Puzzles

     In Junior High when I really began decorating my room like crazy I covered every inch of wall and then ceiling space. One poster I bought was a huge wordsearch puzzle. I remember it hanging on the wall next to my bed so I could work on it. I circled each word with a different color. When I finished I hung it up on the ceiling. It stayed there for many years. Probably all through high school.
    My dad used to bring home the Daily News newspaper from work sometimes. I loved doing the wordsearch they printed because beyond finding the words there was another word you had to find made up of all the letters that were not circled. I did every one, every time he brought the paper home.
   Senior year of high school I wound up with first period free. I didn't have a car so I wound up sitting in the library every morning with three friends who were in the same boat I was. Sometimes we'd do homework. Usually we did the Jumble puzzle in the newspaper. We would race to see who could figure out the word first. I think we ran about even. It was always a lot of fun and obviously something I won't soon forget being I've been out of high school for, well lets just say, over 15 years.
     Slow times at my former job we spent doing the crossword puzzle in the back of the People magazine. A few years ago me and a few other girls copied every one from 2 years worth of magazines and made sure we completed them all. We kept them all together in order and made sure we had all the answers correct. I believe the pile of pages was still hanging around the desk somewhere before I no longer worked there. No clue if it's there now or if anyone realizes where and what it is.
     Sodoku became a big new puzzle sensation a few years ago. I of course jumped on and still do them when I get the chance. I like how Newsday prints progressively harder ones as the week goes on. I'm always proud of myself when I can finish without any erasures on my game box. I was doing one at work one day when a patron came up and told me there was a secret to doing them. I knew what it was but didn't think it was a secret. Emily will sometimes try to do the kids one they print on Sundays. I love seeing her enjoying the puzzle.
     My mother used to do the crossword puzzle in the newspaper every day. I had tried a few times to do regular crosswords over the years but just could never get them. Or at least finish them. The People Magazine ones weren't quite as hard as they had to do with tv, movies, and pop culture and I'm good with those. The other day I was having a tough time with the Sodoku and my eyes wandered to the crossword. As I scanned it I realized I knew quite a few of the answers. I started to do that puzzle instead. It didn't take me all that long and I finished the whole thing. I was quite proud of myself. It's certainly no New York Times puzzle but I finished it. My first real crossword. It at least gave me a boost for the day as I was having a down one. I tried again the next day thinking it was a fluke maybe, and sure enough finished that one too! The third one I tried I wasn't as lucky with. Guess you can't win them all. But I'll keep at them for sure now I know it is possible for me to finish.
     I really enjoy looking for clues and finding the answers. I loved figuring out what book or movie someone was searching for just by the few pieces of information they gave me. Sure I knew how to use the computer to cheat if I didn't know it straight off but that was part of the fun of the search. I really do miss that. I was damn good at it too because whenever a question was asked if it wasn't posed directly to me they always came to me first for an answer if they didn't know it themselves. Sucks I need a lot of schooling and cash to become a librarian already. In the meantime I have my puzzles. I have quite a few books with tv crosswords and sodokus and word searchs, even fill-it-ins. They kept me busy in the car at times on our big trip, too. It just feels really good to find the answer or finish the puzzle. It's a great little ego boost I enjoy giving myself. One of those little things.
   

Missouri

     Day three of our big summer vacation we drove from Louisville, Kentucky to St. Louis, Missouri. Our first stop of the day, the Gateway Arch. We had some fun finding where to park and be close enough to it as the road the gps sent us to had been washed out from flooding. Once at the Arch you could see how really bad it was as they had boat and helicopter tours set up but not running as they were also in the overflowing area of the Mississippi. There was a huge line waiting to get in on the closer leg of the Arch, so we walked over to the other leg and had hardly any wait at all. We bought out tickets from our tram up and looked around the museum they have housed underneath. Great way to kill time while waiting for your tram time to go up.

     The tram itself was a weird egg shaped contraption that amazingly fit all six of us in. The ride was surreal as you feel yourself moving up at an angle following the shape of the arch. No standard elevator in here. Once at the top you can stay and view as long as you like. No matter which side tram you took up you can take either down. The view was of course amazing. The kids loved it. We took tons and tons of pictures from all sides. Unless standing directly in the middle of the Arch you needed to have some good balance  going on because you are in an arch. Very different. Very cool.

Emily, Ethan, and the Frog!

     After the Arch we stopped at Ponderosa for lunch. We used to have the chain here on Long Island and I loved it so I was excited. It still is pretty much the same with the salad bar on steriods with so many other good things to eat besides salad. Emily loved it and had we found another on the trip we definitely would have gone again. Unfortunately we did not. The good news is I believe there is one by our timeshare in Florida so we will visit that one come this summer.

     We checked into our hotel after lunch. We digested, relaxed and then got changed and headed off to our first Six Flags park of the trip. Six Flags Over St. Louis. It's probably about half the size of our Great Adventure park but had a lot of different things. The favorite for Jacob being the train that went around the whole park. Emily was happy with antique cars she could actually drive. Jacob passed for 42" and made it on a roller coaster and the swinger. He loved them both. I made it over to The Boss, a wooden roller coaster with the boys and we got off just in time for the massive down pour. And it wasn't a quick one. Our night was cut short and we were completely soaked along with a few thousand other people. Back off to the hotel. At least we knew we had a full day in the park tomorrow.
     That night was fun for me as I wanted to get our clothes dried and packed away. There was a washer and dryer at the hotel but after waiting to use them the dryer was no longer working. I asked and they were able to dry my stuff in their commercial dryer. It was great because it only took about and hour for 2 loads to dry. I did have to stay up making sure I got my stuff back. I hung in the lobby/breakfast area reading and waiting while everyone else was sleeping. Another guest came down while I was there and offered up his leftover White Castle he had bought for him and his son who had never had it. They had way too much and didn't want to waste it. The night clerk and I got an extra free meal. It was yummy too and perfect because my husband doesn't like it, so I knew we wouldn't be having it at all on the trip anyway. There was so much I even brought a few hamburgers back for the big boys who had them for breakfast in the morning.

     Day 4 was for Six Flags St. Louis. We dressed for the water park and headed straight there as soon as it opened. Everyone always loves the wave pool and it's nice because we can all be together there. This one was the grossest I had seen but we were in it anyway. Lots of leaves and dirt and then who could forget the frog! Yup, a frog swimming there in the pool with us! I asked the lifeguard about it she just shrugged her shoulders and turned around. Guess frogs in their pools are a normal occurance. Then a boy named Ethan came over, caught the frog and set him free outside of the pool. A few hours at the water park and we were done. Every water park is pretty much the same, some body slides, some tube rides, a kiddie area and a wave pool. It was hot so we did enjoy it but we wanted to get to the rest of the park.

     We drove through Steak 'N Shake for lunch on our way to our hotel to change and get ready for the regular park. With it's name we had to try the shakes and they were awesome. Another yummy new place we'd have to have again sometime. Rob left his credit card at the window and had to make a trip back while the rest of us ate and got ready to head out again. Thankfully they had it right there and it didn't cause any problems.

     The rest of the evening was spent riding the rides at the park. One of the favorite coasters was the Evil Knievel. Another wooden coaster we almost missed because we wanted to see the "Glow in the park Parade." Rob and I both thought it was really good and Andrew said it was his favorite too. The parade was fun and really neat as they turn out all the lights and the performers and floats are lit up. My kids are all about the coasters but I love the thrill rides. This park had one of the best called Xcaliber. Robert and I rode it twice. You spin around in your car while the whole ride rotates up and around 113ft in the air. An awesome ride. All in all a good time for everyone in Missouri. And a really fun park for us all. The next day we would make our way up parts of the original Route 66 on our way the Chicago!

Computer TV

     I've posted how I love my TV, which is why we have 6 in this house. The other day we were without it for over 24 hours as there was a problem with our satellite dish. One day is certainly not a problem. There's this thing called a dvd player and of course the wii to keep the screen glowing brightly for us throughout the day. And many other things of course like board games and books but you know what comes first and easiet always. My biggest problem was the new shows that would be on that night that I would not be able to see.
    Earleir in the day as I played around with all the tv's to try to fix the problem or assess how bad it really was I found the kids tv's were getting channel 2. At least until I reset them and then they got nothing. Once I realized that was happening I made sure to leave Roberts alone. Channel 2 was better than nothing I reasoned. I realized later the CSI was on ch 2 and I'd at least be able to watch that in Roberts room at 9pm and not have to miss it. By 9pm though ch 2 was out on his tv also. I was not a happy camper.
     CSI and Bones are two of my favorite shows. I used to have Cold Case and Without a Trace but they were cancelled. being they are all of the same sort of genre I'm obsessing over the ones I have left more and more. Of course they are both on Thursdays. The day of course I was without tv. Lucky me.
     That is until I remembered how many tv shows are available to watch on the computer now. I am so not a fan of watching tv this way but when push came to shove, guess who was gladly watching her 2 missed shows from Thursday night on her computer Saturday morning? Sure sitting here at my desk watching a 45 minute show is not as nice and comfy as doing it settled into my well worn couch. And of course there's no fast forwarding through those coputer commercials! Beggars can't be choosers though. I got in my CSI and Bones and was very happy both channels post the full episodes on their websites.
     I do not regularly go to tv channels websites. They're tv channels. To be watched on tv. What do I care about their website? Same goes with Newsday. It's a newspaper. I want to read and feel the actual paper and see the printed word in front of my face. I don't give a crap about your website when  I've got your paper in my hand. There is a great ad I've seen in a few magazines recently stating some of the same of what I said. Take your time sit back and enjoy the printed word, it's not going anywhere. The battery won't die, the internet connection won't fail, just turn the page and continue. It's an awesome ad.
     Yes I will consistantly complain about technology. Especially when it's not working the way it's supposed to or, the way I want or think it should. Truth is, I was so very happy for the technology of having my tv on the computer. I'm very glad for that. I do not want my tv to go away though. Same with my newspaper, magazine or book for that matter. The internet is a wonderful thing. It allows me to spew anything I want and have all you lovely people read about it. But I don't want it taking away or replacing anything I hold dear. Too bad I have no control over that.  

Toast

     Emily has toast for breakfast practically every morning. Yes, she loves waffles and was very excited on our big trip whenever the hotel we were staying in had a waffle maker for waffles with their free breakfast. When we came back I bought frozen ones and she would have one for breakfast every couple of days. Robert and my husband helped finish off the boxes when I bought them. Emily always went back to her toast. I can't say I blame her either as I love my toast for breakfast every morning also. I'm very particular about my bread and butter for my toast though. It has to be real butter and my favorite bread comes from BJ's Wholesale Club. So, on our big trip I wasn't as excited for breakfast as they usually didn't have real butter and the bread was never right.
     I've been having toast for breakfast in the mornings since probably before I was Emilys age. I'm a morning person and always have been. I used to get up with my dad a lot of mornings before he went to work at 5am. We of course would be the only ones up. He would make my toast for breakfast. I loved when he cut it into squares instead of plain old triangles. I would squeeze the pieces together and suck off the butter and than eat the rest. He showed me how at certain times of the year the sun came in through the side door and we could make hand puppets on the half wall of the kitchen.
     Emily is not a morning person. She doesn't like her toast cut up at all. She does prefer I cut off the crusts. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. When I don't, sometimes she eats it, sometimes she rips it off herself. She checks the bottoms of her toast before she eats it. The lighter the better for her. So really she likes it barely toasted. We don't have that early time to ourselves like me and my dad had but we have our toast. Usually most mornings I've already had mine before she even gets up. She eats hers watching TV or playing wii with her brother, waking up before getting ready to go to school.
     I gave in and stopped eating two pieces of white toast with butter on it every morning a few years ago when I lost some weight. I could not give up my white bread or toast completely though. Some days I try not to have it and I don't. That next morning though I'm having it. I do only have one piece and try not to use as much butter now, but I still have it! I don't think I'll ever stop eating it no matter how many times I hear how bad white bread is. It's my thing and I love it. Sure I'll make concessions and cut down but I won't stop. And as long as Emily likes having her toast every morning she'll be eating it too. Sooner or later I'll be having her make it herself but I wonder if she'll think about her mommy made toast breakfasts when she's as old as I am?

Timing

     There really is no such thing as perfect timing. Sure there's good timing and you can certainly get lucky with your timing. Like when we made the 11:16am train on Thanksgiving to get back home before the parade ended. It wasn't very crowded at all and we didn't have to worry about not having seats. We know if we want to get out for dinner on a Friday or Saturday night if you're not there by 5:30pm you're waiting for a table, unless you get lucky. There are plenty of things in life that happen because of timing. Good or bad. It's all what you make of it.
     In high school I liked this guy but never said anything or did anything about it. We were friends and that was that. I was afraid to do anything. A year after high school while he was home from college, we had a chance to get together. I found out he had felt the same way. And, of course did the same thing, nothing. Well, I was staying and he was going back to school but hey, you never knew right. Things were finally out in the open. The timing was still wrong. Turns out there was a girl and other crap going on for him at school. I learned about it all, again, a few years later. Which was why we never did talk much more than a few times once he left. Just not meant to be, timing or not.
     My husband, also out of high school, had applied for two jobs. One he really wanted, the other he just applied for because he was there with his sister. The latter called to offer him the job. He took it as he had not heard from the former and figured he would not. As he tells it, not five minutes later the other place did call to offer him the job. He could have taken it and called the other back. He did not. Because he did not we met. He wound up working with a group of people and then became friends with one of their friends who was friends with me. We met when a group got together for this friends birthday. He was there as was I and the rest is our history. Timing? You tell me.
     There is a really bad movie called Sliding Doors. It seemed to be about timing. It's two versions of the same story. One she makes the train and gets in those sliding doors only to arrive home and catch her husband cheating. The other she does not make the train but still finds out about his cheating and the outcome is still the same. Needless to say I didn't like it very much. I thought the point would have been to show the difference a moment can make sometimes. Not every moment but some. I definitely believe that. Think about it a little I bet you have one or maybe more. Maybe it's a choice? Maybe it's timing? Maybe its fate? Whatever it is it got your where you are today. Good or bad. Make the most of it.

Babies

     A week or so ago there was one day that was all about babies. I found out someone was pregnant. We watched a TV show where one of the main characters did nothing else but talk about having a baby and becoming pregnant. When that was over flipped to a classic "Family Ties" and what do you know it's the episode where Elyse finds out she's pregnant with Andy. During the tv viewing I found out another friend was pregnant. Nothing like a litle push to set something to the forefront of your mind.
     For a long time I thought there'd be another baby in this house eventually. I've been coming to realize, and adjust to, the fact that that just isn't going to happen. And it's probably for the best too. If I were rich I'm sure I'd have lots more kids. I'd also be able to have hired help to clean my house while I got to play and take care of them all day. And bring along on any fun trips like the one we took this summer so we'd still be able to do them. Ah, fantasyland, such a fun place to play in.
    Anyway, I do sort of feel like I'm done with diapers and formula and feedings every three hours. Sure, I still get some of it with my extras but it's a big difference when your not doing it 24/7. I'm sure every mom out there could tell you that. I can see how things like our spontaneous lucky trip to the parade this year would never have happened if we had had another. Same with our amazing cross country trip this summer. And I know that's a good thing. My husband has said he's done and just doesn't have the patience anymore for babies. I may not either but just can't commit to that, "I'm done" statement.
     I really loved being pregnant. Every time. No they weren't always easy and yes there were plenty of times I bitched and moaned about having no control over my body. Just the feeling of that baby growing in there is so amazing. It really does cancel out all of the crappy stuff. Nothing in this world compares to it. I think that's mainly what I can't say I'm done with yet. Getting to feel that feeling one more time. I also feel like I should have one good comfortable pregnancy where everything else in life is going well. My first I was 19 and living at home with  my parents. My second we were all living with my dad at the time trying to make our own way. My third we were figuring out how to fit us all into our small little house. My husband and I had our living room/bedroom. Lots of fun sleeping on a pull out couch being pregnant! But that's just life and I will certainly always remember each one very well. I don't really think there is such a thing as a pefect easy pregnancy anymore. But a comfortable one was still a hope. And since we're not quite comfortable another one really isn't in the cards.
     I really wish I had taken more big baby belly photos. Decency and fat be damned. I'm not happy I don't have those. A few girlfriends I know even did fashion shots. I wish I had done something like that. Oh well. We never get it all and there are always some regrets. We get what we get and we make the best of it. So Emily will be my only girl. I'll be able to do more with her. Give her more things and more time. And hopefully we'll be a whole lot closer than my mother and I are.
     I can see where I have more time for my kids without another baby in the house. That's a wonderful thing to have. I can be more involved in each of their lives. Sure, my husband doesn't like when I get on the big boys about girls but that's my priviledge as their mom. I grew up a lot with them too when they were just babies and I certainly don't want them making any of my mistakes. Sure there's a whole mess of things I might change if I had the chance. They would never be part of that. Hindsight is 20/20 right?
     It's been a running thing in my head all this stuff about babies. Maybe now I've gotten it out I'll be good. Maybe. I see the reasons, and there are lots and lots and lots of good ones. And I think I'm coming to accept just how good they really are. I didn't sleep well with all of this in my head last night. This morning when I was finally up for good I picked up a Glamour magazine I had in the bathroom to have some peace from Jake for a few minutes this morning. There was this whole article about surrogate moms. I thought it a little funny and appropriate for my mindset. Not that I could ever do something like that. Plus I think I'm too old for it already. And would carrying someone elses baby even give you the same feeling? Probably not, there's this whole thing about yours when your belly is full of baby I think. But I wouldn't know.
     My kids will get a better Mom I think without an extra sibling. I'll have more to give. And finances to do more. I need to see them as they grow and how each age is a wonderful thing. It's not all about the babies anymore. I think I'm already starting to see how I can enjoy them more without another demanding all my time. And that's really good for them. And probably me and my husband too. As there's never been just us. I had kids when he met me. But that makes it a little scary too. Maybe another reason why I'm holding onto the baby thing still. What will we be without kids around?