And I think thats why I have been hating it so much for so long now. I really used to love my job. Sure it sucks leaving the kids but it's nice to not be mom for a few hours and be myself. I used to be with some really great people. There has been a major changing of the guard over the past few years and I think I've finally hit bottom here. I hated coming to work before we went on our nice long Disney vaaction. I figured ok after vaca i'll come back and it'll all be good. No go. So I worked extra hours over the summer as I usually do and really hated it. Not good. Now i've gotten another babysitting gig and Rob will be doing afterschool three days a week and my head was filled with womnderful fantasies of quitting. The only other time I ever thought about quitting was when Emily was born. Of course we needed the money so that was that.
Overall I was pretty happy here.But as I've come to realize over the past few weeks of quitting daydreams, and money realities is I just really don't like most of the people I work with anymore. Patrons come and go. You get your good ones, you get your crazies and nasties and you deal with it. Now when I'm working my butt off, helping my co-workers who don't know what they're doing, fixing other peoples screw ups and dealing with ALL the nasties and crazies because they refuse or don't know how. I'm just working and working and working. And resenting all the dumb people who have been hired to replace the good people who have gotten away. Says a lot for the new director all the shit thats gone down since he's taken over.
I still would love nothing more than to quick and still deal with all this. Of course that ain't gonna happen. I will cut my hours as much as possible and know my supervisor, not the acting one, will be behind me 100%. Looking forward to when she gets back from her surgery.
It used to be a lot of fun behind my desk. We had great conversations and lots of good times. When I come in and join in the bitchfest of the day at 9am on a saturday you know the day is pretty much shot straight to hell. Of course we're always bitching about this place. Guess it's time to change or somehow i must find a way out of here. Believe me i've been looking but it ain't all that easy. Nothing is guarenteed and in the crazy times losing a job like this one isn't very smart.
So work is work and not necessarily a fun filled place. But i'm still me and am starting to do something useful with my time on my boring breaks now by blogging. At least it's gotten me started again. But you know what they say about best laid plans. It does feel good getting back into this. Something to look forward to going to work for......? Getting in my blogging time. hey it's been two whole days in a row so far I'm on a roll.
I miss my friends I used to work with. I have always hated change and do not do well adjusting to it. It's probably been about seven months of hating my job to get to this point.. see what I mean? I work for the money. I work for keeping me sane by getting out of the house sometimes when i really need it. I work to keep connected to the world outside my house. I work to have easy access to movies and books nothing beats first on the reserve lists. I work to have librarians i know help me find anything to help keep me writing. I work cause i like finding it myself w/o asking for their help but knowing if i get stuck i have friends to ask.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
sleeping babies
I've been getting in my baby fix lately, as I have recently started watching my neighbors two month old son. It's a great gig and I'm loving it. Get to play with the baby all day and then send him back home at night. (Somehow I still sleep like crap though.) And getting paid for it too. Very nice! Think that itch for number five may be starting to disappear altogether now.
I have been watching my neice also for almost a year now. She was not like any of my babies. My babies liked to be cuddled and carried and mushed on all the time. They fell asleep in your arms. Not my neice. She wanted to be up and able to see what was going on but she was certainly no mush. She even fell asleep better when you left her alone. I am a big mush and I love nothing more than rocking a baby to sleep. Sure they've always been my babies but I'm learning other peoples are just as much fun.
Every mom (and dad, I won't be sexist) knows that every baby is different. But all of my kids liked to be held and rocked and cuddled. And i loved it just as much as they did. My husband to this day says how its my fault Jacob doesn't go to sleep well because i sit with him or fall asleep with him. I don't think theres much wrong with that. I even realized and told him the other day I fall asleep quicker and better when i'm in his room. I am not thinking of anything else but being there for him and we both sleep well. Once I move into my bed my mind goes over a million and one things and it's very hard to fall back asleep.
Every day since I've been watching Colin, Jacob will have his moments when he tells me to put Colin down and hold him and of course I do. Friday I rocked Colin to sleep and put him down. I could tell Jacob would probably nap if he just let himself fall asleep. But instead of letting him fall asleep on his own I picked him up and held him and let him fall asleep on me like Colin had just before. It didn't take him long as we were warm and comfy there together on the couch. And i think we both loved every minute of it.
I love falling asleep in my husbands arms. I don't believe he was a cuddly mushy baby either so he doesn't enjoy it quite so much. But again I'll fall asleep quicker and more comforted and without my mind running in hundred directions with worries. And if i'm babying Jake by letting him fall asleep on me the way he wants and how he feels comfortable. Oh well. he'll be too big too soon where i won't have much of a chance to anymore. I plan to let us both enjoy it while we can
I have been watching my neice also for almost a year now. She was not like any of my babies. My babies liked to be cuddled and carried and mushed on all the time. They fell asleep in your arms. Not my neice. She wanted to be up and able to see what was going on but she was certainly no mush. She even fell asleep better when you left her alone. I am a big mush and I love nothing more than rocking a baby to sleep. Sure they've always been my babies but I'm learning other peoples are just as much fun.
Every mom (and dad, I won't be sexist) knows that every baby is different. But all of my kids liked to be held and rocked and cuddled. And i loved it just as much as they did. My husband to this day says how its my fault Jacob doesn't go to sleep well because i sit with him or fall asleep with him. I don't think theres much wrong with that. I even realized and told him the other day I fall asleep quicker and better when i'm in his room. I am not thinking of anything else but being there for him and we both sleep well. Once I move into my bed my mind goes over a million and one things and it's very hard to fall back asleep.
Every day since I've been watching Colin, Jacob will have his moments when he tells me to put Colin down and hold him and of course I do. Friday I rocked Colin to sleep and put him down. I could tell Jacob would probably nap if he just let himself fall asleep. But instead of letting him fall asleep on his own I picked him up and held him and let him fall asleep on me like Colin had just before. It didn't take him long as we were warm and comfy there together on the couch. And i think we both loved every minute of it.
I love falling asleep in my husbands arms. I don't believe he was a cuddly mushy baby either so he doesn't enjoy it quite so much. But again I'll fall asleep quicker and more comforted and without my mind running in hundred directions with worries. And if i'm babying Jake by letting him fall asleep on me the way he wants and how he feels comfortable. Oh well. he'll be too big too soon where i won't have much of a chance to anymore. I plan to let us both enjoy it while we can
Friday, September 11, 2009
september 11th
Going about my normal stuff today i've had the radio on in the kitchen. At least twice now i've caught a so called patriotic song being played. Of course they are being played, being the day that it is. I would assume that most stations are playing them. Got to thinking as i was listening to "God Bless The USA" why they don't play them more often? What would be wrong with that? Why wait for today when the coverage is everywhere?
After, they were played all the time. As time has passed of course they've fallen by the wayside as peoples thoughts and feelings have also. I know WBLI played Whitneys version of the National Anthem everyday at noon for quite awhile. Not sure if they still do, will have to check in half an hour. But even i was like enough already. Maybe if they changed it up, played different patriotic songs at that time. But then you'd be expecting it anyway. I think when it just catches you, your more likely to stop and think. To take stock of what you have. What other people may not. What you lost or other people may have lost. It hits you and you feel a little different. Your view changes. Your attitude changes.
It's said quite often how people have forgotten and don't feel like they did after. Time marches on and life gets in the way. It becomes easy to forget and fall back into the everyday. Thats the way of the world. Other things become more important. Or seem more important. If the stations decided once in awhile to throw on a patriotic song what would be wrong with that? If it caught you by surprise and made you stop and think would it be a bad thing? When "God Bless The USA" ended I can't say I felt good exactly just content. That i'm here, and lucky to have what i do. And maybe a little more compassion for other people because you never know what life has brought them. Who couldn't use that feeling every now and again?
After, they were played all the time. As time has passed of course they've fallen by the wayside as peoples thoughts and feelings have also. I know WBLI played Whitneys version of the National Anthem everyday at noon for quite awhile. Not sure if they still do, will have to check in half an hour. But even i was like enough already. Maybe if they changed it up, played different patriotic songs at that time. But then you'd be expecting it anyway. I think when it just catches you, your more likely to stop and think. To take stock of what you have. What other people may not. What you lost or other people may have lost. It hits you and you feel a little different. Your view changes. Your attitude changes.
It's said quite often how people have forgotten and don't feel like they did after. Time marches on and life gets in the way. It becomes easy to forget and fall back into the everyday. Thats the way of the world. Other things become more important. Or seem more important. If the stations decided once in awhile to throw on a patriotic song what would be wrong with that? If it caught you by surprise and made you stop and think would it be a bad thing? When "God Bless The USA" ended I can't say I felt good exactly just content. That i'm here, and lucky to have what i do. And maybe a little more compassion for other people because you never know what life has brought them. Who couldn't use that feeling every now and again?
Friday, August 21, 2009
reasoning part 2
First I have to say to violet if your still with me i don't know why but i can't get the font to go bigger anymore. i have tried every post that has been small again. guess i will have to ask my husband for help to se if he can show me what i'm missing
I didn't go to college for very long, i had the boys. for my 20th bday when they were eight months old i got a check from my brother for $500. God knows why exactly. I think he may have been trying to help me in some way. I don't think my sisters ever received that kind of bday gift. I tried to put it to good use. I had seen ads in magazines about writing for children and young adults. they'd send you a free test and if you did well on it you could enroll in their writing school. I of course passed the test as now older and wiser me thinks probably everyone who ever takes the test does. with help from my brother i enrolled in their classes. There was no internet class yet it was by mail. It was perfect i could do the assignments when i had the time and had to get them back within a reasonable amount f time. if i needed more time i could extend it. There were a total of ten assignments. though ten had two parts a and b. I completed every assignment except 10b. I can say this was when andrew was diagnosed with pdd and needed to start going to a special school so that of course took precidence over me. But i just let it go. i never made myself get back and finish. part a was and outline for a novel and three possible publishers u thought would have interest in it and why. part b was the first five chapters or so of said novel. i think maybe i did one. i never pushed. i never finished. i gave up. i still regret it. last year i sent away again for the test just to see if they would accept me again but guess what, never finished the application.
When i was working on these assignments i was also working here at the library. there was a woman i used to work with who would always ask me about them. she'd read them and gave me reassurance that it was all good. after awhile she'd start asking how the book/story i was working on was coming since i was doing a lot of writing here. I had to keep up, she always asked. she passed away before i got married eight years ago. i still feel like i let her down tho not keeping things up.
when i moved positions at work from a page to the circulation desk i did it thinking i'd work nights and go to school during the day now that my boys were both in school full time. School for writing at that time. now i could go further and go for the masters in library science but it takes money i do not have. oh and if u have kept up with me i didn't win that scholarship thing but theres a new one i'll at least go for to keep me trying. I got engaged, got married and had a baby a year later. I was kept busy with life and my days were filled with other things.
Like with the book i'm reading now, sometimes things just hit me right and make me realise how much i really want to write. have something tangible you can hold in your hand that came from me. maybe it moved you, maybe you disagreed with it, hated it, whatever as long as it had an effect on you. those are the stories that keep my passion for writing going. maybe i need to find more or just go over the ones i know more often to keep me going. we read a story in 8th grade english class. mr bloom, what a waste of space. i remember three things from his class, memorizing prepositions, hanging out with frank barbs and gene in class, and The Lady or The Tiger. it is a short story i have never forgotten. absolutely great even if it did piss me off at the time i read it. i won't ruin it for you if you've never read it. get a copy somewhere. if you really want to know email me about it.
so yes i made it back. found there was waaay too much i wanted to say to continue this. i have been waiting to get back here since i had to return from break last time around. looking forward to it completely. and that made me feel good. but was part of that because it wasn't work-like and i didn't even bother to go over what i wrote and edit and touch up. i honestly do not have the time to do it here unless i make really short posts. making the time at home is another matter of course. always so much going on and as andrew the teenager has taught us lately even more than we really want to know but absolutely need to and deal with. but they can't be my excuses anymore. somewhere somehow i need to find the time. i know i can like i did with the exercise but that made me feel better all around and even gave me more energy. maybe this will do the same. at the least it may make me a bit happier doing what i've always wanted to.
I didn't go to college for very long, i had the boys. for my 20th bday when they were eight months old i got a check from my brother for $500. God knows why exactly. I think he may have been trying to help me in some way. I don't think my sisters ever received that kind of bday gift. I tried to put it to good use. I had seen ads in magazines about writing for children and young adults. they'd send you a free test and if you did well on it you could enroll in their writing school. I of course passed the test as now older and wiser me thinks probably everyone who ever takes the test does. with help from my brother i enrolled in their classes. There was no internet class yet it was by mail. It was perfect i could do the assignments when i had the time and had to get them back within a reasonable amount f time. if i needed more time i could extend it. There were a total of ten assignments. though ten had two parts a and b. I completed every assignment except 10b. I can say this was when andrew was diagnosed with pdd and needed to start going to a special school so that of course took precidence over me. But i just let it go. i never made myself get back and finish. part a was and outline for a novel and three possible publishers u thought would have interest in it and why. part b was the first five chapters or so of said novel. i think maybe i did one. i never pushed. i never finished. i gave up. i still regret it. last year i sent away again for the test just to see if they would accept me again but guess what, never finished the application.
When i was working on these assignments i was also working here at the library. there was a woman i used to work with who would always ask me about them. she'd read them and gave me reassurance that it was all good. after awhile she'd start asking how the book/story i was working on was coming since i was doing a lot of writing here. I had to keep up, she always asked. she passed away before i got married eight years ago. i still feel like i let her down tho not keeping things up.
when i moved positions at work from a page to the circulation desk i did it thinking i'd work nights and go to school during the day now that my boys were both in school full time. School for writing at that time. now i could go further and go for the masters in library science but it takes money i do not have. oh and if u have kept up with me i didn't win that scholarship thing but theres a new one i'll at least go for to keep me trying. I got engaged, got married and had a baby a year later. I was kept busy with life and my days were filled with other things.
Like with the book i'm reading now, sometimes things just hit me right and make me realise how much i really want to write. have something tangible you can hold in your hand that came from me. maybe it moved you, maybe you disagreed with it, hated it, whatever as long as it had an effect on you. those are the stories that keep my passion for writing going. maybe i need to find more or just go over the ones i know more often to keep me going. we read a story in 8th grade english class. mr bloom, what a waste of space. i remember three things from his class, memorizing prepositions, hanging out with frank barbs and gene in class, and The Lady or The Tiger. it is a short story i have never forgotten. absolutely great even if it did piss me off at the time i read it. i won't ruin it for you if you've never read it. get a copy somewhere. if you really want to know email me about it.
so yes i made it back. found there was waaay too much i wanted to say to continue this. i have been waiting to get back here since i had to return from break last time around. looking forward to it completely. and that made me feel good. but was part of that because it wasn't work-like and i didn't even bother to go over what i wrote and edit and touch up. i honestly do not have the time to do it here unless i make really short posts. making the time at home is another matter of course. always so much going on and as andrew the teenager has taught us lately even more than we really want to know but absolutely need to and deal with. but they can't be my excuses anymore. somewhere somehow i need to find the time. i know i can like i did with the exercise but that made me feel better all around and even gave me more energy. maybe this will do the same. at the least it may make me a bit happier doing what i've always wanted to.
reasoning
At work but making the effort to get in blog today. been awhile are you glad I'm here? :) when i started this i thought it may be better if not a lot of people read this then i could really get into anything i wanted to and not have to think about anyone reading it. but then thats just a diary and i've had plenty of those. this was supposed to be different. this was finally supposed to get my words out there. to get some feedback maybe, some readers maybe. see what i was made of and why i haven't forced myself into writing more as i always dreamed i would. there was a story in one of those chicken soup for the soul books about a girl who wanted to write and wanted to b the author of the book sitting propped up in the library that she loved so much. well i didn't write it but i was certainly that girl. i know i am afraid to push myself because what if i really am no good. who wants to kill the dream. i'm also lazy. I hate editiong and going over what i write. over and over and over again. but that is the work part. and if your read me here ennough you'll see how some entries are nice and clean with all the proper punctuation and all we learned so many years ago and others are not. I either do not have the time to fix and want to get it posted or just don't care. usually i don't care when i'm completely venting and i'd rather not read over what i wrote. today i do not have time. i had to sit here waiting for this laptop to boot up and connect and then realised it was slow cause i wasn't connected to the correct network. so ten minutes of my 15 mintue break were just waiting. of course we all take more than 15. usually a good thirty and since its friday and i'm stuck with people i don't like much and are lazy bastards i may stretch it to 45 if i need it like they do. :)
Anyway i was talking with someone last night and i believe they made reference to my last blog which made my night as i was happy someone was acknowledging what i'm doing here. and that of course keeps me going and writing. sometimes i just get this itch where i have to write. have to get stuff out have to feel then pen and the paper in my hands. or see the words come up on the screen as i put them together. unfortunately that usually takes a month or so of not writing to push me to it. and even then when i do its a bunch of pages and i leave it again. I never asked if thats why they said what they did i just assumed it and it got me here today. actually before i fell asleep last night i was thinking of all the things i could be writing but i really needed to be sleeping. this happens way too often. when i'm lying there and just can't shut off my brain i have the best ideas of what to write about. can even get the thoughts organized and the words right. i have learned if i don't get up and write stuff down its gone. or at least it doeasn't come back to me in that same perfect way as it had in the middle of the night. again i'm lazy most of the time and i don't get up and do it. a serious dedicated writer would. guess i'm not there yet.
I am in the middle of a very good book right now. only started it a day or 2 ago and i'll probably finish it today. did not take my break to read this time for the reason stated above and also it's looking slow here today so i may get in a lot of reading time instead of working. so maybe i'll even be back here for a second go round on my afternoon break. lunchtime i have plans so your out of luck :) anyway this book is one that makes me want to write. its one that hits you and stays with you. thats what i want to do. if only i have the right topic i guess. there are so many fluff books out there i have had ideas for them and knew they may make it but i don't make myself do it. although that is not entirely true. i started on. my husband bought me my first laptop a few years ago. i was thirlkled tho it was probably too expensive at the time. i started using it more and more and putting together stories of all the crazy people my and my coworkers have dealt with over the years. it was going pretty nicely and i believe i saved most of it onto a disc somewhere so one day i could go back but heres what's keeping me away... my husband and i made an office room in our tiny middle bedroom for awhile. he had a desk with computer and all and i finally had my own desk again to be able to sit and write. i also put up shelves above my desk holding photo albums so i could use my desk for scrapbooking and to get rid of the 20 plus photo albums i have. well one day as my nice laptop was sitting on my nice desk waiting for me to pour my heart and soul into some great work that i had actually maybe started for once, seriously, we heard a loud crash. and if you haven't already already guessing. the big albums crashed the laptop on the desk and the laptop was no more. sure my husband did his best but no good. so i ask you is that a sign. cause to me it was. either what i was doing was crap or i just wasn't meant to. and for a long time after i rarely wrote a thing. to me it was like my dream was crushed right there in front of my eyes.
pretty depressing. but i'm here and i'm still trying. but time is ticking away and i'n thinking i need to go to school to have a better job than the one i've been hating a lot lately. or then i toy with the idea that if i worked at writing like i would have to for school... well maybe i'd get to where i always dreamed i'd be.
Anyway i was talking with someone last night and i believe they made reference to my last blog which made my night as i was happy someone was acknowledging what i'm doing here. and that of course keeps me going and writing. sometimes i just get this itch where i have to write. have to get stuff out have to feel then pen and the paper in my hands. or see the words come up on the screen as i put them together. unfortunately that usually takes a month or so of not writing to push me to it. and even then when i do its a bunch of pages and i leave it again. I never asked if thats why they said what they did i just assumed it and it got me here today. actually before i fell asleep last night i was thinking of all the things i could be writing but i really needed to be sleeping. this happens way too often. when i'm lying there and just can't shut off my brain i have the best ideas of what to write about. can even get the thoughts organized and the words right. i have learned if i don't get up and write stuff down its gone. or at least it doeasn't come back to me in that same perfect way as it had in the middle of the night. again i'm lazy most of the time and i don't get up and do it. a serious dedicated writer would. guess i'm not there yet.
I am in the middle of a very good book right now. only started it a day or 2 ago and i'll probably finish it today. did not take my break to read this time for the reason stated above and also it's looking slow here today so i may get in a lot of reading time instead of working. so maybe i'll even be back here for a second go round on my afternoon break. lunchtime i have plans so your out of luck :) anyway this book is one that makes me want to write. its one that hits you and stays with you. thats what i want to do. if only i have the right topic i guess. there are so many fluff books out there i have had ideas for them and knew they may make it but i don't make myself do it. although that is not entirely true. i started on. my husband bought me my first laptop a few years ago. i was thirlkled tho it was probably too expensive at the time. i started using it more and more and putting together stories of all the crazy people my and my coworkers have dealt with over the years. it was going pretty nicely and i believe i saved most of it onto a disc somewhere so one day i could go back but heres what's keeping me away... my husband and i made an office room in our tiny middle bedroom for awhile. he had a desk with computer and all and i finally had my own desk again to be able to sit and write. i also put up shelves above my desk holding photo albums so i could use my desk for scrapbooking and to get rid of the 20 plus photo albums i have. well one day as my nice laptop was sitting on my nice desk waiting for me to pour my heart and soul into some great work that i had actually maybe started for once, seriously, we heard a loud crash. and if you haven't already already guessing. the big albums crashed the laptop on the desk and the laptop was no more. sure my husband did his best but no good. so i ask you is that a sign. cause to me it was. either what i was doing was crap or i just wasn't meant to. and for a long time after i rarely wrote a thing. to me it was like my dream was crushed right there in front of my eyes.
pretty depressing. but i'm here and i'm still trying. but time is ticking away and i'n thinking i need to go to school to have a better job than the one i've been hating a lot lately. or then i toy with the idea that if i worked at writing like i would have to for school... well maybe i'd get to where i always dreamed i'd be.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
peace and quiet
I thought since I was working a lot this summer I'd use my breaks to post often. I'd have peace and quiet at the library and could bang out one a day or so. Well, maybe I've been lazy, but I've been enjoying my breaks more often as time to myself rather than having to get something done as I sometimes see this blog. I was enjoying the sunshine outside on our little patio at work and reading most times. My lunch or dinner hour if I wasn't out with friends from work, I was at my dads or just sitting in the car eating and reading. Lazy days of summer right? Guess since we've been back I've sort of been putting that saying to use.
I've been working four days a week since we got back from vacation. I chose it and we can use the money. Weds. and Thurs I work 1-9pm. Fri and Sat 9-5. When I first get in weds or thurs its smack in the middle of the day and it's usually crazy. We have had some kind of childrens program every day which brings people and loud kiddies in in droves. We also have our ILL cart, sometimes two, full of books from other libraries that we have to get in order and call every single person each item is for. Hundreds of calls a day. Plus the regular every day people who come in to see us and harass us (sometimes) I have to break early since i have to take dinner early at 4pm. After and hour and a half of the crazines I just want time to myself. I don't usually even sit in the break room with other people to chat. I go outside by myself most times because it's sooooo hot for everyone else. I've learned if i don't get outside for a bit during the day i'll become frozen from the air conditioning thats cranked up pretty high around my desk area. I really hate having to wear a sweater in the middle of summer. It just really annoys me. It's not right.
Coming back from dinner at five is usually a nice changeover of coworkers. The daytime people who think they are better than everyone else and know it all and barely work have left and we have the newer nighttime crew. A few of which I went out to late night happy hour with after work last night so you know we have a good time and get along. Evenings are much better, sometimes much quieter than the days . Defintely more relaxed because you don't have to worry about the director stalking around making you crazy. If we're hanging out and chatting on a slow night I like to break by myself and read outside again usually. It's really great. I have been reading quite a lot lately jumping from book to book to book. And of course when your in the middle of a good one thats all you want to do with that precious little free time you do get to yourself.
I am home three days straight which gives a nice break from the crazy work. Though there is plenty of work to do at home. Keeping the place clean, shopping, laundry, cooking, planning meals for the week. All the good day to day stuff I don't get to or don't bother when i'm working four days straight. Trying to keep up with the one tv show over the summer should be easy. I have 2 Rescue Me episodes waiting on dvr and hopefully I'll catch up by next tues before theres another new one. I'm hoping sunday. :)
Because it's summer there are extra fun things to keep you busy. or things you want to do to keep the kids busy. Been trying to get them over to dads more. Emily has a birthday party almost once a week. Keeping Jake out of water and busy with his boo-boo arm. Oh and of course we added a puppy to the family. And a few weeks later bought one of those metal frame do it yourself pool. 16' round so its been fun trying to get that going too.
I look forward to summer all school year to get to spend more time with the kiddies. Yet I've probably still got a month left of summer and I'm looking forward to the more organized (regimented almost) days of school. Where I work less and have a little more time for me. Whats sick is i miss having time to work out. I know i've put back on a few more punds since coming back from vacay. And I know i could make time at least on my days off but i have yet too and don't really want too. it's really not fun feeling fat and lazy over summer. Plus its hard with everyone home to take over the living room tv, with the space in the room to work out in. Maybe this will help get me back into the swing of things for me. Maybe I'll sit down and write more once a week at least on my off days instead of cleaning up the messy house. Though with the pee pee dog i cannot slow down on the laundry. And if he calms down more after he gets his shots I can take off with him with the excuse of a walk and get in some exercise too. Hmmmmm
I've been working four days a week since we got back from vacation. I chose it and we can use the money. Weds. and Thurs I work 1-9pm. Fri and Sat 9-5. When I first get in weds or thurs its smack in the middle of the day and it's usually crazy. We have had some kind of childrens program every day which brings people and loud kiddies in in droves. We also have our ILL cart, sometimes two, full of books from other libraries that we have to get in order and call every single person each item is for. Hundreds of calls a day. Plus the regular every day people who come in to see us and harass us (sometimes) I have to break early since i have to take dinner early at 4pm. After and hour and a half of the crazines I just want time to myself. I don't usually even sit in the break room with other people to chat. I go outside by myself most times because it's sooooo hot for everyone else. I've learned if i don't get outside for a bit during the day i'll become frozen from the air conditioning thats cranked up pretty high around my desk area. I really hate having to wear a sweater in the middle of summer. It just really annoys me. It's not right.
Coming back from dinner at five is usually a nice changeover of coworkers. The daytime people who think they are better than everyone else and know it all and barely work have left and we have the newer nighttime crew. A few of which I went out to late night happy hour with after work last night so you know we have a good time and get along. Evenings are much better, sometimes much quieter than the days . Defintely more relaxed because you don't have to worry about the director stalking around making you crazy. If we're hanging out and chatting on a slow night I like to break by myself and read outside again usually. It's really great. I have been reading quite a lot lately jumping from book to book to book. And of course when your in the middle of a good one thats all you want to do with that precious little free time you do get to yourself.
I am home three days straight which gives a nice break from the crazy work. Though there is plenty of work to do at home. Keeping the place clean, shopping, laundry, cooking, planning meals for the week. All the good day to day stuff I don't get to or don't bother when i'm working four days straight. Trying to keep up with the one tv show over the summer should be easy. I have 2 Rescue Me episodes waiting on dvr and hopefully I'll catch up by next tues before theres another new one. I'm hoping sunday. :)
Because it's summer there are extra fun things to keep you busy. or things you want to do to keep the kids busy. Been trying to get them over to dads more. Emily has a birthday party almost once a week. Keeping Jake out of water and busy with his boo-boo arm. Oh and of course we added a puppy to the family. And a few weeks later bought one of those metal frame do it yourself pool. 16' round so its been fun trying to get that going too.
I look forward to summer all school year to get to spend more time with the kiddies. Yet I've probably still got a month left of summer and I'm looking forward to the more organized (regimented almost) days of school. Where I work less and have a little more time for me. Whats sick is i miss having time to work out. I know i've put back on a few more punds since coming back from vacay. And I know i could make time at least on my days off but i have yet too and don't really want too. it's really not fun feeling fat and lazy over summer. Plus its hard with everyone home to take over the living room tv, with the space in the room to work out in. Maybe this will help get me back into the swing of things for me. Maybe I'll sit down and write more once a week at least on my off days instead of cleaning up the messy house. Though with the pee pee dog i cannot slow down on the laundry. And if he calms down more after he gets his shots I can take off with him with the excuse of a walk and get in some exercise too. Hmmmmm
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
disneyworld
in disneyquest. computers here do not allow face book. havig a ball. will probably have to pay to get internet in our timeshare for a bit next week to do some catching up :) will have some good posts going once we get home and i'm working a lot and need to fill up break times. seeyou allsoon. hope ypu are having a great summer so far too. would be nice if we had a little better weather.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
just do it
No I'm not advocating for Nike. I don't think I've ever even owned anything Nike made anyway. Just getting to my point. I have been stressing over this Florida Disney trip we are going on in a few days since it was first set, back in like Nov. when my hubby set the plans with the timeshare people. As if adding on to our house at the end of last year wasn't enough of an expense why shouldn't we go broke taking the kids to Disney just cause Jake is three and that's when we took Emily. I've long thought we should have waited until next year and money wasn't so tight.
Well, who the hell am I kidding money is always going to be tight. My husband and I are spenders not savers. We do what we want when we want. Why to you think we have this timeshare in Florida. Surprise trip Nov. '07 led to surprise purchase of said timeshare. But we love it and no way will we ever regret it. It's a given vacation every year. We know we're getting away no matter what. We are going cause we've been paying for it all year. {Sort of like a car payment.} But what more peace of mind is there than knowing you'll be getting away at a certain time. It's something to look forward to. always.
Sure, we do plenty of other stuff. Robs sister is getting married in August. She lives in Pennsylvania, a short ways away from Hershey park. Well we've never taken the kids there so we're hoping to take a side trip after the wedding for an extra day there. After Disney who knows if we can but we want to and will try our best to. We like to go places and do things and you can't take it with you so why not?
I know it's not always easy to get to do what you want thats why you really have to plan it. And do it for yourself. I've come to make sure I do something different that I have always wanted to do for my birthday. And of course make my husband do ti with me. I think he may have started it when for our anniversary one year he planned an overnight trip to Montauk for just the two of us. I knew nothing about it but my boss did as he showed up to work on day at lunchtime to take me away. He had planned it all and even pack my bag so I didn't have to do a damn thing. It was absolutely wonderful. We stayed across the road from the beach, went to a big breakfast buffet, my favorite meal. And then went out to the lighthouse something I had always wanted to do.
The next year for my birthday we took Emily and Jacob and went out to the Orient point lighthouse and stayed out there for a good part of the day. Again something I had never done. This year we went into the city. We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, walked around Central Park and the New York Public Library. From now on my birthday is free reign for doing something I've always wanted to. We all get one day a year thats special to us we might as well make the most of it.
I had intended to eventually write about this here because it's something I feel strongly about. We are only here once you may only get this chance once so why not take it. I think I had gotten away from some of that thinking recently with the stress of life getting to me. We still don't even have the CO for my upstairs because the town needs a ridiculous amount of paper work and plans we didn't know we needed to have done. Of course getting that done means more $. And right now our money is going to be heading down to Disneyworld. And being its Jakes first trip it's about time I start living in that fact and not that we could have had all the house stuff done if it weren't for the trip. What the hell should I care if the town says it's ok to live in my house the way it is yet or not. We're not moving out of it, we're living in it and have our space no matter what. And we're taking the kids to Disney. As far as I'm concerned and in light of the passing of the third person from my high school class this year (we're only 34) I think everyone should be planning a trip. To Disney or anywhere you've wanted to go and never been. Anywhere your kids want to go. For an overnight , a week, a month. Whatever you can do now. They won't care how much money you left them, Ok maybe the will. But they'll have much better memories of you should they lose you too soon. Or as sick as it sounds vice versa, because you just never know!
Well, who the hell am I kidding money is always going to be tight. My husband and I are spenders not savers. We do what we want when we want. Why to you think we have this timeshare in Florida. Surprise trip Nov. '07 led to surprise purchase of said timeshare. But we love it and no way will we ever regret it. It's a given vacation every year. We know we're getting away no matter what. We are going cause we've been paying for it all year. {Sort of like a car payment.} But what more peace of mind is there than knowing you'll be getting away at a certain time. It's something to look forward to. always.
Sure, we do plenty of other stuff. Robs sister is getting married in August. She lives in Pennsylvania, a short ways away from Hershey park. Well we've never taken the kids there so we're hoping to take a side trip after the wedding for an extra day there. After Disney who knows if we can but we want to and will try our best to. We like to go places and do things and you can't take it with you so why not?
I know it's not always easy to get to do what you want thats why you really have to plan it. And do it for yourself. I've come to make sure I do something different that I have always wanted to do for my birthday. And of course make my husband do ti with me. I think he may have started it when for our anniversary one year he planned an overnight trip to Montauk for just the two of us. I knew nothing about it but my boss did as he showed up to work on day at lunchtime to take me away. He had planned it all and even pack my bag so I didn't have to do a damn thing. It was absolutely wonderful. We stayed across the road from the beach, went to a big breakfast buffet, my favorite meal. And then went out to the lighthouse something I had always wanted to do.
The next year for my birthday we took Emily and Jacob and went out to the Orient point lighthouse and stayed out there for a good part of the day. Again something I had never done. This year we went into the city. We walked across the Brooklyn Bridge, walked around Central Park and the New York Public Library. From now on my birthday is free reign for doing something I've always wanted to. We all get one day a year thats special to us we might as well make the most of it.
I had intended to eventually write about this here because it's something I feel strongly about. We are only here once you may only get this chance once so why not take it. I think I had gotten away from some of that thinking recently with the stress of life getting to me. We still don't even have the CO for my upstairs because the town needs a ridiculous amount of paper work and plans we didn't know we needed to have done. Of course getting that done means more $. And right now our money is going to be heading down to Disneyworld. And being its Jakes first trip it's about time I start living in that fact and not that we could have had all the house stuff done if it weren't for the trip. What the hell should I care if the town says it's ok to live in my house the way it is yet or not. We're not moving out of it, we're living in it and have our space no matter what. And we're taking the kids to Disney. As far as I'm concerned and in light of the passing of the third person from my high school class this year (we're only 34) I think everyone should be planning a trip. To Disney or anywhere you've wanted to go and never been. Anywhere your kids want to go. For an overnight , a week, a month. Whatever you can do now. They won't care how much money you left them, Ok maybe the will. But they'll have much better memories of you should they lose you too soon. Or as sick as it sounds vice versa, because you just never know!
Saturday, June 20, 2009
smell
My husband can tell you a have a very good sense of smell. It bothers him to no end sometimes but I don't think he sees how he can use it to his advantage. Not yet anyway. There is a woman I work with who wears the nastiest smelling perfume. Even though some patrons have even complained about it she still wears it cause its her scent. Days she works with me and she puts on a lot I have to stay on the other end of the desk because it'll make me sick.
We have three cats and I'm the one who cleans the litter box every morning. There are nights that I will wake up or having been woken up for some reason I can smell the box and I have to get up and clean it so I can go back to sleep.
Funny thing is I'm really not that bad with food smells. I guess maybe because I like most all of them. Only fish to a certain extent can bother me. Although my mother used to make perogies in oil. She did this once when I was pregnant with the twins. I don't think I've eaten one to this day. And maybe because we always went shopping and ate at every fast food place around when I was a kid I love them all and need to get my fixes in after smelling them.
Bodily functions when it comes to the kids really don't bother me too much. You gotta do it right. And mom usually gets to clean it up. When I was a page at the library I was in a storytime class where a little girl got sick. I immediately got paper towels and started cleaning her up. Other people would have ran for the parent right away. I felt bad for her and helped clean her off. I don't remember it as being gross or even smelling for that matter I just remember reacting and helping her clean herself off.
Dealing with the public we get our share of smelly people. Sometimes dirty too. You just kind of have to back away take a deep breath and go wash your hands sometimes. Certain days people reeking of smoke bother the hell out of me. Other days I take a good deep breath and inhale the smoke. Womens perfumes aren't too bad. Mens cologne, every once in awhile I ask what it is their wearing if I like it.
My husband doesn't wear cologne very often. He has one that I love and maybe if he wore it at home more often .... Well I'll leave it at that. He leaves at about 5:45am for work but always comes in to kiss me goodbye. He's all cleaned up and ready for the day and smells yummy. If he gave himself some extra time in the morning I could drag him back into bed with me most mornings. At night before we go to bed he might go into the bathroom and get cleaned up but he doesn't use the cologne unless we go out. I have since moved it into our bedroom and from time to time just spray it around the room. It's an extra pick me up for me and puts me in a great mood for when he does get home. Although as with any scent its takes on a little something else with whomever may be wearing it so it's better on than just in the air. I have tried to find some other colognes but what I like he usually doesn't like. I like helping guys that smell good at work. Sad part is sometimes they're really old but they still smell yummy.
He also has to wear a good deodorant. Not to block out the smell of him.. well maybe sometimes but the smell of the deodorant itself has to be good. I've learned I have my favorite there and since I'm the one who usually buys it, it's worth it going into a different store just to find it. There are too many that smell so bad to me it is the biggest turn off and I don't even want to get near my husband. I don't know if I'm crazy or not but smell is a major factor in whats going on. Or what could possibly be going on later in the evening.
We have three cats and I'm the one who cleans the litter box every morning. There are nights that I will wake up or having been woken up for some reason I can smell the box and I have to get up and clean it so I can go back to sleep.
Funny thing is I'm really not that bad with food smells. I guess maybe because I like most all of them. Only fish to a certain extent can bother me. Although my mother used to make perogies in oil. She did this once when I was pregnant with the twins. I don't think I've eaten one to this day. And maybe because we always went shopping and ate at every fast food place around when I was a kid I love them all and need to get my fixes in after smelling them.
Bodily functions when it comes to the kids really don't bother me too much. You gotta do it right. And mom usually gets to clean it up. When I was a page at the library I was in a storytime class where a little girl got sick. I immediately got paper towels and started cleaning her up. Other people would have ran for the parent right away. I felt bad for her and helped clean her off. I don't remember it as being gross or even smelling for that matter I just remember reacting and helping her clean herself off.
Dealing with the public we get our share of smelly people. Sometimes dirty too. You just kind of have to back away take a deep breath and go wash your hands sometimes. Certain days people reeking of smoke bother the hell out of me. Other days I take a good deep breath and inhale the smoke. Womens perfumes aren't too bad. Mens cologne, every once in awhile I ask what it is their wearing if I like it.
My husband doesn't wear cologne very often. He has one that I love and maybe if he wore it at home more often .... Well I'll leave it at that. He leaves at about 5:45am for work but always comes in to kiss me goodbye. He's all cleaned up and ready for the day and smells yummy. If he gave himself some extra time in the morning I could drag him back into bed with me most mornings. At night before we go to bed he might go into the bathroom and get cleaned up but he doesn't use the cologne unless we go out. I have since moved it into our bedroom and from time to time just spray it around the room. It's an extra pick me up for me and puts me in a great mood for when he does get home. Although as with any scent its takes on a little something else with whomever may be wearing it so it's better on than just in the air. I have tried to find some other colognes but what I like he usually doesn't like. I like helping guys that smell good at work. Sad part is sometimes they're really old but they still smell yummy.
He also has to wear a good deodorant. Not to block out the smell of him.. well maybe sometimes but the smell of the deodorant itself has to be good. I've learned I have my favorite there and since I'm the one who usually buys it, it's worth it going into a different store just to find it. There are too many that smell so bad to me it is the biggest turn off and I don't even want to get near my husband. I don't know if I'm crazy or not but smell is a major factor in whats going on. Or what could possibly be going on later in the evening.
grumpy old man
When we first moved into our house, about five years ago, I was warned about my next door neighboor to the right of our house. There was no welcome wagon or anything when we moved in what I learned was from the few people I met at the bus stop that also had kids. I was told the the old man next to us wasn't very nice. I didn't think much of it as he had waved hello a few times and seemed to talk and get along well with my dad when we put up our fence shortly after we moved in. I ran into him once outside of the block and didn't even realize it was him when he said hello. I felt bad but what can you do, we were still pretty new to the neighborhood.
We bought the house from and older woman who was moving to Florida because that was where her only daughter now lived. Her husband had died years before. Every once in awhile I try to find out how, just incase it was in my house. Haven't been able to find anything though. Every once in awhile we hear this loud bang always from the same spot above what was the living room before we added on and Rob will joke that it's Mr. Frank haunting us because we can never find any reason for the noise. Mrs. Frank did tell us some about our new neighbors to be before we bought the house. The old man next door had lost his wife after she had lost her husband. His son still lived, and lives with him, though I can't figure out how old he is. I have never had any contact with him but he looks about the same age as my husband and I. His daughter lives on the other side of him. I'm not sure if there's a husband around or not but there is a granddaughter. Never met the mom but the granddaughter had been friends with the girls that lived on the other side of us so she may have even been over once or twice. I think she is a year or two older than my boys.
The women at the bus stop told me how he called the police and or the town about the basketball hoop outside her yard and how it wasn't allowed in the street and he didn't like them playing in front of his house. I believe there was another incident or two but that was the one that stuck in my mind. I really didn't think badly about him from what i was told, figured it was just heresay.
I love being outside in my yard so my kids are outside a lot with me. They have tons of toys to play with including many balls and other items that may wind up over a neighbors fence. At first it wasn't too bad they'd lose a few balls, go over and knock and he'd get them for them. Or he'd even throw them back. After I guess too much of this he told my boys,"tell your dad i'm not your left fielder" and that he wasn't going to be retrieving any more balls for us. My husband put about 2 foot chicken wire fence above our 6 foot fence along the side of our yard the connected to his to catch the balls. Of course some still go over but now we never see them again. I hear him open his door shortly after and let his dog out and then the dog chews up whatever ball went over. I figure thats his right its his yard and the kids really need to watch what goes over from now on. If i was alone all day enjoying peace and quiet when and old woman lived next door and by her own admission never went outside, then she goes and sells her house to us with now four young noisy kids I may not be too happy about it either. So he's doing his best maybe. Having his fun letting his dog chew our stuff. If i were him I might do the same. Its obvious he watches everything as he reacts very quickly. Guess he has nothing better to do.
My son Robert loves remote control flying toys. He has had quite a few over the years. He knows to be very careful with the grumpy old man next door and hardly ever flies anything near the property line. One day we were out in the front him, me and little jake. Jake distracted him and it went over nasty mans fence. But it barely went over. Now he had a short fence seperating his front and back yards and he has a chain link seperating our front yard from his. We could see the flying wasp toy just a few feet into the backyard. He tried reaching it and couldn't quite make it. Now this was no cheap toy as most good remote control things are. I told him quickly jump in grab it and jump out. He did. Now Robert is also afraid of dogs so there's no way he'd have gone over if the dog was out. Within ten seconds of him jumping back out and into our yard nasty man was at his side door yelling at me. Yelling about how he has a dog and he's not responsible for anything that might happen if my son comes over his fence into his yard and the dog were to get him. And as he's yelling he's pointing his old crotchedy figure at me. I was pissed. But what are you going to do. I said he was in and out no one got hurt and walked away.
A few days later I noticed nasty man had some fencing delivered. I immediately thought you got to be kidding. Thinking he was going to put up new higher fence where Robert was able to jump over. Well it didn't go up right away but sure enough a few weeks later he's got brand new 6 ft stockade fence up. I thought it was too funny. Whats better is he must have it standing on something because his 6ft fence is a good foot higher than my six foot fence that runs along side it. I just have to laugh every time I look at it.
I have thought about maybe baking him a cake or some cookies to bring over to be the bigger person and apologize for all the balls and everything else that may have come in his yard. There was a period of time when just for fun Jake would throw anything he got his hands on over the fence if he could get it that high. Most of that stuff I believe came back. I still toy with the notion of doing it. Maybe when I bake all my christmas cookies I'll send over a bunch. Maybe. But for now I just let it be and hope none of my kids lets anything special get over that fence because they never will see it again.
We bought the house from and older woman who was moving to Florida because that was where her only daughter now lived. Her husband had died years before. Every once in awhile I try to find out how, just incase it was in my house. Haven't been able to find anything though. Every once in awhile we hear this loud bang always from the same spot above what was the living room before we added on and Rob will joke that it's Mr. Frank haunting us because we can never find any reason for the noise. Mrs. Frank did tell us some about our new neighbors to be before we bought the house. The old man next door had lost his wife after she had lost her husband. His son still lived, and lives with him, though I can't figure out how old he is. I have never had any contact with him but he looks about the same age as my husband and I. His daughter lives on the other side of him. I'm not sure if there's a husband around or not but there is a granddaughter. Never met the mom but the granddaughter had been friends with the girls that lived on the other side of us so she may have even been over once or twice. I think she is a year or two older than my boys.
The women at the bus stop told me how he called the police and or the town about the basketball hoop outside her yard and how it wasn't allowed in the street and he didn't like them playing in front of his house. I believe there was another incident or two but that was the one that stuck in my mind. I really didn't think badly about him from what i was told, figured it was just heresay.
I love being outside in my yard so my kids are outside a lot with me. They have tons of toys to play with including many balls and other items that may wind up over a neighbors fence. At first it wasn't too bad they'd lose a few balls, go over and knock and he'd get them for them. Or he'd even throw them back. After I guess too much of this he told my boys,"tell your dad i'm not your left fielder" and that he wasn't going to be retrieving any more balls for us. My husband put about 2 foot chicken wire fence above our 6 foot fence along the side of our yard the connected to his to catch the balls. Of course some still go over but now we never see them again. I hear him open his door shortly after and let his dog out and then the dog chews up whatever ball went over. I figure thats his right its his yard and the kids really need to watch what goes over from now on. If i was alone all day enjoying peace and quiet when and old woman lived next door and by her own admission never went outside, then she goes and sells her house to us with now four young noisy kids I may not be too happy about it either. So he's doing his best maybe. Having his fun letting his dog chew our stuff. If i were him I might do the same. Its obvious he watches everything as he reacts very quickly. Guess he has nothing better to do.
My son Robert loves remote control flying toys. He has had quite a few over the years. He knows to be very careful with the grumpy old man next door and hardly ever flies anything near the property line. One day we were out in the front him, me and little jake. Jake distracted him and it went over nasty mans fence. But it barely went over. Now he had a short fence seperating his front and back yards and he has a chain link seperating our front yard from his. We could see the flying wasp toy just a few feet into the backyard. He tried reaching it and couldn't quite make it. Now this was no cheap toy as most good remote control things are. I told him quickly jump in grab it and jump out. He did. Now Robert is also afraid of dogs so there's no way he'd have gone over if the dog was out. Within ten seconds of him jumping back out and into our yard nasty man was at his side door yelling at me. Yelling about how he has a dog and he's not responsible for anything that might happen if my son comes over his fence into his yard and the dog were to get him. And as he's yelling he's pointing his old crotchedy figure at me. I was pissed. But what are you going to do. I said he was in and out no one got hurt and walked away.
A few days later I noticed nasty man had some fencing delivered. I immediately thought you got to be kidding. Thinking he was going to put up new higher fence where Robert was able to jump over. Well it didn't go up right away but sure enough a few weeks later he's got brand new 6 ft stockade fence up. I thought it was too funny. Whats better is he must have it standing on something because his 6ft fence is a good foot higher than my six foot fence that runs along side it. I just have to laugh every time I look at it.
I have thought about maybe baking him a cake or some cookies to bring over to be the bigger person and apologize for all the balls and everything else that may have come in his yard. There was a period of time when just for fun Jake would throw anything he got his hands on over the fence if he could get it that high. Most of that stuff I believe came back. I still toy with the notion of doing it. Maybe when I bake all my christmas cookies I'll send over a bunch. Maybe. But for now I just let it be and hope none of my kids lets anything special get over that fence because they never will see it again.
Friday, June 12, 2009
crazy time
Rob and I have been talking about the real possibility of a number five lately. As soon as we think one way something else happens and we may go another. I think the biggest thing for me is knowing it's still a real possibility. I can't say Yes I definitly want another baby now. Actually I don't want one now, but in another year or so probably. There are some things we want to do with the kiddies we have before we add on. Luckily we are young enough we can say ok maybe in a year or so. By the time that year or so goes by maybe we'll be sure we're done. For me I can't just say, No more babies for me. Not quite yet anyway. I see all the benefits of keeping our family the way it is. But I still think I want just one more. Want to feel that baby inside me. The big issue for me is what if there is more than one. Thats the scary factor. I had twins first so I knew nothing else. I've had two singles since and it was just cake with one. Plus there were older siblings around to help out. What a big bonus. When I was pregnant with Emily my first sonogram showed two sacs. One baby didn't take. But right there Emily was almost a twin too. I have heard also that as you get older your chances of twins increase. Here I had almost two sets while I was younger so I think my chance of twins again after I hit 35 next year might be pretty darn good. This is something we would have to be ready for.
We would try for a certain time of year for a newbies brithday if we go for it. When spring comes things get really crazy around here when it comes to birthdays. We have a two in the family in April but once my birthday hits in May its crazy time. From May 17th, mine, to June 19th there are eight birthdays we celebrate. Thats not even counting the four friends I have that fall in there also. We have our timeshare week as soon as school gets out. The very end of june to early july. So theres finishing up with school and getting on the road to florida. Once we get back we have two more birthdays in July. I told my husband there is no way we could have another birthday fall into the crazy time. We'd be shooting for a winter birthday. No trying until the holidays hit! Practice beforehand, Sure! Now that may take a little bit of the fun out of it but theres no way I'm chancing that one. Besides I will always know the babies birthday as I have scheduled c-sections. My only real surprise would be the sex.
And now I may start off another discussion. Rob always wants to know. I don't and will not if there is one more. Had to know with the twins. Found out with Emily for him. Jake, told him no way we're finding out. Same thing if theres another. Now if there winds up being two... well, maybe. Maybe there won't be another at all. We were going to start around these holidays but theres a big trip we want to take the kids on we just can't do with a newbie or two. So next holiday season we may be working on it. From where I sit now we will be. In another year you never know what can happen so there is no guarantee. I may not be so lucky and get pregnant as easily as I have been blessed with in the past. Maybe I'll be satisfied with the new baby, a puppy, my husband is determined to get this summer. Anything is possible.
We would try for a certain time of year for a newbies brithday if we go for it. When spring comes things get really crazy around here when it comes to birthdays. We have a two in the family in April but once my birthday hits in May its crazy time. From May 17th, mine, to June 19th there are eight birthdays we celebrate. Thats not even counting the four friends I have that fall in there also. We have our timeshare week as soon as school gets out. The very end of june to early july. So theres finishing up with school and getting on the road to florida. Once we get back we have two more birthdays in July. I told my husband there is no way we could have another birthday fall into the crazy time. We'd be shooting for a winter birthday. No trying until the holidays hit! Practice beforehand, Sure! Now that may take a little bit of the fun out of it but theres no way I'm chancing that one. Besides I will always know the babies birthday as I have scheduled c-sections. My only real surprise would be the sex.
And now I may start off another discussion. Rob always wants to know. I don't and will not if there is one more. Had to know with the twins. Found out with Emily for him. Jake, told him no way we're finding out. Same thing if theres another. Now if there winds up being two... well, maybe. Maybe there won't be another at all. We were going to start around these holidays but theres a big trip we want to take the kids on we just can't do with a newbie or two. So next holiday season we may be working on it. From where I sit now we will be. In another year you never know what can happen so there is no guarantee. I may not be so lucky and get pregnant as easily as I have been blessed with in the past. Maybe I'll be satisfied with the new baby, a puppy, my husband is determined to get this summer. Anything is possible.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
rain on wednesday
I'm actually off this wednesday night as Rob is going to a Yankee game. I'll have the kids to myself for the evening which doesn't happen all that often. We'll make breakfast for dinner or some other yummy munchies. Usually watch a movie and picnic on the living room floor. Or just hang out and maybe play some games. I really like having this time with them.
Unfortunately Emily has a baseball game. I won't get to veg out in my pj's all day cause theres no work for me. I won't get to relax with the kiddies cause we've got to get to baseball. She loves playing, but I feel bad for the other kids who will either get left home to watch each other or dragged along to the game. I am no soccer mom. I enjoy watching Emily play. I don't enjoy sitting outside freezing, chasing Jacob around and usually missing whats going on in her game because i have three other children to think about. My husband is all about the sports and since he played everything every season and was the baby i don't think he gets my point of view. He of course has become the main coach on her team. Didn't sign up for it, just happened. If I could go with just her and watch just her and think about just her maybe i'd actually enjoy it. I might even be able to keep track of the score of the game. If I go without the other kids on wednesday I know i'll be worrying about what they are doing at home. If I bring them I'll just be trying to keep Jacob busy and out of everyone elses hair and counting the minutes till the game is over. So is it really that bad of me to be hoping for rain?
Of course if theres enough of it there won't be any game. No dilemma of who's going. Though then there may not be any Yankee game either and my husband could be home too. It does take a hell of a lot more rain to wash out a yankee game though. I'm tempted to ask Emily what she'd rather do, veg at home or go to the game. That of course would be really wrong and I wouldn't do it. She signed up to play she should show up to play its only fair to the rest of the team. But I am tempted.
I am not a joiner, never have been. I'll watch sports. I won't usually play them. In school, gym class was pass or fail. I knew I could be unprepared for gym twice each quarter and still pass. Of course I was unprepared eight times every year and still passed. I sometimes even failed a quarter being unprepared too many times but passed for the year. By the time I was a senior the teachers got smart and started making you write a little report if you were unprepared for class. By then I was on to cutting anyway so i'd miss as many that way and still pass.
My big boys never got signed up for anything. I never had the money. Also never had the time. Or at least I felt I had enough going on with living at home, having my mom babysit so i could work, having them in two different schools, and their father having them every weekend. It was a crazy enough schedule why would I add anything else to it on purpose. I do feel bad for them now as they see Emily and eventually Jacob join things. I think now that they are older and can do it free at school they don't even have the desire because they never did it before. Which also makes it worse to make them come along. Most games I'm working and Rob takes them all. He doesn't feel the mommy guilt I do.
So rain on wednesday.... I really am hoping so. I can spend time with all my kids and not feel like one is getting favored for a little while. Maybe thats where I have to adjust my thinking to that of a family with each of us having our own thing that the others may have to sacrifice some time for. And thats what makes us a family.
Unfortunately Emily has a baseball game. I won't get to veg out in my pj's all day cause theres no work for me. I won't get to relax with the kiddies cause we've got to get to baseball. She loves playing, but I feel bad for the other kids who will either get left home to watch each other or dragged along to the game. I am no soccer mom. I enjoy watching Emily play. I don't enjoy sitting outside freezing, chasing Jacob around and usually missing whats going on in her game because i have three other children to think about. My husband is all about the sports and since he played everything every season and was the baby i don't think he gets my point of view. He of course has become the main coach on her team. Didn't sign up for it, just happened. If I could go with just her and watch just her and think about just her maybe i'd actually enjoy it. I might even be able to keep track of the score of the game. If I go without the other kids on wednesday I know i'll be worrying about what they are doing at home. If I bring them I'll just be trying to keep Jacob busy and out of everyone elses hair and counting the minutes till the game is over. So is it really that bad of me to be hoping for rain?
Of course if theres enough of it there won't be any game. No dilemma of who's going. Though then there may not be any Yankee game either and my husband could be home too. It does take a hell of a lot more rain to wash out a yankee game though. I'm tempted to ask Emily what she'd rather do, veg at home or go to the game. That of course would be really wrong and I wouldn't do it. She signed up to play she should show up to play its only fair to the rest of the team. But I am tempted.
I am not a joiner, never have been. I'll watch sports. I won't usually play them. In school, gym class was pass or fail. I knew I could be unprepared for gym twice each quarter and still pass. Of course I was unprepared eight times every year and still passed. I sometimes even failed a quarter being unprepared too many times but passed for the year. By the time I was a senior the teachers got smart and started making you write a little report if you were unprepared for class. By then I was on to cutting anyway so i'd miss as many that way and still pass.
My big boys never got signed up for anything. I never had the money. Also never had the time. Or at least I felt I had enough going on with living at home, having my mom babysit so i could work, having them in two different schools, and their father having them every weekend. It was a crazy enough schedule why would I add anything else to it on purpose. I do feel bad for them now as they see Emily and eventually Jacob join things. I think now that they are older and can do it free at school they don't even have the desire because they never did it before. Which also makes it worse to make them come along. Most games I'm working and Rob takes them all. He doesn't feel the mommy guilt I do.
So rain on wednesday.... I really am hoping so. I can spend time with all my kids and not feel like one is getting favored for a little while. Maybe thats where I have to adjust my thinking to that of a family with each of us having our own thing that the others may have to sacrifice some time for. And thats what makes us a family.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
jon and kate
I first have to say that i have never seen a full episode of the show jon and kate plus eight. I know its some big phenomenon, even more so lately. I have never really had the desire to watch. I may have stopped while flipping through and caught a bit here and there but never kept it on. Over the past week or so I couldn't help noticing them on the cover of many magazines. A lot of the ladies I work with read the magazines so they are always around our desk at work. I don't read them religiously like some ladies do. (People magazine is our Joans' Bible.) Only when I'm bored or something interests me on the cover will i flip through, otherwise i stick with my books.
We've been pretty dead most nights lately so I've flipped through and couldn't help seeing all the coverage on this family. With a roll of my eyes i started flipping past the story. I feel if you want to open your family up to the scrutiny of the media every day you deserve what you get. I only feel bad for their kids and really couldn't care less about the details of their lives.
Then I saw the before picture of Kate. Holy Shit! what a difference. I think I have shown it to everyone and anyone who would listen. It is shocking. I still cannot get over it. She looked like any everyday normal mom. Comfy clothes, messy hair, a few pounds overweight from having the kids. But she also had a big smile on her face. Now, forget it, she's a completely different person at least looks-wise. I swear she is trying her damnedest to look like Victoria Beckham, miss posh spice i believe. The hairdo, the big sunglasses, the mini skirts, the attitude. Theres one shot i would've sworn it WAS her!
That picture hooked me. I have now read every article I've seen on this crazy lady. And there have been quite a few. A few other women I work with who have watched the show from the beginning assure me she's been 'off' from the get go. I guess nothing shows it more than her looks. I mean no one wants to be known as that frumpy mom type do they? But we are, aren't we? And we've all got those good shots when we may be looking our mom finest. We are of course more than moms but for a lot of years that pretty much defines you.
I think Kate, because she has been handed the means on a silver platter, has done everything to not look like mom. If what they say is true and she is barely home with her kids anymore, as she's out promoting book after book, why would she. I don't always want to look like "mom." When people find out how many kids i have they often say I don't look like i have four kids. And it is a wonderful compliment. But then again what is someone with four kids supposed to look like. In my case, I'm guessing older.
I can't fault her for wanting to look good. She is all over the media. I do think she's gone to the extreme at the expense of her family. At least thats what its sounds like to me from what i've read. Over the past few years I've tried to make myself look better (and healthier) by losing weight. I certainly didn't have any surgery, and if i was handed the money would never do it. I also would never put my life on tv. Sure, I'll give you all pieces of it in my writing but thats what i'm choosing to give you. Works much better that way. And if I was ever able to get anything published I wouldn't leave my kids for 20 out of 31 days in a month, as been reported about Kate. I'd be missing way too much. If thats what it took to get published, it wouldn't be worth it. No way, no how. They grow up once and you never get that back.
We've been pretty dead most nights lately so I've flipped through and couldn't help seeing all the coverage on this family. With a roll of my eyes i started flipping past the story. I feel if you want to open your family up to the scrutiny of the media every day you deserve what you get. I only feel bad for their kids and really couldn't care less about the details of their lives.
Then I saw the before picture of Kate. Holy Shit! what a difference. I think I have shown it to everyone and anyone who would listen. It is shocking. I still cannot get over it. She looked like any everyday normal mom. Comfy clothes, messy hair, a few pounds overweight from having the kids. But she also had a big smile on her face. Now, forget it, she's a completely different person at least looks-wise. I swear she is trying her damnedest to look like Victoria Beckham, miss posh spice i believe. The hairdo, the big sunglasses, the mini skirts, the attitude. Theres one shot i would've sworn it WAS her!
That picture hooked me. I have now read every article I've seen on this crazy lady. And there have been quite a few. A few other women I work with who have watched the show from the beginning assure me she's been 'off' from the get go. I guess nothing shows it more than her looks. I mean no one wants to be known as that frumpy mom type do they? But we are, aren't we? And we've all got those good shots when we may be looking our mom finest. We are of course more than moms but for a lot of years that pretty much defines you.
I think Kate, because she has been handed the means on a silver platter, has done everything to not look like mom. If what they say is true and she is barely home with her kids anymore, as she's out promoting book after book, why would she. I don't always want to look like "mom." When people find out how many kids i have they often say I don't look like i have four kids. And it is a wonderful compliment. But then again what is someone with four kids supposed to look like. In my case, I'm guessing older.
I can't fault her for wanting to look good. She is all over the media. I do think she's gone to the extreme at the expense of her family. At least thats what its sounds like to me from what i've read. Over the past few years I've tried to make myself look better (and healthier) by losing weight. I certainly didn't have any surgery, and if i was handed the money would never do it. I also would never put my life on tv. Sure, I'll give you all pieces of it in my writing but thats what i'm choosing to give you. Works much better that way. And if I was ever able to get anything published I wouldn't leave my kids for 20 out of 31 days in a month, as been reported about Kate. I'd be missing way too much. If thats what it took to get published, it wouldn't be worth it. No way, no how. They grow up once and you never get that back.
Friday, May 22, 2009
necessary evil
Being a girl is just so much fun! Birth control sucks. As i sit here nursing what wants to become a migraine i needed to complain. We want to have sex and enjoy it birth control becomes the necessary evil. Gee, who has to deal with it. me or as in most cases the woman! I've said to a few people once we decide on number five or not it'll finally be my husbands turn. One visit to consult. one visit snip snip and I don't have to think about it anymore! Yippee for me! Hopefully rob agrees to it or we may have a problem. Think this may be part of my very convincing arguement.
Its recommended for us lovely ladies to start seeing the fun doctor(gyno) at i believe 16 or when you become sexually active. For me that would have been 15. Two visits a year for your annual and pap. I just turned 34 so thats fifty eight visits so far. Not even counting the extras when you get pregnant. And all the good invasive things that go on there. Plus not having any control of your body for nine months each time. Just extra goodies.
Now birth conrtol. You must keep up with these visits in order to keep getting your birth control so theres no hedging the numbers. I have been on three different types so far. I know there are a lot more out there but for me its juts been three. Each one in addition to the lovely risks you now hear listed on the tv has come with their own special side effects for me and my body!
First up was the patch. A sticky patch like a band aid you put on certain parts of your body and leave it for a week. Of course in the course of a week it doesn't look very good so you try to put it somewhere rarely seen. Three patches for a month, the last week no patch and you get your friend! Along with my friend and all her joyous effects on my body i began getting migraine headaches. I have always gotten bad headaches since I was little. these migraines... well they suck ten times more. There were times i could not go to work much less do anything but lie in bed with the room in complete darkness and a pillow over my head to keep out any and every possible sound. If i was lucky I'd cry myself to sleep the pain was so bad. The longer I was on the patch the worse they seemed to get. They wouldn't be gone when I woke up after awhile and would hang around for a few days. I had to learn to cope with it and function beyond the pain. Somehow I did. I figured losing a day a month in pain was the necessary evil i'd put up with to enjoy a good sex life with my husband.
Next we had Jacob and when I wanted the patch back cause I was used to it after having been on it for three years they would not give it to me. It was not recalled per se but there was a big stink about the blood clot risk and my dr. would no longer prescribe it. Now My good dr. was touting the greatness of the ring. the new brith control option. This bendy ring goes up like a tampon and stays for three weeks. Was not thrilled with this at all. Was in fact quite pissed and called a girlfriend to bitch about it. "Oh, i'm on it and its great!" she tells me. So I suck it up and give it a shot. This first month wasn't too bad but i felt my contacts weren't quite right. The next month it got even worse and I could barely wear them. Something was just not right with my eyes. Back to the dr.
I get the lowest dose pill they have. Bacause of the reaction I had to the ring they don't want to chance anything else. Sure, now I have to remember to take a pill every damn day! not happy. I stash the pills with my toothbrush and do not have any problem forgetting them!
These pills aren't all that bad. You have 24 real ones and four fakes. You take the fakes so you don't get out of your routine and thats when your supposed to get your period. Funny thing is I NEVER get it when i'm on the fake ones. I also only get it every other month now. Thats a side effect i don't mind. First I was worried about it but the dr. said as long as i get it i'm good. I do have to track when it actually shows up still but every other month its almost a gift. I still feel the fun effects once a month but hey less grossness is always good. My body always knows when I've been off them. By the fourth fake pill day I get a slight headache like yesterday. Today I started my new pack but because my body hasn't registered the real pill yet I still have my annoying headache. It doesn't ever, or at least not yet, go into a full- blown migraine or anything but i can always feel it may have the potential. Thats when I know i must take tylenol. Extra strength. three at a time. Thats what my body likes. Take them for my cramps and my toothaches too. Went through a Bj's big bottle of them in about a month recently. Yes not good but I'm still here. I don't think u can OD on tylenol. Pain I've had quite enough of it and will do whats necessary to get rid of it. I've finally started with a hopefully good dentist... but thats another story
Its recommended for us lovely ladies to start seeing the fun doctor(gyno) at i believe 16 or when you become sexually active. For me that would have been 15. Two visits a year for your annual and pap. I just turned 34 so thats fifty eight visits so far. Not even counting the extras when you get pregnant. And all the good invasive things that go on there. Plus not having any control of your body for nine months each time. Just extra goodies.
Now birth conrtol. You must keep up with these visits in order to keep getting your birth control so theres no hedging the numbers. I have been on three different types so far. I know there are a lot more out there but for me its juts been three. Each one in addition to the lovely risks you now hear listed on the tv has come with their own special side effects for me and my body!
First up was the patch. A sticky patch like a band aid you put on certain parts of your body and leave it for a week. Of course in the course of a week it doesn't look very good so you try to put it somewhere rarely seen. Three patches for a month, the last week no patch and you get your friend! Along with my friend and all her joyous effects on my body i began getting migraine headaches. I have always gotten bad headaches since I was little. these migraines... well they suck ten times more. There were times i could not go to work much less do anything but lie in bed with the room in complete darkness and a pillow over my head to keep out any and every possible sound. If i was lucky I'd cry myself to sleep the pain was so bad. The longer I was on the patch the worse they seemed to get. They wouldn't be gone when I woke up after awhile and would hang around for a few days. I had to learn to cope with it and function beyond the pain. Somehow I did. I figured losing a day a month in pain was the necessary evil i'd put up with to enjoy a good sex life with my husband.
Next we had Jacob and when I wanted the patch back cause I was used to it after having been on it for three years they would not give it to me. It was not recalled per se but there was a big stink about the blood clot risk and my dr. would no longer prescribe it. Now My good dr. was touting the greatness of the ring. the new brith control option. This bendy ring goes up like a tampon and stays for three weeks. Was not thrilled with this at all. Was in fact quite pissed and called a girlfriend to bitch about it. "Oh, i'm on it and its great!" she tells me. So I suck it up and give it a shot. This first month wasn't too bad but i felt my contacts weren't quite right. The next month it got even worse and I could barely wear them. Something was just not right with my eyes. Back to the dr.
I get the lowest dose pill they have. Bacause of the reaction I had to the ring they don't want to chance anything else. Sure, now I have to remember to take a pill every damn day! not happy. I stash the pills with my toothbrush and do not have any problem forgetting them!
These pills aren't all that bad. You have 24 real ones and four fakes. You take the fakes so you don't get out of your routine and thats when your supposed to get your period. Funny thing is I NEVER get it when i'm on the fake ones. I also only get it every other month now. Thats a side effect i don't mind. First I was worried about it but the dr. said as long as i get it i'm good. I do have to track when it actually shows up still but every other month its almost a gift. I still feel the fun effects once a month but hey less grossness is always good. My body always knows when I've been off them. By the fourth fake pill day I get a slight headache like yesterday. Today I started my new pack but because my body hasn't registered the real pill yet I still have my annoying headache. It doesn't ever, or at least not yet, go into a full- blown migraine or anything but i can always feel it may have the potential. Thats when I know i must take tylenol. Extra strength. three at a time. Thats what my body likes. Take them for my cramps and my toothaches too. Went through a Bj's big bottle of them in about a month recently. Yes not good but I'm still here. I don't think u can OD on tylenol. Pain I've had quite enough of it and will do whats necessary to get rid of it. I've finally started with a hopefully good dentist... but thats another story
fridays
It seems by the end of the week i'm making the time to get on here. Weather is finally getting and hopefully staying nice and warm. Birthdays have begun. Love that it starts with mine. And so comes extra craziness. We also have school ending and our summer vacation to plan. Not sure that having our time share week be the week right after school ends was such a good idea but it's too late now. Looking forward to the trip. Not the planning and packing for everyone in my house but my husband. Just part of my job as mom right? We are going for two weeks this year and going to Disneyworld. With some extended family. That makes planning above and beyond what it usually is. Last year we just went and the plan was hang out at the timeshare complex and do all they had to offer. That was the best. No set time to go anywhere or do anything, thats a real vacation right? Think we should do it that way more often. I've got lists of rides at each park, best places to eat, cheapest, what robs mom will be able to do, what we're going to try to do each day all running through my head. In addition to all the normal day to day stuff. So much fun. There was a great Zits comic in the paper the other day. The teenage boy starts off complaining about why his mom has to share every thought in her head with him. Of course she answers he's not, he's just getting the highlights. The kid comments, "O'hare, Atlanta, and Heathrow all in one skull" Dad agrees yup a lot of traffic up there. It is just sooo damn true. Keeping track of everything in the house, with four kids and all their own issues and three animals, and a husband, all the house stuff in itself, like laundry and grocery lists and what we need at all time if i'm ever in the right store and have the money. And work stuff and friends you want to make sure to keep in touch with and emails and i could just go on and on and on. There is way too much going on up there at all times. My husband works during the day, i work nights and weekends so ideally one of us is home with the kids. Of course this doesn't always happen when the kids have their own stuff going on now so they have to watch each other sometimes and of course if my husband runs late or has meetings and can't make it home before i have to leave. I cannot remember it all. Yes i know there are certain days he usually has meetings but by the end of the school year the schedule has gone out the window. Every night before bed I go over in my head whats going on the next day and what needs to be done and who goes where and all that so i have it all straight and know how the days going to go. On nights i don't do it i wind up being surprised the next day. I had a horrible toothache the night before last i could barely get to sleep much less think about the next day. At five o'clock yesterday when my husband didn't get home yet it dawns on me it may be a late day and the kids will be on their own for a bit as i need to leave for work in half an hour. Yes I also didn't work thursdays most of the schoolyear so I didn't have to think about when the kids would be on their own. Disney is coming and we need the cash. So of course when i get my husband on the phone he thought i knew. Just a little reminder the day before, the day of, without my asking would be very helpful. Its exhausting always asking and keeping track. a little help would be nice. maybe theni'd sleep a little better too...
Friday, May 15, 2009
mothers day
Wasn't quite sure what I wanted out of the day this year but I got a little bit of everything and it was great. Probably the best one yet. I was not thrilled when I felt I had to go to my mothers house. I even told my sister how our mom could just send a card to hers and never went to see her. Felt like she was messing with my day now that I'm mom too. Thought seriously about calling and saying I didn't feel well. I did not.
I did not get any extra sleep as I might have hoped. Jake came into bed with me around 7-7:30am. My husband jumped right up. If only he'd do that more than once a year. :) I think he took jake to the potty and then went downstairs. Jake wanted me to lie in his bed for awhile and we did. It was nice. He eventually went downstairs with daddy. I actually got into Emilys bed. A few days before she had said she wanted to make me breakfast. I told her I wanted her to make sure daddy got me breakfast from Friendlys. I knew she needed breakfast first so i crawled into bed with her to wake her.
She was very happy and we cuddled for awhile. Until my stomach started growling. I told her to go down and have daddy make her breafast so then they could go get mine. My husband learned on our honeymoon I need food in the morning or I get very grouchy. We were going out to breakfast at disney world. I was up and ready early. He took a little longer. Then when we got there we had to wait and i was pissed cause i was starving by then. Needless to say emily ate quick and I had my breakfast in bed around 9.
When Emily went downstairs I got back into bed in my room. I think that is what made the day so great. I finally had my own bed in my own room to veg out in and everyone could come and cater to me there. Loved it. Of course it is shared with my husband but three years of the living room being our bedroom I still wake up happy and love spending a day vegging in my bed. I couldn't go back to sleep now but I got to catch up on all my dvr'd shows. My Friendlys breakfast was set up nicely on a tray. The kids only stole a few bits of bacon. They came in and out and it was just really nice and relaxing. I wanted to have them clean up some of the yard for me so when my husband got in to snuggle with me I reminded him about it and how we were suposed to get to my mothers later.
He got them outside and working. I had cut down a bunch of branches before any work had even started on the house and they were cleaning them out and tying them up for the town to finally take. I got up and helped some. Usually goes faster that way anyway. Also had my book and read for awhile while they finished. It was so gorgeous. Could not have asked for a better day.
Then we all got quickly cleaned up and ready to go to my mothers. We were there about 3 hours. Not too bad. Think my husband enjoyed what she had cooked. I was barely hungry from my big breakfast. The kids had fun as grandmas yard is like a playground.
We left and I was dropped of at home for some peace and quiet as my husband brought the kids over to his moms. he also took them bowling after and i toyed with the idea of going to but eventually did not. Just vegged in my room and outside some more. To nice to not spend more of the day outside. I actually exercised some. Guess I'm to the point where it makes me feel good to do it so I do.
They brought home dinner from white castle. I think it is a big waste to try to go out on mothers day. Its really more of a hassle for all of us to go and wait and make sure they all behave. And of course more expensive. I had laid a blanket on the living room floor and had a movie ready to go. We had a diner picnic on the floor and watched Ratatouille. I have been trying to get the kids to watch as many disney movies as we can before our big trip thius summer. My husband ate leftovers as he doesn't feel the crave as the rest of us do for white castle. It was just a really good time. A really great day. A little bit of everything that worked out perfectly. Can't wait till next year.
I did not get any extra sleep as I might have hoped. Jake came into bed with me around 7-7:30am. My husband jumped right up. If only he'd do that more than once a year. :) I think he took jake to the potty and then went downstairs. Jake wanted me to lie in his bed for awhile and we did. It was nice. He eventually went downstairs with daddy. I actually got into Emilys bed. A few days before she had said she wanted to make me breakfast. I told her I wanted her to make sure daddy got me breakfast from Friendlys. I knew she needed breakfast first so i crawled into bed with her to wake her.
She was very happy and we cuddled for awhile. Until my stomach started growling. I told her to go down and have daddy make her breafast so then they could go get mine. My husband learned on our honeymoon I need food in the morning or I get very grouchy. We were going out to breakfast at disney world. I was up and ready early. He took a little longer. Then when we got there we had to wait and i was pissed cause i was starving by then. Needless to say emily ate quick and I had my breakfast in bed around 9.
When Emily went downstairs I got back into bed in my room. I think that is what made the day so great. I finally had my own bed in my own room to veg out in and everyone could come and cater to me there. Loved it. Of course it is shared with my husband but three years of the living room being our bedroom I still wake up happy and love spending a day vegging in my bed. I couldn't go back to sleep now but I got to catch up on all my dvr'd shows. My Friendlys breakfast was set up nicely on a tray. The kids only stole a few bits of bacon. They came in and out and it was just really nice and relaxing. I wanted to have them clean up some of the yard for me so when my husband got in to snuggle with me I reminded him about it and how we were suposed to get to my mothers later.
He got them outside and working. I had cut down a bunch of branches before any work had even started on the house and they were cleaning them out and tying them up for the town to finally take. I got up and helped some. Usually goes faster that way anyway. Also had my book and read for awhile while they finished. It was so gorgeous. Could not have asked for a better day.
Then we all got quickly cleaned up and ready to go to my mothers. We were there about 3 hours. Not too bad. Think my husband enjoyed what she had cooked. I was barely hungry from my big breakfast. The kids had fun as grandmas yard is like a playground.
We left and I was dropped of at home for some peace and quiet as my husband brought the kids over to his moms. he also took them bowling after and i toyed with the idea of going to but eventually did not. Just vegged in my room and outside some more. To nice to not spend more of the day outside. I actually exercised some. Guess I'm to the point where it makes me feel good to do it so I do.
They brought home dinner from white castle. I think it is a big waste to try to go out on mothers day. Its really more of a hassle for all of us to go and wait and make sure they all behave. And of course more expensive. I had laid a blanket on the living room floor and had a movie ready to go. We had a diner picnic on the floor and watched Ratatouille. I have been trying to get the kids to watch as many disney movies as we can before our big trip thius summer. My husband ate leftovers as he doesn't feel the crave as the rest of us do for white castle. It was just a really good time. A really great day. A little bit of everything that worked out perfectly. Can't wait till next year.
Friday, May 8, 2009
the reader
ok so the movie was pretty good thats not what this is about. Actually it was much better than i expected. See it when you get the chance.
I've always loved books. Whether i could read them or not, just something about them to me was great. Guess it makes sense i work in a library now. It'd be nice to stay home with the kids, or even work somewhere else to make more money but if i did either of those I would surely miss being around all those books. I remember when I was a kid my parents had this big bookshelf full of all kinds of books. I took out a whole pile of them, opened them to various pages and spread them around me. I really didn't know what they were about and didn't care, just sort of picked at random and felt smart and old with them all around me. Not sure how old i even was. I remember when my mom came in and saw me she thought i was starving because appearently I had pulled out a bunch of cookbooks.
I was lucky because we lived close enough to the library that i would ride my bike or even walk there. I spent a lot of my summers every year trekking back and forth. Sometimes with a freind sometimes by myself. I still love reading and go on tears from time to time jumping from book to book and slacking on other things to read. Then I stop for awhile until one of my favorite authors puts out something new and I start a new tear. If only I had realized when i was younger i'd love working there i could be behind the librarian desk making some better money. Now i'd need time and money for school. Maybe eventually.
Recently on a tv show, movie or maybe i read it somewhere, they were talking about books and how every book is different to every person who reads it. You take yourself into the story and you get out of it something no one else will because they are not you. I knew this from my own experience with books and other people but this was the first i ever heard someone talking about it. It is so true.
Your experiences go with you when you read. you can identify better with some characters than other. some are more real some have been through what you have, some just touch you in different ways. I will never forget an argument I had with a high school boyfriend about a book i was reading. I was comparing myself to a character in a book and he just kept saying how it wasn't me. Well of course it was not but what if it was. I was like her in certain ways. I could be her. Why couldn't I be her and experience what she did? Maybe thats why I always enjoyed reading and he did not. I would be there in the story, in the character. Thats what it was about. Going to a different place, a different time, living a different life. All about the fantasy. And there are so many different stories and places to experience. So many different people to be. I think the regulars i see at my job definitely get it. Whats interesting its there are a lot more women than men. Maybe we just get it better. Maybe we just need a bigger better fantasy life. Or to escape our own lives more often than they do. It is definitely an escape. I don't need sound effects or the like in the movies like my husband enjoys, I want to picture it myself. It means more and is more enjoyable when I do it than to see someone elses take on the story. It is a special wonderful experience whether it is the most profound classic story that has been around for ages or the newest trashiest romance novel I could get my hands on. They are all worth my time reading.
I've always loved books. Whether i could read them or not, just something about them to me was great. Guess it makes sense i work in a library now. It'd be nice to stay home with the kids, or even work somewhere else to make more money but if i did either of those I would surely miss being around all those books. I remember when I was a kid my parents had this big bookshelf full of all kinds of books. I took out a whole pile of them, opened them to various pages and spread them around me. I really didn't know what they were about and didn't care, just sort of picked at random and felt smart and old with them all around me. Not sure how old i even was. I remember when my mom came in and saw me she thought i was starving because appearently I had pulled out a bunch of cookbooks.
I was lucky because we lived close enough to the library that i would ride my bike or even walk there. I spent a lot of my summers every year trekking back and forth. Sometimes with a freind sometimes by myself. I still love reading and go on tears from time to time jumping from book to book and slacking on other things to read. Then I stop for awhile until one of my favorite authors puts out something new and I start a new tear. If only I had realized when i was younger i'd love working there i could be behind the librarian desk making some better money. Now i'd need time and money for school. Maybe eventually.
Recently on a tv show, movie or maybe i read it somewhere, they were talking about books and how every book is different to every person who reads it. You take yourself into the story and you get out of it something no one else will because they are not you. I knew this from my own experience with books and other people but this was the first i ever heard someone talking about it. It is so true.
Your experiences go with you when you read. you can identify better with some characters than other. some are more real some have been through what you have, some just touch you in different ways. I will never forget an argument I had with a high school boyfriend about a book i was reading. I was comparing myself to a character in a book and he just kept saying how it wasn't me. Well of course it was not but what if it was. I was like her in certain ways. I could be her. Why couldn't I be her and experience what she did? Maybe thats why I always enjoyed reading and he did not. I would be there in the story, in the character. Thats what it was about. Going to a different place, a different time, living a different life. All about the fantasy. And there are so many different stories and places to experience. So many different people to be. I think the regulars i see at my job definitely get it. Whats interesting its there are a lot more women than men. Maybe we just get it better. Maybe we just need a bigger better fantasy life. Or to escape our own lives more often than they do. It is definitely an escape. I don't need sound effects or the like in the movies like my husband enjoys, I want to picture it myself. It means more and is more enjoyable when I do it than to see someone elses take on the story. It is a special wonderful experience whether it is the most profound classic story that has been around for ages or the newest trashiest romance novel I could get my hands on. They are all worth my time reading.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
i just want to sleep.
Since I was a kid i have been able to fall asleep anywhere and in pretty much any position. There are some great pics of me not just sleeping on the floor, in the car, or in a high chair like normal little kids. I'll be sitting up, hanging upside down off the couch, or the one i remember the best is with my head on the couch cushions, my feet on the coffee table and my ass hanging down in between. i think i was about eight. maybe thats why now I don't care if any of my cats sleep on me. I kind of like it. I'm a cuddler, my husband is not so the cats and the kids make up for it I guess.
When i'm tired, like normal people i just want sleep. Now that i have kids i definitely don't get as much as i'd like or probably need. I can't say that any of them have been good sleepers. Well, maybe andrew, and i've got some great shots of him sleeping in funny ways so he's like his mom. But since he and robert were a two for one deal i still didn't catch a break on sleep. Lets take last night. I have had a cough for a week i cannot shake. As with anything cold related it is worse at night. when i finally got settled to go to bed I could not stop hacking. I gave up and went down to take cough medicine and vicks my feet as i felt the congestion coming on too. The vicks then of course brought on even more coughing. I felt bad for my husband as i knew he was trying to sleep, has to get up early for work, and stayed up late the night before for the game. I knew i wouldn't be able to sleep just yet so I took my pillow and blanket from our bed and went downstairs. It would have been nice if he had at least asked if i was ok. Guess maybe he didn't hear me hacking as much as i thought. So it was off to the couch and i flipped around the tv stations, cleared out the dvr stuff and after about an hour finally started dozing. Not long after i hear jacobs footsteps on the stairs. Now I feel bad as he's out of sorts looking for me and I bring him back up to bed. Of course he wants me to stay so I sit a few and I'm dozing as quickly as he is. Finally.
I jump awake, go back down to get my pillow and blanket and hear him up again. I figure I may as well lie with him and sleep than fight to stay awake while he goes back to sleep and then move again. A few hours later my husband comes in jakes room to kiss me goodbye. I get up and move into my bed at about 5:45am. The big boys come in to say goodbye a little later and then jake is up. He gets in bed with me for a few. Gets up gets his blanket and pillow and lies on the floor. a few minutes later he wants to hold my hand. I reach down. Anything to get just a little more sleep. I have until eight when I need to get emily up and ready for school. Not to be. Jake keeps moving, wanting both my hands and then finally wants me to come to the potty with him. I send him off and get up shortly before eight.
Last night was not a good night at all and I am exhausted today. If i could nap, if jake and roxanne would nap together, i'd definitely join them. Don't think that will be happening. I fight with jake telling him no on a lot of things all day long. He's two this is what happens. At night i'm done I want sleep no matter how i can get it. I'd camp out on his floor, let him sleep in my bed and vice versa and everything in between if it let me get to sleep that much faster when i'm done for the day and want nothing more than sleep. I did the same with the boys and with emily. Yes i will bitch and complain about it. Especially if i wasn't sleeping in the best position and my body is paying for it the next day. If it was the easiest way for me to get a little more sleep i'm taking it. When the boys were babies and I was living with my parents i'd make and extra trip to the bathroom during the day. I could lock everyone out, lie on the floor and close my eyes and rest in peace for just a few extra minutes. no it was not comfy or ever close to ideal rest. It was what i had and what i needed and it got me through the rest of the day. If thats what i have to do and some sucky nights like last night thats what i'm going to do. Sure i could yell as jake to go back to bed and make him cry and ignore him. cause then we may just wake up everyone elkse or i'll sleep like shit anyway knowing he went to bed crying. Sure there are nights he does when i've had enough or don't feel well and rob puts him to sleep and hes crying for mommy. But i'd rather be the one who is uncomfortable at night than make my child be.
When i'm tired, like normal people i just want sleep. Now that i have kids i definitely don't get as much as i'd like or probably need. I can't say that any of them have been good sleepers. Well, maybe andrew, and i've got some great shots of him sleeping in funny ways so he's like his mom. But since he and robert were a two for one deal i still didn't catch a break on sleep. Lets take last night. I have had a cough for a week i cannot shake. As with anything cold related it is worse at night. when i finally got settled to go to bed I could not stop hacking. I gave up and went down to take cough medicine and vicks my feet as i felt the congestion coming on too. The vicks then of course brought on even more coughing. I felt bad for my husband as i knew he was trying to sleep, has to get up early for work, and stayed up late the night before for the game. I knew i wouldn't be able to sleep just yet so I took my pillow and blanket from our bed and went downstairs. It would have been nice if he had at least asked if i was ok. Guess maybe he didn't hear me hacking as much as i thought. So it was off to the couch and i flipped around the tv stations, cleared out the dvr stuff and after about an hour finally started dozing. Not long after i hear jacobs footsteps on the stairs. Now I feel bad as he's out of sorts looking for me and I bring him back up to bed. Of course he wants me to stay so I sit a few and I'm dozing as quickly as he is. Finally.
I jump awake, go back down to get my pillow and blanket and hear him up again. I figure I may as well lie with him and sleep than fight to stay awake while he goes back to sleep and then move again. A few hours later my husband comes in jakes room to kiss me goodbye. I get up and move into my bed at about 5:45am. The big boys come in to say goodbye a little later and then jake is up. He gets in bed with me for a few. Gets up gets his blanket and pillow and lies on the floor. a few minutes later he wants to hold my hand. I reach down. Anything to get just a little more sleep. I have until eight when I need to get emily up and ready for school. Not to be. Jake keeps moving, wanting both my hands and then finally wants me to come to the potty with him. I send him off and get up shortly before eight.
Last night was not a good night at all and I am exhausted today. If i could nap, if jake and roxanne would nap together, i'd definitely join them. Don't think that will be happening. I fight with jake telling him no on a lot of things all day long. He's two this is what happens. At night i'm done I want sleep no matter how i can get it. I'd camp out on his floor, let him sleep in my bed and vice versa and everything in between if it let me get to sleep that much faster when i'm done for the day and want nothing more than sleep. I did the same with the boys and with emily. Yes i will bitch and complain about it. Especially if i wasn't sleeping in the best position and my body is paying for it the next day. If it was the easiest way for me to get a little more sleep i'm taking it. When the boys were babies and I was living with my parents i'd make and extra trip to the bathroom during the day. I could lock everyone out, lie on the floor and close my eyes and rest in peace for just a few extra minutes. no it was not comfy or ever close to ideal rest. It was what i had and what i needed and it got me through the rest of the day. If thats what i have to do and some sucky nights like last night thats what i'm going to do. Sure i could yell as jake to go back to bed and make him cry and ignore him. cause then we may just wake up everyone elkse or i'll sleep like shit anyway knowing he went to bed crying. Sure there are nights he does when i've had enough or don't feel well and rob puts him to sleep and hes crying for mommy. But i'd rather be the one who is uncomfortable at night than make my child be.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
moms vs. dads
when i get up for work on sat. mornings my husband gets to stay in bed till i leave. Or even then he may not get out of bed unless i tell or ask him to help me. If the kids get up while i am trying to get ready for work i get them and deal with what they need. When he gets up in the morning to get ready for work if any of the kids get up, usually jake, i get up and deal with him. Emily will eat all her toast every morning i make it. when daddy makes it he lets it get dark and does not cut the crusts off. I am not sure how often she eats it all. I am told i baby her by making it the way she likes it. When they go to bed at night I tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. Rob stays at the computer and emily will come to him to say goodnight and then get into her bed. Jake will usually have to get yelled at to go to sleep. Or I sit with him, usually holding his hand until he falls asleep. When we are all sleeping at night if I hear anything I get up. My husband never hears anything. Maybe i need to get some ear plugs. For lunch I make sure everyone, especially the big boys eat at normal times. 12-1pm. When i'm not home if they forget to eat or aren't hungry they don't eat. I make sure everyone has food they like and eat it and everything to go with it. Most times sometimes i forget a drink or something, then i get my food. My husband can be done and gone hiding upstairs by the time i get to sit down. Of course he says its not hiding i knbow where he is. he's not in the immediate area helping hes hiding to me. If they need something anything i usually jump right up or wait till it gets soo annoying i can't take it anymore. my husband can ignore a hell of a lot longer than i can. If i've just finally sat down you'd think he might jump up first. Jake will stand in front of the door and tell me I'm not going to work and get all sad when its time for me to leave. Never have i seen him do this to my husband. I guess there's a reason it's called mommy guilt and i've never heard the phrase daddy guilt. I cannot go to emilys baseball it so happens i have to work to. I work when my husband does not. Gee, thats when baseball is. Not an issue for him. Do i take off work and not make $ for everyone so i can see her play? Theres a reason we feel like we have to do it all and can't. its life. I chose to have these kids i am responsible for them at all times. When i have to work it's my husbands job. Yet if theres something else he wants/ needs to do at the same time I feel bad the kids will be watching each other for an hour or two. He does not. Although he and I have taken off for a nice dinner by ourselves and let them watch themselves for an hour or two and I don't feel bad. Maybe it's the whole work guilt thing in general that makes some times worse than others for me?
Monday, May 4, 2009
weight
Two years ago after working my butt off I weighed the least i think i ever have in my adult life. I didn't stay there. I've put back 10-15lbs depending on the day or week. I've stayed there though for about a year. I still feel like i could get back down to where i was if i pushed myself. i think i am happy where i am weight wise and i keep hearing from people about how good i loook. and that i've done well by keeping it off. i always answer how i put back the ten or fifteen and they seem surprised. our bodies change a hell of a lot over the years though. I remember being about 140 in high school. last night weighing 145 i was at a friends wedding and saw some poeple i hadn't seen since high school. I was told how they never would have guessed it was me. and how i had lost A LOT of weight. well yes i had but that was after i got married and had a few kids that i was up to 205. not from when they remembered me. or so i thought. i know in high school i wore ususally a size nine. of course that was juniors size. although maybe it wasn't like it is now. i definoitely believe sizes have changed since i was in school. if i bought a juniors nine now it would probably fit. maybe it would be a little big. i have clothes that i currently wear with tags that say anywhere from a four to and eight. thats four different sizes! it all depends on who makes the clothes and how they fit your body. and how they run their sizes. and of course how your body is made. i've got a mommy jelly belly. it has gone down considerably but it is still there. i also have big thighs and calves. there ain't an inch of fat on my calves but there are boots out there i can never wear because they just were not made for my calves. i think i can still lose some in my thighs but there not too bad. my favorite jeans right now are a 7/8 i believe. they are loose in the waist and tight in the thigh its just how i am made. i also think you need to know how to dress your body. they are certain things some people should not wear. most people don't think that way. i have a chest and alway always always must wear a bra. i got this great dress for the wedding last night, with a cut out back. of course i forgot when i ordered it how i'd have to figure out how to get a bra under there. i wound up making one from others that i have. they sell this bras that are supposed to go under anything but you never know if they'll fit right and they run from like $50-90. i paid thirty for the dress. i refused to pay more for the bra. my mom saw me in the dress and said how i would've made a comment about her when she wore something like that years before. well mostly then i felt she was my mom and prbably shouldn't be wearing something like that. but what i didn't say then and have no problem telling her now is how she would have worn it w/o the bra. yes she had less than i did even then. not anymore. but no matter what as you get older the girls need to be held up no matter what size you are. she didn't belivee that. my older sisietr thinks the same too. and its pretty gross. esp. when we see here for the kids birthdays and shes got on a tank and nothing else. you can see that! a girlfriends daughter recently asked her mom why she wasn't wearing one. guess it was at least a good learning experience for her daughter. but i have gotten off weight quite a bit now haven't i? I guess what it comes down to is i think my body is comfy at this weight. I am comfy at this weight. I also can still indulge myself more than if i was trying to stick to my low of 129. and hearing compliments from people even tho i feel i weigh more than i could feels good. it also reinforces the thinking that i really don't have to get back to 129. though it did feel damn good
Sunday, May 3, 2009
then i get sick
was told it's hard to read with the black and white so i'm trying larger and hope it helps :) maybe i have allergies now. who knows. i'm getting older and they can develop. I love sprng but i always seem to get sick. especially when we have eighty dergree days and then fifity degree days. just too much for me. I always get a cough tho. i do not get itchy or watery eyes like i thought were involved with allergies. I know i get completely stuffed up and can't stand it. But I really hate it when I get up in the morning and cannot swallow. Started last week and went away enough for me to get to the dentist for the first time in ages. The next day its back. If i don't have something to drink next to my bed I'm hurting till i make it down the stairs. I have taken allergy medicine for the congestion from time to time but mostly its aspirin and sudafed. and lots and lots of it. Had to stop at my dads for some mint hard candies to suck on to get through the day at work yesterday. Oh and vicks at night when it gets that bad. But if you've gotten that crazy email like i have that says about putting the vicks on your feet and then putting yur socks on and going to bed. the shit works i swear. I wanted to bang my head against the wall to feel better i was so congested. vicks on the feet i swear it worked. sure i still had a runny nose but i wasn't in pain. now i've not been deathly sick or anything just the annoying shitty kind where you can still function pretty well and go to work and do all the other crap you have to your just dragging ass doing it. Then of course the kids get it some and i get no sleep cause they are up a few times a night and then I am up seperate times from when they are up cause i feel like shit myself. My husband never hears a thing. i ask all the time did you hear him when jake is up 3 times a night. no he always says no. gee, wish i could sleep like that for a few nights in a row than maybe i wouldn't have these crappy black circles under my eyes for the wedding i have to go to tonight. And of course every other day. I know they're really bad when i get up and my eyes hurt. I'm not tired enough to sleep but it just feels much better to keep my eyes closed. I've done the cucumber thing and it'll help, or at least feel really good while they're on my eyes. When i remove them its not any better. Heard about using potatoes may have to try that. i guess the best thing about being woken up so damn early all the time is if I give in and get my butt right up like this morning, when i had to cause jake peed in the bed, i get my blogging in nice and early. was thinking of giving it up but maybe i'll try again to keepn it going. see how wishy washy i am with all of this
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
martha sucks, not for the boys
No, I don't mean Martha that stupid dog from the kids show. Thanks to my girlfriend Stacey I'm talking about a womans monthly friend. My period. Yup I went there. Hey why nbot. The past week has sucked. I have been in so much pain and in a bitching mood so here i go again. Ok so for whatever reason in high school we wouldn't say period. Or friend or any of that other old lady shit so Stacey came up with Martha. Sort of appropriate as who knows anyone named Martha anymore anyway and it is an annoying old ladys name. So martha its been. My husband knows this too. Some of my friend now too. I've kept it alive. Though I have recently reconnected with Stacey. It's been sixteen years since high school. I haven't asked her about martha lately. While I agree womens bodies are much pretty and better to look at than guys they also really suck. They change way too much. And we don't have control much of the time. Sure we're usually the ones in control of the birth control but that just messes with our bodies even more. I never had cramps when I first got my period. Actually never had them until after My twins were born. Maybe I never noticed cause I have a high tolerance for pain. No matter I never understood when I was younger why my older sister needed to stay home from school because of it all the time. Like she was dying or something. I was like oh please suck it up and get your butt to school you wuss! After the twins I got my own fun filled cramps. They'd hang around for a few days and be annoying. I took what i needed, which wasn't much then and lived with it like we all have to. After my daughter was born came the fun of birth control. I got the patch. Annoying and kind of gross after it was on for a few days but it did its job. In case you have no clue you stick the sucker on like a band aid. I'd switch sides of my hip above my backside. And leave it for a week. three weeks, one week off and thats when you'd get your period. Unfortunately thats when I'd also get migraines. Thse suckers were horrible. They'd last a few days with the middle day the worst. Sometimes I'd make it through suck it up and go to work other times I'd close myself in a room in complete darkness with a pillow over my head and try to sleep it away. Never worked. neither did any kind of aspirin or tylenol. It was a necessary evil as far as i was concerned. no babies and cramps that I took three extra strength tylenols for every three hours and a sucky headache. The fun of a womans body. Then came jacob. After I was not allowed back on the patch they recalled it or just weren't prescribing it because of blot clot risk. Well hello all birth control has this. again necessary evil. What shit to be able to enjoy sex right? Anyway The Dr. gives me the next new thing in birth control the ring. Not too sure I'm going to like this. Talk to my grlfriend about it she's on it seems to love it. Ok fine I give it a whirl. This one goes in like a tampon for three weeks and out for the last. The first month i noticed I was having a lot of problems with my contacts. Next month not so much the contacts i realize as my eyes are going blurry more often and they just aren't right. Go to the doctor tell him about the problem. Gee, must be the ring. Now they can't give me anything else but a pill cause they are worried about side effects. The headache never mattered tho. funny. So I get this low dose one that is also supposed to only give me my period for four days. I'm good with that lets see how this works. Been on this sucker for a few years now. I never ever get my period on the four days i'm supposed to. Not once has this happened. Usually it comes right before and then it hangs around longer because i'm taking the fake pills without the hormone in it. I do only get my period every other month. Dr. says as long as its less its fine. So i guess instead of four days eachj month eight days every other month evens it out anyway right? I get headaches with it only slightly now. Every once in awhile a good ole migraine comes along. Once your get em you always do. Thanks birth control! And i'll get cramps every month. Just not all the fun the comes along. When my period does show up they are much worse than ever and do not respond to my tylenol cocktail. Think i may be looking for a new drug soon. And I cannot control myself with the cravings. If you've been reading me you know already. Chocolate salt cheese. gotta have em. But they are really incredible. I don't know how to ignore them. I have more candy in this house than ever before because of them. More hidden casue I can becaue i have more hiding spots. But I will just go out and buy that bag of chocolate now. Before i wouldn't give in now i have to. Have To! It just sucks. pretty much all of it. can't wait to see what happens after if we do have a number five. How lovely to be a woman like me!
Monday, April 20, 2009
bitching
So a month ago I found this conest online for free scholarships for moms and dads too. Thought what the hell as theres no way I'm ever getting any degree unless its online and free. Cause I have no time to drive myself to school with four kids and no money for much of anything for myself either. Anyway, I fill out the application. Even had to call my husband to figure out what kind of degree thing I should even go for. This is how out of school I am. When it came to writing the essay part I stopped and saved for later. I had plenty of time. Till april 30th to finish. I started a draft that day when I had a chance here and there. put it away and haven't even looked at it since. Today, now that I have the house back to myself cause eevryone is finally done with their spring breaks I told myself i'm going to do it and get it done finally! I set jake up downstairs with the big living room tv and come up to my bedroom to hide out and get it done. About an hour later and countless, "give me five minutes" to Jake. Not to mention the times i had to get up for something he wanted. I finish. So I hit the submit application button and it brings me back to the first page of the application. Countless obsentities later I hit the back button hoping somehow my essay is still there. Thank God it is. I hit submit again. Again first page of application. I do this a good ten times as i'm really pissed off. I was very proud of myself for finishing. I needed to get up and get to other things around the house today. I was damn proud of my essay. If i could have printed it and tried again later i would have. NOoooo this was in one of theose tiny scroll boxes i can't print. Or if there was a way to print i don't know how. so maybe thats a sign i shouldn't be going to school online anway. I give up I have plenty of other shit to do. I save the screen though. Just flip down the little window hoping maybe later it'll work. I was happy i'd actually applied and wouldn't it be something if i actually won. being my Suffolk application essay a million years ago got me into honors classes. Hey you never know. Then I tried to print three pictures here for my lovely hubbys new computer. After a half an hour I finally find where he put the pics. another half hour and I'm still trying to figure out how to print three small pics on one damn sheet pof photo paper. Before I put my fist through the screen i give up. I'll make my husband do it for me. Maybe i'll let him teach me, later. I go back downstairs to do wash, feed jake lunch, play with jake, feed myself lunch, deep clean the gross, after only three months, beige living room carpet and here I am again. Of course I had to try my application once more before I could blog. Oh yeah yet another reason I was pissed. I wasted my time on this essay instead of getting to blog and then it doesn't work. Insert even more expletives! So I bring up the pretty screen with my carefully thought out and gone through five hundred times essay. Press submit. First screen of the application. Fucking shit!!! At this point I've given up thinking it'll ever work. So no school for me. Fine. I have enough shit to do anyway. I roll the sucky mouse my husband has up here on his computer that i hate around the scree. I watch as the submit button color changes from red to blue every time I roll over it. Why the hell won't you work is coursing through my brain. Click. I hit it again once more for good measure. The screen goes black. Half of it comes back with a Thank you for you application Now if you want more information to help you on your way back to school...... I"m shocked and quite surprised. I need to check my email to make sure theres a confirmation or something and that it was real but I cretainly hope so now that i feel better and that I actually may have accomplished more today than just house work. Of course I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
easter
I think I'm like my dad when it comes to holidays. I'd rather be home doing nothing. Or at least enjoying it with my husband and kids. Running around to all the grandparents is tiring. Of course thats what we did this year. Except of course to my dads. Since I'd rather be home and feel like I have to go I don't really think about being the good guest and bringing anything along. At least I didn't bring anything to my moms. She usually has waaaaay too much food anyway. Well we actually got there first for probably the first holiday ever. When my older sister arrived she had made my mother an Easter basket of her own with all kinds of crazy things inside, not your standadr candy. Being that my mother always has candy out all over her house and my kids come home covered in it whenever they visit this was no surprise. So my younger sister shows up and she has a big huge basket of tulips. guess I'm the bad daughter. But yet that's what I heard her describe me as to friends on the phone when i was growing up so why should i change? Besides the goodies for my mother each of my sisters gave a little something to each of my kids. Even for the big boys who weren't there as it was their dads year to have easter. One gave a goodie bag filled with some m and m's and other opened candies. The other gave three small boxes of cadfies tied together with a bow. I didn't give anything to their kids. Now As I was the first to have kids and they were the only kids around for quit some time this has gone on for years. I never really thought much of it until now. They get so much crap just for Easter it's a little crazy. I made sure to tell my one sister she really didn't have to do it anymore. I'm sure she likes to but it's just so much. I told her next year she can give us money. She says what did i spend $2-3 a kid. So i said times four it's ten dollars and I joked how i'd take the cash instead next year. Anyway, it's been a week and my dining room table is still covered with baskets and bags full of easter candy. Soon the ladies at my job will be getting to eat it up as i can't take it here anymore. So I guess i'm the bad aunt too. At least for this year. Don't think I'll change my habit but maybe I'll get my sisters to change theirs. As for something for my mother..... I guess I can always have my kids make her something. :) We also went to my in-laws this year. I did bring deviled eggs there. That was more for me to get rid of them than a good guest gesture but who needs to know? I boiled 72 eggs this year. Coloring eggs is the highlight so my kids each get a box of 18. I'm pretty sure my mother made an insane amount of eggs for us too. So i've carried on that tradition. I have no idea who brought what to my in-laws as we got there later. There were no goodies for the kiddies except from the grandparents which is what i expected. The best thing about running around on the holiday is the food. I don't have to cook anything but I get to eat plenty. I usually get to take home leftovers too. When we hit both like this year my husband and I get to enjoy whatever foods we like best. Me, my mothers. Him, his mothers. As i figure is only natural. The kids just eat a lot of crap usually and none of the good for you, sort of, food. So maybe going out isn't so bad. If i got to stay home I'd probably have to at least tell them, "we're staying home but you can come over if you want." Then I'd be stuck having to figure out food and what to make and all that junk. My husband wants to do thanksgiving this year. Now that we have room we can do holidays. I like to watch the parade and then we can go eat wherever. I told him he can have fun doing the cooking. We'll see how that goes.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
slacking
Was thinking once I finally got back here that I wasn't slacking all that much if it had only been two days since my last post. Somehow I lost a few days and I had the dates messed up and it's been four. And this is what i do. I"ll be all into a project, writing project that is, and then I just let it fall by the wayside. I started this to keep me writing and was really enjoying it. I think then it almost felt like work. Like uh oh what the hell am i supposed to write about now. A few days after i started posting I say this book at the library called something like what i ate for lunch, better ideas for your blog. I thought please i have so much to write about i won't I think felt I needed to have some thing, or issue to go off on. Really I don't. This is for me. Was started for me. I started telling more and more people about it and then I got worried about what people might think. well screw that. if you read me you know and love me. at least at this pount as not everyone one i know even knows this blog exsists. Unless you few people start sending me out to your friedns and people you know. Well then what do I care anyway as I probably don't know those people anyway. :) So I'm back and I will hopefully be back every day so Wendi can keep reading me with her morning coffee. Brought my laptop here with me to work to actually get in a few posts today since no one i break with or lunch with would be with me i figured there would be plenty of opportunity. Moning break I get my Pumpernickel bread and hot chocolate to go sit outside with. I've been hearing all moring how nice it is. well I forgot the laptop and was too lazy to go back around to the desk and get it. Before lunch miss Mary calls and wants me to come by for lunch. She lost her dad recently and no one has been able to get her on the phone for awhile. Of course I am going to visit her. Laptop stayed here in the library. Finally here I am afternoon break and it is finally gorgeous outside. Was not even close to this for morning break. Loving the sun. Having a tough time seeing the screen but thats ok. Should have brought my sunglasses out. :) Not about to go get them either. I think it's good Mark came in and let me know he's be reading shortly before my break was to come. Normally he's not in till after break. Maybe that was meant to be so i'd get my ass back to my blog! This is where I like to be though enjoying the gorgeous weather and writing. Things I have always loved. If only it will stay this nice for tomorrow. I'll finally be getting a day with the hubby. It has been quite awhile since we've gotten out on out own. We're going to the Hard Rock at Yankee Stadium for lunch, and then of course the game. That is the plan so far anyway. He wanted to leave earliere cause he wants to get more tickets for more games. Fine he has his bomber bucks to use and i believe they are only good for this season but he can get his tickets any other time. He's got quality time to spend with his wife. I know there won't be much conversation during the game so the before time is mine! At least thats how i see it. Especially since we're going to his "new home." But whatever. Sort of like when we went to the exhibition game it was all about him. I didn't exsist. I didn't get married at the old place and wouldn't miss it much. Anyway it seems most years, and my husband should probably be able to check his stats for you to prove me right or wrong, my first game of the season is usually one of the shittiest days for a game. Cold, overcast, rainy, whatever. At leats this is how i remember them. I would like one more day of the gorgeous weather. I've worked full days these first finally nice spring days. My little enjoyment has been breaks outside on our locked in patio. And lunch yesterday at my dads where i laid out on the deck a good 25 minutes feeling the heat of the sun on my skin, loving the sound of the neighbors waterfall. Can't I get a full day to enjoy the good weather? Sprong is the best though. Nothing beats watching the green of the flowers starting to pop out of the ground. Love that I finally have some flowers of my own growing in the yard and they didn't get destroyed by the guys working on the house.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
chocolate
I do not think men get cravings anything close to what women get. I think as I am getting older I cannot control them as much. Or maybe I just have more than before. A womans body changes a lot in the course of a lifetime. Growing up. After each child. These i've been through these I can talk about. Before I even had Jake I had my own Garfield cookie jar with my private stash of chocolate candy for when I needed it. My husband had the guys over for cards once while I was at work. He said someone was diabetic and needed something sweet. Fine no big thing right. Well my husband took everything out of my stash and let the guys and the kids who were home eat it all. Needless to say I was quite pissed. I won't go out and just buy myself a bag of candy. I had added to the stash after every holiday. I took the best from the kiddies goodies (since they always have way too much anyway) every halloween, christmas, easter, whatever. My favorites and added them to my stash. Needless to say there was quite a lot of yelling going on as I was pissed when I discovered my husband had just given away my stash. This was a few years ago and my husband knows to keep his hands off my stash. He will sneak a piece from time to time and make fun but he knows better than to decimate it. About a month ago the family was watching Bolt. I just kept thinking about chocolate and how I had a box of brownie mix in the cabinet. MMM wouldn't they be good. I got up made the brownies and ate three that night before bed. The next day I probably had two throughout the day. The kids came home and had some and by the time my husband arrived there were about four left. I had been outside with the kids. when I came back in I noticed the pan in the sink. My husbands hands full of what was left of the brownies. I was like Hello your not even going to save me one? Really? he asked. What nerve! i'm thinking. Yes. i say. ok here, he gave me one and I hid it in my new candy stash jar. Funny thing is i didn't eat it for another couple of days when i remembered it was there. My husband will tell you how I was very possessive of him when we were dating. Not so much anymore he says. I am very possessive over my food. Maybe even more so now that I've lost weight and I'm only letting myself eat so much of the sweet treats. When i can control myself that is. I like food waaaaay too much. I have learned I am a horder too. I have my own box of cocoa pebbles hidden so when my friend is visiting and I want chocolate first thing in the morning I know where to find it. Since i've been a kid I always had food hidden in my bedroom. It's been a long time since I had a real bedroom but now I have a pretty nightstand beside my bed. In it, my box of girl scout thin mints. Again MY box. I really don't know what it is about chocolate I just have to have it. Even more now after I have anything with sauce I crave a little piece afterwards. I also crave cheesy stuff. I can eat anything with goey cheese in it three times a day for a week when i want it. Salt is another one too. Not as much as the chocolate or cheese. But potato chips, tortilla chips, popcorn, that great basket of chips you get at El Dorado yummy. I will not even get started on fast food because that is another whole post itself. The weirdest thing is there are certain chocolates that I will devour. Others only if theres nothing better around. So yes I have my favorites. And if there really is nothing around I always have chocolate syrup and nesquik in the house for chocolate milk. And making a glass where you can barely taste the milk will get me through.
Monday, April 13, 2009
for jen
two days late but here we go. :) I've heard from different people with kids that it's a whole other world going from one to two. I had twins the first time around so I really can't say I know for sure. I know with two the same age doing the same things there's a lot from the beginning that I do not remember. Eight years later I had my daughter. The boys were old enough to be able to help and were at school all day. A little while each day she was the only child. That was easy. A few years later Jacob came along. Emily turned four a month after his arrival. When I was pregnant she was old enough to know how to play video games from her big brothers. And watched plenty of kiddie tv. This made it possible for me to nap during the afternoons. Which was a wonderful blessing as all pregos know. After Jacobs arrival Emily liked to help with him. She was a proud big sister. I think that helps a lot. You need to include the older kids in with the new ones. They won't feel as jealous and they can be a big help. They can run and throw the stinky diapers away. They can get you a clean one. They need their one on one time too which isn't always easy. I think kids like having other kids around and only children miss out on some great stuff. Every family fights especially siblings. And they shouldn't always have to get along. They need their own space and their own things. There should definitely be some toys that do not get passed along unless the older child wants to. This also gives the older sibling a chance to play with all their baby toys again and they love it. Emily likes watching all the little kiddie shows with Jacob. And I have caught Andrew watching Blues Clues which he grew up on. Which one of us doesn't secretly or openly enjoying watching our shows like Sesame Street with them? Emily will put shows on for Jake. Yet I have heard her on the phone telling a friend she was stuck watching Max and Ruby because her baby brother was watching it. This is one of her favorites. But I guess even in first grade Max and Ruby is not cool. More kids mean more craziness. I think the biggest difference from one to two is now your stuck choosing which direction to go when they head in opposite directions. And they definitely will. Sure it'll get a little crazier but thats just part of the fun. Why would I even consider going for five if the chaos wasn't a great time. Seeing them interact with one another and help each other is one of the best gifts they can give you. And you will love every minute of it. Maybe not right away when its happening like when their smashing chocolate easter candy into the rug but later, sometimes much later, you will always remember it and smile.
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