And I think thats why I have been hating it so much for so long now. I really used to love my job. Sure it sucks leaving the kids but it's nice to not be mom for a few hours and be myself. I used to be with some really great people. There has been a major changing of the guard over the past few years and I think I've finally hit bottom here. I hated coming to work before we went on our nice long Disney vaaction. I figured ok after vaca i'll come back and it'll all be good. No go. So I worked extra hours over the summer as I usually do and really hated it. Not good. Now i've gotten another babysitting gig and Rob will be doing afterschool three days a week and my head was filled with womnderful fantasies of quitting. The only other time I ever thought about quitting was when Emily was born. Of course we needed the money so that was that.
Overall I was pretty happy here.But as I've come to realize over the past few weeks of quitting daydreams, and money realities is I just really don't like most of the people I work with anymore. Patrons come and go. You get your good ones, you get your crazies and nasties and you deal with it. Now when I'm working my butt off, helping my co-workers who don't know what they're doing, fixing other peoples screw ups and dealing with ALL the nasties and crazies because they refuse or don't know how. I'm just working and working and working. And resenting all the dumb people who have been hired to replace the good people who have gotten away. Says a lot for the new director all the shit thats gone down since he's taken over.
I still would love nothing more than to quick and still deal with all this. Of course that ain't gonna happen. I will cut my hours as much as possible and know my supervisor, not the acting one, will be behind me 100%. Looking forward to when she gets back from her surgery.
It used to be a lot of fun behind my desk. We had great conversations and lots of good times. When I come in and join in the bitchfest of the day at 9am on a saturday you know the day is pretty much shot straight to hell. Of course we're always bitching about this place. Guess it's time to change or somehow i must find a way out of here. Believe me i've been looking but it ain't all that easy. Nothing is guarenteed and in the crazy times losing a job like this one isn't very smart.
So work is work and not necessarily a fun filled place. But i'm still me and am starting to do something useful with my time on my boring breaks now by blogging. At least it's gotten me started again. But you know what they say about best laid plans. It does feel good getting back into this. Something to look forward to going to work for......? Getting in my blogging time. hey it's been two whole days in a row so far I'm on a roll.
I miss my friends I used to work with. I have always hated change and do not do well adjusting to it. It's probably been about seven months of hating my job to get to this point.. see what I mean? I work for the money. I work for keeping me sane by getting out of the house sometimes when i really need it. I work to keep connected to the world outside my house. I work to have easy access to movies and books nothing beats first on the reserve lists. I work to have librarians i know help me find anything to help keep me writing. I work cause i like finding it myself w/o asking for their help but knowing if i get stuck i have friends to ask.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
sleeping babies
I've been getting in my baby fix lately, as I have recently started watching my neighbors two month old son. It's a great gig and I'm loving it. Get to play with the baby all day and then send him back home at night. (Somehow I still sleep like crap though.) And getting paid for it too. Very nice! Think that itch for number five may be starting to disappear altogether now.
I have been watching my neice also for almost a year now. She was not like any of my babies. My babies liked to be cuddled and carried and mushed on all the time. They fell asleep in your arms. Not my neice. She wanted to be up and able to see what was going on but she was certainly no mush. She even fell asleep better when you left her alone. I am a big mush and I love nothing more than rocking a baby to sleep. Sure they've always been my babies but I'm learning other peoples are just as much fun.
Every mom (and dad, I won't be sexist) knows that every baby is different. But all of my kids liked to be held and rocked and cuddled. And i loved it just as much as they did. My husband to this day says how its my fault Jacob doesn't go to sleep well because i sit with him or fall asleep with him. I don't think theres much wrong with that. I even realized and told him the other day I fall asleep quicker and better when i'm in his room. I am not thinking of anything else but being there for him and we both sleep well. Once I move into my bed my mind goes over a million and one things and it's very hard to fall back asleep.
Every day since I've been watching Colin, Jacob will have his moments when he tells me to put Colin down and hold him and of course I do. Friday I rocked Colin to sleep and put him down. I could tell Jacob would probably nap if he just let himself fall asleep. But instead of letting him fall asleep on his own I picked him up and held him and let him fall asleep on me like Colin had just before. It didn't take him long as we were warm and comfy there together on the couch. And i think we both loved every minute of it.
I love falling asleep in my husbands arms. I don't believe he was a cuddly mushy baby either so he doesn't enjoy it quite so much. But again I'll fall asleep quicker and more comforted and without my mind running in hundred directions with worries. And if i'm babying Jake by letting him fall asleep on me the way he wants and how he feels comfortable. Oh well. he'll be too big too soon where i won't have much of a chance to anymore. I plan to let us both enjoy it while we can
I have been watching my neice also for almost a year now. She was not like any of my babies. My babies liked to be cuddled and carried and mushed on all the time. They fell asleep in your arms. Not my neice. She wanted to be up and able to see what was going on but she was certainly no mush. She even fell asleep better when you left her alone. I am a big mush and I love nothing more than rocking a baby to sleep. Sure they've always been my babies but I'm learning other peoples are just as much fun.
Every mom (and dad, I won't be sexist) knows that every baby is different. But all of my kids liked to be held and rocked and cuddled. And i loved it just as much as they did. My husband to this day says how its my fault Jacob doesn't go to sleep well because i sit with him or fall asleep with him. I don't think theres much wrong with that. I even realized and told him the other day I fall asleep quicker and better when i'm in his room. I am not thinking of anything else but being there for him and we both sleep well. Once I move into my bed my mind goes over a million and one things and it's very hard to fall back asleep.
Every day since I've been watching Colin, Jacob will have his moments when he tells me to put Colin down and hold him and of course I do. Friday I rocked Colin to sleep and put him down. I could tell Jacob would probably nap if he just let himself fall asleep. But instead of letting him fall asleep on his own I picked him up and held him and let him fall asleep on me like Colin had just before. It didn't take him long as we were warm and comfy there together on the couch. And i think we both loved every minute of it.
I love falling asleep in my husbands arms. I don't believe he was a cuddly mushy baby either so he doesn't enjoy it quite so much. But again I'll fall asleep quicker and more comforted and without my mind running in hundred directions with worries. And if i'm babying Jake by letting him fall asleep on me the way he wants and how he feels comfortable. Oh well. he'll be too big too soon where i won't have much of a chance to anymore. I plan to let us both enjoy it while we can
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