risk. Well hello all birth control has this. again necessary evil. What shit to be able to enjoy sex right? Anyway The Dr. gives me the next new thing in birth control the ring. Not too sure I'm going to like this. Talk to my grlfriend about it she's on it seems to love it. Ok fine I give it a whirl. This one goes in like a tampon for three weeks and out for the last. The first month i noticed I was having a lot of problems with my contacts. Next month not so much the contacts i realize as my eyes are going blurry more often and they just aren't right. Go to the doctor tell him about the problem. Gee, must be the ring. Now they can't give me anything else but a pill cause they are worried about side effects. The headache never mattered tho. funny. So I get this low dose one that is also supposed to only give me my period for four days. I'm good with that lets see how this works. Been on this sucker for a few years now. I never ever get my period on the four days i'm supposed to. Not once has this happened. Usually it comes right before and then it hangs around longer because i'm taking the fake pills without the hormone in it. I do only get my period every other month. Dr. says as long as its less its fine. So i guess instead of four days eachj month eight days every other month evens it out anyway right? I get headaches with it only slightly now. Every once in awhile a good ole migraine comes along. Once your get em you always do. Thanks birth control! And i'll get cramps every month. Just not all the fun the comes along. When my period does show up they are much worse than ever and do not respond to my tylenol cocktail. Think i may be looking for a new drug soon. And I cannot control myself with the cravings. If you've been reading me you know already. Chocolate salt cheese. gotta have em. But they are really incredible. I don't know how to ignore them. I have more candy in this house than ever before because of them. More hidden casue I can becaue i have more hiding spots. But I will just go out and buy that bag of chocolate now. Before i wouldn't give in now i have to. Have To! It just sucks. pretty much all of it. can't wait to see what happens after if we do have a number five. How lovely to be a woman like me!

bitching

So a month ago I found this conest online for free scholarships for moms and dads too. Thought what the hell as theres no way I'm ever getting any degree unless its online and free. Cause I have no time to drive myself to school with four kids and no money for much of anything for myself either. Anyway, I fill out the application. Even had to call my husband to figure out what kind of degree thing I should even go for. This is how out of school I am. When it came to writing the essay part I stopped and saved for later. I had plenty of time. Till april 30th to finish. I started a draft that day when I had a chance here and there. put it away and haven't even looked at it since. Today, now that I have the house back to myself cause eevryone is finally done with their spring breaks I told myself i'm going to do it and get it done finally! I set jake up downstairs with the big living room tv and come up to my bedroom to hide out and get it done. About an hour later and countless, "give me five minutes" to Jake. Not to mention the times i had to get up for something he wanted. I finish. So I hit the submit application button and it brings me back to the first page of the application. Countless obsentities later I hit the back button hoping somehow my essay is still there. Thank God it is. I hit submit again. Again first page of application. I do this a good ten times as i'm really pissed off. I was very proud of myself for finishing. I needed to get up and get to other things around the house today. I was damn proud of my essay. If i could have printed it and tried again later i would have. NOoooo this was in one of theose tiny scroll boxes i can't print. Or if there was a way to print i don't know how. so maybe thats a sign i shouldn't be going to school online anway. I give up I have plenty of other shit to do. I save the screen though. Just flip down the little window hoping maybe later it'll work. I was happy i'd actually applied and wouldn't it be something if i actually won. being my Suffolk application essay a million years ago got me into honors classes. Hey you never know. Then I tried to print three pictures here for my lovely hubbys new computer. After a half an hour I finally find where he put the pics. another half hour and I'm still trying to figure out how to print three small pics on one damn sheet pof photo paper. Before I put my fist through the screen i give up. I'll make my husband do it for me. Maybe i'll let him teach me, later. I go back downstairs to do wash, feed jake lunch, play with jake, feed myself lunch, deep clean the gross, after only three months, beige living room carpet and here I am again. Of course I had to try my application once more before I could blog. Oh yeah yet another reason I was pissed. I wasted my time on this essay instead of getting to blog and then it doesn't work. Insert even more expletives! So I bring up the pretty screen with my carefully thought out and gone through five hundred times essay. Press submit. First screen of the application. Fucking shit!!! At this point I've given up thinking it'll ever work. So no school for me. Fine. I have enough shit to do anyway. I roll the sucky mouse my husband has up here on his computer that i hate around the scree. I watch as the submit button color changes from red to blue every time I roll over it. Why the hell won't you work is coursing through my brain. Click. I hit it again once more for good measure. The screen goes black. Half of it comes back with a Thank you for you application Now if you want more information to help you on your way back to school...... I"m shocked and quite surprised. I need to check my email to make sure theres a confirmation or something and that it was real but I cretainly hope so now that i feel better and that I actually may have accomplished more today than just house work. Of course I'll keep you posted.

easter

I think I'm like my dad when it comes to holidays. I'd rather be home doing nothing. Or at least enjoying it with my husband and kids. Running around to all the grandparents is tiring. Of course thats what we did this year. Except of course to my dads. Since I'd rather be home and feel like I have to go I don't really think about being the good guest and bringing anything along. At least I didn't bring anything to my moms. She usually has waaaaay too much food anyway. Well we actually got there first for probably the first holiday ever. When my older sister arrived she had made my mother an Easter basket of her own with all kinds of crazy things inside, not your standadr candy. Being that my mother always has candy out all over her house and my kids come home covered in it whenever they visit this was no surprise. So my younger sister shows up and she has a big huge basket of tulips. guess I'm the bad daughter. But yet that's what I heard her describe me as to friends on the phone when i was growing up so why should i change? Besides the goodies for my mother each of my sisters gave a little something to each of my kids. Even for the big boys who weren't there as it was their dads year to have easter. One gave a goodie bag filled with some m and m's and other opened candies. The other gave three small boxes of cadfies tied together with a bow. I didn't give anything to their kids. Now As I was the first to have kids and they were the only kids around for quit some time this has gone on for years. I never really thought much of it until now. They get so much crap just for Easter it's a little crazy. I made sure to tell my one sister she really didn't have to do it anymore. I'm sure she likes to but it's just so much. I told her next year she can give us money. She says what did i spend $2-3 a kid. So i said times four it's ten dollars and I joked how i'd take the cash instead next year. Anyway, it's been a week and my dining room table is still covered with baskets and bags full of easter candy. Soon the ladies at my job will be getting to eat it up as i can't take it here anymore. So I guess i'm the bad aunt too. At least for this year. Don't think I'll change my habit but maybe I'll get my sisters to change theirs. As for something for my mother..... I guess I can always have my kids make her something. :) We also went to my in-laws this year. I did bring deviled eggs there. That was more for me to get rid of them than a good guest gesture but who needs to know? I boiled 72 eggs this year. Coloring eggs is the highlight so my kids each get a box of 18. I'm pretty sure my mother made an insane amount of eggs for us too. So i've carried on that tradition. I have no idea who brought what to my in-laws as we got there later. There were no goodies for the kiddies except from the grandparents which is what i expected. The best thing about running around on the holiday is the food. I don't have to cook anything but I get to eat plenty. I usually get to take home leftovers too. When we hit both like this year my husband and I get to enjoy whatever foods we like best. Me, my mothers. Him, his mothers. As i figure is only natural. The kids just eat a lot of crap usually and none of the good for you, sort of, food. So maybe going out isn't so bad. If i got to stay home I'd probably have to at least tell them, "we're staying home but you can come over if you want." Then I'd be stuck having to figure out food and what to make and all that junk. My husband wants to do thanksgiving this year. Now that we have room we can do holidays. I like to watch the parade and then we can go eat wherever. I told him he can have fun doing the cooking. We'll see how that goes.

slacking

Was thinking once I finally got back here that I wasn't slacking all that much if it had only been two days since my last post. Somehow I lost a few days and I had the dates messed up and it's been four. And this is what i do. I"ll be all into a project, writing project that is, and then I just let it fall by the wayside. I started this to keep me writing and was really enjoying it. I think then it almost felt like work. Like uh oh what the hell am i supposed to write about now. A few days after i started posting I say this book at the library called something like what i ate for lunch, better ideas for your blog. I thought please i have so much to write about i won't I think felt I needed to have some thing, or issue to go off on. Really I don't. This is for me. Was started for me. I started telling more and more people about it and then I got worried about what people might think. well screw that. if you read me you know and love me. at least at this pount as not everyone one i know even knows this blog exsists. Unless you few people start sending me out to your friedns and people you know. Well then what do I care anyway as I probably don't know those people anyway. :) So I'm back and I will hopefully be back every day so Wendi can keep reading me with her morning coffee. Brought my laptop here with me to work to actually get in a few posts today since no one i break with or lunch with would be with me i figured there would be plenty of opportunity. Moning break I get my Pumpernickel bread and hot chocolate to go sit outside with. I've been hearing all moring how nice it is. well I forgot the laptop and was too lazy to go back around to the desk and get it. Before lunch miss Mary calls and wants me to come by for lunch. She lost her dad recently and no one has been able to get her on the phone for awhile. Of course I am going to visit her. Laptop stayed here in the library. Finally here I am afternoon break and it is finally gorgeous outside. Was not even close to this for morning break. Loving the sun. Having a tough time seeing the screen but thats ok. Should have brought my sunglasses out. :) Not about to go get them either. I think it's good Mark came in and let me know he's be reading shortly before my break was to come. Normally he's not in till after break. Maybe that was meant to be so i'd get my ass back to my blog! This is where I like to be though enjoying the gorgeous weather and writing. Things I have always loved. If only it will stay this nice for tomorrow. I'll finally be getting a day with the hubby. It has been quite awhile since we've gotten out on out own. We're going to the Hard Rock at Yankee Stadium for lunch, and then of course the game. That is the plan so far anyway. He wanted to leave earliere cause he wants to get more tickets for more games. Fine he has his bomber bucks to use and i believe they are only good for this season but he can get his tickets any other time. He's got quality time to spend with his wife. I know there won't be much conversation during the game so the before time is mine! At least thats how i see it. Especially since we're going to his "new home." But whatever. Sort of like when we went to the exhibition game it was all about him. I didn't exsist. I didn't get married at the old place and wouldn't miss it much. Anyway it seems most years, and my husband should probably be able to check his stats for you to prove me right or wrong, my first game of the season is usually one of the shittiest days for a game. Cold, overcast, rainy, whatever. At leats this is how i remember them. I would like one more day of the gorgeous weather. I've worked full days these first finally nice spring days. My little enjoyment has been breaks outside on our locked in patio. And lunch yesterday at my dads where i laid out on the deck a good 25 minutes feeling the heat of the sun on my skin, loving the sound of the neighbors waterfall. Can't I get a full day to enjoy the good weather? Sprong is the best though. Nothing beats watching the green of the flowers starting to pop out of the ground. Love that I finally have some flowers of my own growing in the yard and they didn't get destroyed by the guys working on the house.

chocolate

I do not think men get cravings anything close to what women get. I think as I am getting older I cannot control them as much. Or maybe I just have more than before. A womans body changes a lot in the course of a lifetime. Growing up. After each child. These i've been through these I can talk about. Before I even had Jake I had my own Garfield cookie jar with my private stash of chocolate candy for when I needed it. My husband had the guys over for cards once while I was at work. He said someone was diabetic and needed something sweet. Fine no big thing right. Well my husband took everything out of my stash and let the guys and the kids who were home eat it all. Needless to say I was quite pissed. I won't go out and just buy myself a bag of candy. I had added to the stash after every holiday. I took the best from the kiddies goodies (since they always have way too much anyway) every halloween, christmas, easter, whatever. My favorites and added them to my stash. Needless to say there was quite a lot of yelling going on as I was pissed when I discovered my husband had just given away my stash. This was a few years ago and my husband knows to keep his hands off my stash. He will sneak a piece from time to time and make fun but he knows better than to decimate it. About a month ago the family was watching Bolt. I just kept thinking about chocolate and how I had a box of brownie mix in the cabinet. MMM wouldn't they be good. I got up made the brownies and ate three that night before bed. The next day I probably had two throughout the day. The kids came home and had some and by the time my husband arrived there were about four left. I had been outside with the kids. when I came back in I noticed the pan in the sink. My husbands hands full of what was left of the brownies. I was like Hello your not even going to save me one? Really? he asked. What nerve! i'm thinking. Yes. i say. ok here, he gave me one and I hid it in my new candy stash jar. Funny thing is i didn't eat it for another couple of days when i remembered it was there. My husband will tell you how I was very possessive of him when we were dating. Not so much anymore he says. I am very possessive over my food. Maybe even more so now that I've lost weight and I'm only letting myself eat so much of the sweet treats. When i can control myself that is. I like food waaaaay too much. I have learned I am a horder too. I have my own box of cocoa pebbles hidden so when my friend is visiting and I want chocolate first thing in the morning I know where to find it. Since i've been a kid I always had food hidden in my bedroom. It's been a long time since I had a real bedroom but now I have a pretty nightstand beside my bed. In it, my box of girl scout thin mints. Again MY box. I really don't know what it is about chocolate I just have to have it. Even more now after I have anything with sauce I crave a little piece afterwards. I also crave cheesy stuff. I can eat anything with goey cheese in it three times a day for a week when i want it. Salt is another one too. Not as much as the chocolate or cheese. But potato chips, tortilla chips, popcorn, that great basket of chips you get at El Dorado yummy. I will not even get started on fast food because that is another whole post itself. The weirdest thing is there are certain chocolates that I will devour. Others only if theres nothing better around. So yes I have my favorites. And if there really is nothing around I always have chocolate syrup and nesquik in the house for chocolate milk. And making a glass where you can barely taste the milk will get me through.

for jen

two days late but here we go. :) I've heard from different people with kids that it's a whole other world going from one to two. I had twins the first time around so I really can't say I know for sure. I know with two the same age doing the same things there's a lot from the beginning that I do not remember. Eight years later I had my daughter. The boys were old enough to be able to help and were at school all day. A little while each day she was the only child. That was easy. A few years later Jacob came along. Emily turned four a month after his arrival. When I was pregnant she was old enough to know how to play video games from her big brothers. And watched plenty of kiddie tv. This made it possible for me to nap during the afternoons. Which was a wonderful blessing as all pregos know. After Jacobs arrival Emily liked to help with him. She was a proud big sister. I think that helps a lot. You need to include the older kids in with the new ones. They won't feel as jealous and they can be a big help. They can run and throw the stinky diapers away. They can get you a clean one. They need their one on one time too which isn't always easy. I think kids like having other kids around and only children miss out on some great stuff. Every family fights especially siblings. And they shouldn't always have to get along. They need their own space and their own things. There should definitely be some toys that do not get passed along unless the older child wants to. This also gives the older sibling a chance to play with all their baby toys again and they love it. Emily likes watching all the little kiddie shows with Jacob. And I have caught Andrew watching Blues Clues which he grew up on. Which one of us doesn't secretly or openly enjoying watching our shows like Sesame Street with them? Emily will put shows on for Jake. Yet I have heard her on the phone telling a friend she was stuck watching Max and Ruby because her baby brother was watching it. This is one of her favorites. But I guess even in first grade Max and Ruby is not cool. More kids mean more craziness. I think the biggest difference from one to two is now your stuck choosing which direction to go when they head in opposite directions. And they definitely will. Sure it'll get a little crazier but thats just part of the fun. Why would I even consider going for five if the chaos wasn't a great time. Seeing them interact with one another and help each other is one of the best gifts they can give you. And you will love every minute of it. Maybe not right away when its happening like when their smashing chocolate easter candy into the rug but later, sometimes much later, you will always remember it and smile.

the bed

When I was pregnant with Jacob we needed to make some space in the house for our baby to be. My husband and I gave up our bedroom for Emily and Jacob to share. It was the biggest bedroom at the time and we thought that best. That left us with the tiny 8x9 middle bedroom. we could not fit a full size bed in this room unless we never wanted to close the door. And forget about fitting any furniture in there with it. It became an office/closet for us. Or mainly our stuff. We bought new living room furniture, the main piece being a queen size sofa bed. We also had to get a special mattress as anyone who's ever slept on a sofa bed knows the mattress is very slim and not comfortable at all. We went to jennifer convertibles and purchased a mattress the saleman told us was used by a lot of city people with small apartments and no bedrooms either. It was the basic sofa bed mattress but on top was an air mattress. Neither of us had ever even slept on an air mattress before but we didn't really have a choice now. I complained and bitched about the bed like crazy. For three years I didn't have to make my bed in the morning I had to deflate it so I could have a living room. each morning and night i had to get our pillows and blankets from the top bunk of our sons bunk beds. the easiest and pretty much only place for us to store them. Plus I slept on this thing while pregnant and then recovering from a c-section. Lets just say lots of pillows and hardly any room for my husband. It was quite interesting. I'm sure Emily will never forget how she got to roll on mommy and daddys bed in the mornings to let the air out and then help put the couch back together. I believe we had to replace the air mattress piece three times in three years. Maybe four. Not bad for every night use which of course no one tells you to do with the camping air mattress' we got as the replacements. There was even a period of time when the frame of the fold out bed itself broke. Thank God it was still under warranty. We had to wait a week or two for the replacement frame to come in and then be installed. During that time each night we got to take the air mattress out of the couch and blow it up on the floor of the living room and sleep there. After awhile I hung a curtain in the doorway as a door in an attempt at a little bit of privacy. Of course our bedroom/living room opened up into the kitchen and there wasn't a wall there. At least we seperated us at the front of the house from the bedrooms in the back. The sheet also kept the air conditioning in our room pretty well too.
I finally have a bedroom again. It is gorgeous. We got a beautiful wrought iron black canopy bed. Burgandy bedding and canopy shears. I love it and as one of my girlfriends said I have a sexy bedroom. After three years without one that was quite nice to hear. If only I felt like I was getting some sleep it might actually be great. Since we've been in our new beautiful bedroom I sleep but wake up feeling exhausted. I wish I knew why. Maybe it's the mattress we got, maybe it's the stress thinking about paying for it. I really don't care I'd just like a good nights sleep in my real bed. And these damn circles under my eyes just keep getting darker and darker. If this goes on much longer I may have to try sleeping in the living room again just to get a decent nights sleep on the pull out. How sick would that be?

facebook

It's all my husbands fault. He had a myspace page ages ago. I was not into that. He then started facebook. It had a bunch of games and other stuff that he thought I would like and suggested I get a page too. I did and a little monster was born. When I find a new friend I haven't heard from in ages I will be on all the time talking back and forth. You know the initial stage is always the best. Back and forth communication to catch up and then it dies down. I can't play all the crazy games though I have been invited too. They just take up too much time and I'm a busy girl. It's great for paranoid people as they can check up as much as they want. There's this beautiful list of what you did and when, love that it gives the time. I can check up on my kids. My husband can check up on me. Just have to make sure you read everything through maybe a few times.
I started talking to a few girls from high school. There are a lot more now but we'll get to that. One day I thought I was going to Dawns house just to hang out and catch up with her. Maybe the day before she told ma another girl we went to school with would be there. OK I thought. No biggie, was looking forward to getting to know Dawn and he little ones but I could still do that. When I got there I found out possibly three other girls we went to school with would be coming. I felt a little ambushed and surprised. Two showed up. One with her kids one without. We had a great time. Not what i expected but it was a lot of fun and a lot of catching up. I learned they had been getting together for awhile and felt great to be included. We get together at least once a month and as more of us from school get on facebook more are invited to join in. A few days ago there were eight of us here at my house and 19 children. It was a little crazy and A LOT of fun. Honestly cannot wait to do it again. For awhile I wasn't getting together with anyone. I didn't have the space to have people over and was always worried about the money I had to spend to entertain and keep friends. A strange way of thinking I know but I couldn't help it. I also think I wasn't very happy when I was my larger self. I didn't want to be around people. I love the way I'm looking and I love entertaining everyone in my bigger house. Thanks to facebook and my husband.

the wedding

When my husband and I were married I really didn't want a big wedding. I already had two kids and thought putting the money towards a house would have been better. My husband really wanted one so we did. I did want one too but not having one really would have been fine. We got married at Yankee Stadium eight years ago in June. A lot has happened since then. We've had two more kids. Bought a house and added on to it. I can't say I wasn't happy or didn't enjoy my wedding. It was completely different and a lot of fun. But would I do it the same? I don't think so. I was heavy when we got married and got heavier afterwards. I lost 75 lbs two years ago. Put back 15 by now but still am a lot lighter than i was then. I look a hell of a lot better too. I was worried about money so my dress was off the rack and needed to be taken in. I had a woman I work with mother take it in instead of paying an arm and a leg at the bridal salon. i definitely wish i'd have taken the time for me before the wedding to have lost some weight and fit into a smaller dress. Or at the least gotten the fit done right. My gown was a size 20! I wear a size 6 now. Wedding gown would probably be an 8. There are certain pictures from my big day I just don't like looking at. I love the beach and would have loved getting married there. Small ceremony just a few people there. Our wedding couldn't be small because he has a huge family. We actually had two days of wedding festivities so no one would feel left out. I also would have been paranoid it would rain and I wouldn't be able to be on the beach so I let it go. Maybe I shouldn't have. The day we got married was one of the hottest of the year. I work with a lot of women who at least once a week get their nails done. I've only ever gotten them done for my wedding. I have never had my hair professionally done. I don't even let other people cut it i'm that paranoid about it. So yeah there are some things I would change. I'm betting i'm not the only one out there who feels this way.
Yankee Stadium is now closed. Yes they have opened a new one but it is not where I got married. They will be knocking that one down later this year I believe. I've joked with my husband how we need to at least renew our vows at the new stadium, maybe for out 10th anniversary. Sure, there is some truth in that joking. It may not be the beach but I'd be damn sure I was in a smaller dress. And took some extra time and money on getting me ready for the big day this time around.

sleep vs. sex
If you don't have kids don't even bother reading this. If you're thinking about having them heres a warning. You will never see sleep in the same way. I have heard stories of great sleeping children. the kinds that sleep through the night right away and always do. I think people are liars and this is just an urban legend. I had one child who could fall asleep anywhere he was. I did the same thing. that did not make either of us good sleepers. I've fallen asleep countless times in bed with my kids. Their beds or mine. On the floor of their rooms, sometimes with them sometimes holding their hands, sometimes patting them to sleep. I've been there all night, a few hours, or back and forth between their room and mine. It has been a rare occasion when I have not been woken up at night. My daughter talks in her sleep. No one in my family ever did that. When you hear it it scares the hell out of you. Especially since she's usually dreaming of fighting with her older brothers and yells out, "NO!" And things like, "Leave me alone." or "Stop it." Recently i've been feeling more of the effects of lack of sleep. You can see the circles under my eyes bright as day on my face. Not sure what i can do about them. Getting more or even better sleep isn't always an option. Most if not all of the time i have absolutely no desire for sex. We've had our new bedroom with its new beautiful bed for about four months now. It's been christened plenty. I want my sleep. To really avoid even thinking about it I have fallen asleep in my sons room. Not very nice i know i'm just too tired to care. I love my husband and i know sex is important. I never thought i would be one to plan for it. When i feel its been awhile, usually about a week, if my friends not visiting ladies, i'll send him a racy text. I do it only so i know he'll be into it and not too tired himself. And i'll have to hold myself to it and keep myself awake long enough to enjoy it. And i absolutely do. After i'm always thinking why'd i wait so long to do this again. we could and should be doing this every day. then of course the next day comes full of all its household chores and kids issues and work and i'm ready to drift right off to la-la land as soon as my children have dropped off themselves. So far this has been working. There are plenty of other times when it's spontaneous. I may not always be all into it but i get there and thats what its about. I'm sure theres times he's not into it until I go there. We're married. We don't always want to do what the other wants but we do it for the sake of peace in the marriage. Give and take. It's always a choice. Stay awake and have a good time connecting with my husband. Go to sleep as early as possibly and give a quick kiss goodnight. Of course when sleep wins i cannot always fall asleep right away. All the crap of the day catches up with me then and theres no way to turn my brain off. Sometimes i wish i'd have statred something instead cause i'd probably be able to fall alseep even faster. :)

I've always wanted to write. I'll start something and never finish. I have great ideas. Usually late at night when I'm too tired to do anything about them. By morning there's too much else to do. Not sure what blogging will get me but like the lottery "Hey, You never know." Watched Oprah yesterday. Mondays episode on dvr. Mom's dirty little secrets. One of the moms started a blog and now thats all her and her husband do for income. Nice life, I thought. If only, I thought. So here I am. The kicker, when reading up on her and blogs this morning before making my decision to start one, I learned she graduated high school the same year i did. We're the same age. For me that kinda sucked. I am a procrastinator and will put off writing until i really get the itch. When the itch goes away or it gets hard I won't start again until I feel the need to scratch. I have a friend who had a book published. Great for him. Jealousy for me. Have not read it. My husband has a friend who self-published his own book. Great for him. Jealousy for me. He gave my husband a copy, I read half. We are all around the same age. Maybe i'm getting old enough to worry about what I've done with my life. Maybe writing here every day will jump start me to something bigger. Maybe it'll just feed my need to write, and I'll write more often. Maybe I'll get sick of it after a week and you'll never hear from me again. Anything is possible.

where 5 comes from

My husband and I have four children. We live on Long Island and it's not cheap. We recently added on to our house so we'd finally have some space. A bedrom of our own, after two years on the pull out living room couch. And all the kids have a room of their own. Oh and a wonderful second bathroom. For a long time I think we both were pretty sure there would be a baby #5 after the house was done. Now we're here and enjoying this space do we really want to change things around again? Who would have to share? Do we have the money? Before the addition we had three bedrooms. One was quite tiny, 8x9. Not even close to big enough for two kids. In five years my daughter's room moved three times. She was in every one of those bedrooms. After all the changing and all the planning to get everyones new rooms the way they wanted can't we just enjoy it? I do and i don't want to. But the natives are getting restless and I must finish later...