jon and kate

I first have to say that i have never seen a full episode of the show jon and kate plus eight. I know its some big phenomenon, even more so lately. I have never really had the desire to watch. I may have stopped while flipping through and caught a bit here and there but never kept it on. Over the past week or so I couldn't help noticing them on the cover of many magazines. A lot of the ladies I work with read the magazines so they are always around our desk at work. I don't read them religiously like some ladies do. (People magazine is our Joans' Bible.) Only when I'm bored or something interests me on the cover will i flip through, otherwise i stick with my books.
We've been pretty dead most nights lately so I've flipped through and couldn't help seeing all the coverage on this family. With a roll of my eyes i started flipping past the story. I feel if you want to open your family up to the scrutiny of the media every day you deserve what you get. I only feel bad for their kids and really couldn't care less about the details of their lives.
Then I saw the before picture of Kate. Holy Shit! what a difference. I think I have shown it to everyone and anyone who would listen. It is shocking. I still cannot get over it. She looked like any everyday normal mom. Comfy clothes, messy hair, a few pounds overweight from having the kids. But she also had a big smile on her face. Now, forget it, she's a completely different person at least looks-wise. I swear she is trying her damnedest to look like Victoria Beckham, miss posh spice i believe. The hairdo, the big sunglasses, the mini skirts, the attitude. Theres one shot i would've sworn it WAS her!
That picture hooked me. I have now read every article I've seen on this crazy lady. And there have been quite a few. A few other women I work with who have watched the show from the beginning assure me she's been 'off' from the get go. I guess nothing shows it more than her looks. I mean no one wants to be known as that frumpy mom type do they? But we are, aren't we? And we've all got those good shots when we may be looking our mom finest. We are of course more than moms but for a lot of years that pretty much defines you.
I think Kate, because she has been handed the means on a silver platter, has done everything to not look like mom. If what they say is true and she is barely home with her kids anymore, as she's out promoting book after book, why would she. I don't always want to look like "mom." When people find out how many kids i have they often say I don't look like i have four kids. And it is a wonderful compliment. But then again what is someone with four kids supposed to look like. In my case, I'm guessing older.
I can't fault her for wanting to look good. She is all over the media. I do think she's gone to the extreme at the expense of her family. At least thats what its sounds like to me from what i've read. Over the past few years I've tried to make myself look better (and healthier) by losing weight. I certainly didn't have any surgery, and if i was handed the money would never do it. I also would never put my life on tv. Sure, I'll give you all pieces of it in my writing but thats what i'm choosing to give you. Works much better that way. And if I was ever able to get anything published I wouldn't leave my kids for 20 out of 31 days in a month, as been reported about Kate. I'd be missing way too much. If thats what it took to get published, it wouldn't be worth it. No way, no how. They grow up once and you never get that back.

necessary evil

Being a girl is just so much fun! Birth control sucks. As i sit here nursing what wants to become a migraine i needed to complain. We want to have sex and enjoy it birth control becomes the necessary evil. Gee, who has to deal with it. me or as in most cases the woman! I've said to a few people once we decide on number five or not it'll finally be my husbands turn. One visit to consult. one visit snip snip and I don't have to think about it anymore! Yippee for me! Hopefully rob agrees to it or we may have a problem. Think this may be part of my very convincing arguement.
Its recommended for us lovely ladies to start seeing the fun doctor(gyno) at i believe 16 or when you become sexually active. For me that would have been 15. Two visits a year for your annual and pap. I just turned 34 so thats fifty eight visits so far. Not even counting the extras when you get pregnant. And all the good invasive things that go on there. Plus not having any control of your body for nine months each time. Just extra goodies.
Now birth conrtol. You must keep up with these visits in order to keep getting your birth control so theres no hedging the numbers. I have been on three different types so far. I know there are a lot more out there but for me its juts been three. Each one in addition to the lovely risks you now hear listed on the tv has come with their own special side effects for me and my body!
First up was the patch. A sticky patch like a band aid you put on certain parts of your body and leave it for a week. Of course in the course of a week it doesn't look very good so you try to put it somewhere rarely seen. Three patches for a month, the last week no patch and you get your friend! Along with my friend and all her joyous effects on my body i began getting migraine headaches. I have always gotten bad headaches since I was little. these migraines... well they suck ten times more. There were times i could not go to work much less do anything but lie in bed with the room in complete darkness and a pillow over my head to keep out any and every possible sound. If i was lucky I'd cry myself to sleep the pain was so bad. The longer I was on the patch the worse they seemed to get. They wouldn't be gone when I woke up after awhile and would hang around for a few days. I had to learn to cope with it and function beyond the pain. Somehow I did. I figured losing a day a month in pain was the necessary evil i'd put up with to enjoy a good sex life with my husband.
Next we had Jacob and when I wanted the patch back cause I was used to it after having been on it for three years they would not give it to me. It was not recalled per se but there was a big stink about the blood clot risk and my dr. would no longer prescribe it. Now My good dr. was touting the greatness of the ring. the new brith control option. This bendy ring goes up like a tampon and stays for three weeks. Was not thrilled with this at all. Was in fact quite pissed and called a girlfriend to bitch about it. "Oh, i'm on it and its great!" she tells me. So I suck it up and give it a shot. This first month wasn't too bad but i felt my contacts weren't quite right. The next month it got even worse and I could barely wear them. Something was just not right with my eyes. Back to the dr.
I get the lowest dose pill they have. Bacause of the reaction I had to the ring they don't want to chance anything else. Sure, now I have to remember to take a pill every damn day! not happy. I stash the pills with my toothbrush and do not have any problem forgetting them!
These pills aren't all that bad. You have 24 real ones and four fakes. You take the fakes so you don't get out of your routine and thats when your supposed to get your period. Funny thing is I NEVER get it when i'm on the fake ones. I also only get it every other month now. Thats a side effect i don't mind. First I was worried about it but the dr. said as long as i get it i'm good. I do have to track when it actually shows up still but every other month its almost a gift. I still feel the fun effects once a month but hey less grossness is always good. My body always knows when I've been off them. By the fourth fake pill day I get a slight headache like yesterday. Today I started my new pack but because my body hasn't registered the real pill yet I still have my annoying headache. It doesn't ever, or at least not yet, go into a full- blown migraine or anything but i can always feel it may have the potential. Thats when I know i must take tylenol. Extra strength. three at a time. Thats what my body likes. Take them for my cramps and my toothaches too. Went through a Bj's big bottle of them in about a month recently. Yes not good but I'm still here. I don't think u can OD on tylenol. Pain I've had quite enough of it and will do whats necessary to get rid of it. I've finally started with a hopefully good dentist... but thats another story

fridays

It seems by the end of the week i'm making the time to get on here. Weather is finally getting and hopefully staying nice and warm. Birthdays have begun. Love that it starts with mine. And so comes extra craziness. We also have school ending and our summer vacation to plan. Not sure that having our time share week be the week right after school ends was such a good idea but it's too late now. Looking forward to the trip. Not the planning and packing for everyone in my house but my husband. Just part of my job as mom right? We are going for two weeks this year and going to Disneyworld. With some extended family. That makes planning above and beyond what it usually is. Last year we just went and the plan was hang out at the timeshare complex and do all they had to offer. That was the best. No set time to go anywhere or do anything, thats a real vacation right? Think we should do it that way more often. I've got lists of rides at each park, best places to eat, cheapest, what robs mom will be able to do, what we're going to try to do each day all running through my head. In addition to all the normal day to day stuff. So much fun. There was a great Zits comic in the paper the other day. The teenage boy starts off complaining about why his mom has to share every thought in her head with him. Of course she answers he's not, he's just getting the highlights. The kid comments, "O'hare, Atlanta, and Heathrow all in one skull" Dad agrees yup a lot of traffic up there. It is just sooo damn true. Keeping track of everything in the house, with four kids and all their own issues and three animals, and a husband, all the house stuff in itself, like laundry and grocery lists and what we need at all time if i'm ever in the right store and have the money. And work stuff and friends you want to make sure to keep in touch with and emails and i could just go on and on and on. There is way too much going on up there at all times. My husband works during the day, i work nights and weekends so ideally one of us is home with the kids. Of course this doesn't always happen when the kids have their own stuff going on now so they have to watch each other sometimes and of course if my husband runs late or has meetings and can't make it home before i have to leave. I cannot remember it all. Yes i know there are certain days he usually has meetings but by the end of the school year the schedule has gone out the window. Every night before bed I go over in my head whats going on the next day and what needs to be done and who goes where and all that so i have it all straight and know how the days going to go. On nights i don't do it i wind up being surprised the next day. I had a horrible toothache the night before last i could barely get to sleep much less think about the next day. At five o'clock yesterday when my husband didn't get home yet it dawns on me it may be a late day and the kids will be on their own for a bit as i need to leave for work in half an hour. Yes I also didn't work thursdays most of the schoolyear so I didn't have to think about when the kids would be on their own. Disney is coming and we need the cash. So of course when i get my husband on the phone he thought i knew. Just a little reminder the day before, the day of, without my asking would be very helpful. Its exhausting always asking and keeping track. a little help would be nice. maybe theni'd sleep a little better too...

mothers day

Wasn't quite sure what I wanted out of the day this year but I got a little bit of everything and it was great. Probably the best one yet. I was not thrilled when I felt I had to go to my mothers house. I even told my sister how our mom could just send a card to hers and never went to see her. Felt like she was messing with my day now that I'm mom too. Thought seriously about calling and saying I didn't feel well. I did not.
I did not get any extra sleep as I might have hoped. Jake came into bed with me around 7-7:30am. My husband jumped right up. If only he'd do that more than once a year. :) I think he took jake to the potty and then went downstairs. Jake wanted me to lie in his bed for awhile and we did. It was nice. He eventually went downstairs with daddy. I actually got into Emilys bed. A few days before she had said she wanted to make me breakfast. I told her I wanted her to make sure daddy got me breakfast from Friendlys. I knew she needed breakfast first so i crawled into bed with her to wake her.
She was very happy and we cuddled for awhile. Until my stomach started growling. I told her to go down and have daddy make her breafast so then they could go get mine. My husband learned on our honeymoon I need food in the morning or I get very grouchy. We were going out to breakfast at disney world. I was up and ready early. He took a little longer. Then when we got there we had to wait and i was pissed cause i was starving by then. Needless to say emily ate quick and I had my breakfast in bed around 9.
When Emily went downstairs I got back into bed in my room. I think that is what made the day so great. I finally had my own bed in my own room to veg out in and everyone could come and cater to me there. Loved it. Of course it is shared with my husband but three years of the living room being our bedroom I still wake up happy and love spending a day vegging in my bed. I couldn't go back to sleep now but I got to catch up on all my dvr'd shows. My Friendlys breakfast was set up nicely on a tray. The kids only stole a few bits of bacon. They came in and out and it was just really nice and relaxing. I wanted to have them clean up some of the yard for me so when my husband got in to snuggle with me I reminded him about it and how we were suposed to get to my mothers later.
He got them outside and working. I had cut down a bunch of branches before any work had even started on the house and they were cleaning them out and tying them up for the town to finally take. I got up and helped some. Usually goes faster that way anyway. Also had my book and read for awhile while they finished. It was so gorgeous. Could not have asked for a better day.
Then we all got quickly cleaned up and ready to go to my mothers. We were there about 3 hours. Not too bad. Think my husband enjoyed what she had cooked. I was barely hungry from my big breakfast. The kids had fun as grandmas yard is like a playground.
We left and I was dropped of at home for some peace and quiet as my husband brought the kids over to his moms. he also took them bowling after and i toyed with the idea of going to but eventually did not. Just vegged in my room and outside some more. To nice to not spend more of the day outside. I actually exercised some. Guess I'm to the point where it makes me feel good to do it so I do.
They brought home dinner from white castle. I think it is a big waste to try to go out on mothers day. Its really more of a hassle for all of us to go and wait and make sure they all behave. And of course more expensive. I had laid a blanket on the living room floor and had a movie ready to go. We had a diner picnic on the floor and watched Ratatouille. I have been trying to get the kids to watch as many disney movies as we can before our big trip thius summer. My husband ate leftovers as he doesn't feel the crave as the rest of us do for white castle. It was just a really good time. A really great day. A little bit of everything that worked out perfectly. Can't wait till next year.

the reader

ok so the movie was pretty good thats not what this is about. Actually it was much better than i expected. See it when you get the chance.
I've always loved books. Whether i could read them or not, just something about them to me was great. Guess it makes sense i work in a library now. It'd be nice to stay home with the kids, or even work somewhere else to make more money but if i did either of those I would surely miss being around all those books. I remember when I was a kid my parents had this big bookshelf full of all kinds of books. I took out a whole pile of them, opened them to various pages and spread them around me. I really didn't know what they were about and didn't care, just sort of picked at random and felt smart and old with them all around me. Not sure how old i even was. I remember when my mom came in and saw me she thought i was starving because appearently I had pulled out a bunch of cookbooks.

I was lucky because we lived close enough to the library that i would ride my bike or even walk there. I spent a lot of my summers every year trekking back and forth. Sometimes with a freind sometimes by myself. I still love reading and go on tears from time to time jumping from book to book and slacking on other things to read. Then I stop for awhile until one of my favorite authors puts out something new and I start a new tear. If only I had realized when i was younger i'd love working there i could be behind the librarian desk making some better money. Now i'd need time and money for school. Maybe eventually.

Recently on a tv show, movie or maybe i read it somewhere, they were talking about books and how every book is different to every person who reads it. You take yourself into the story and you get out of it something no one else will because they are not you. I knew this from my own experience with books and other people but this was the first i ever heard someone talking about it. It is so true.
Your experiences go with you when you read. you can identify better with some characters than other. some are more real some have been through what you have, some just touch you in different ways. I will never forget an argument I had with a high school boyfriend about a book i was reading. I was comparing myself to a character in a book and he just kept saying how it wasn't me. Well of course it was not but what if it was. I was like her in certain ways. I could be her. Why couldn't I be her and experience what she did? Maybe thats why I always enjoyed reading and he did not. I would be there in the story, in the character. Thats what it was about. Going to a different place, a different time, living a different life. All about the fantasy. And there are so many different stories and places to experience. So many different people to be. I think the regulars i see at my job definitely get it. Whats interesting its there are a lot more women than men. Maybe we just get it better. Maybe we just need a bigger better fantasy life. Or to escape our own lives more often than they do. It is definitely an escape. I don't need sound effects or the like in the movies like my husband enjoys, I want to picture it myself. It means more and is more enjoyable when I do it than to see someone elses take on the story. It is a special wonderful experience whether it is the most profound classic story that has been around for ages or the newest trashiest romance novel I could get my hands on. They are all worth my time reading.

i just want to sleep.

Since I was a kid i have been able to fall asleep anywhere and in pretty much any position. There are some great pics of me not just sleeping on the floor, in the car, or in a high chair like normal little kids. I'll be sitting up, hanging upside down off the couch, or the one i remember the best is with my head on the couch cushions, my feet on the coffee table and my ass hanging down in between. i think i was about eight. maybe thats why now I don't care if any of my cats sleep on me. I kind of like it. I'm a cuddler, my husband is not so the cats and the kids make up for it I guess.
When i'm tired, like normal people i just want sleep. Now that i have kids i definitely don't get as much as i'd like or probably need. I can't say that any of them have been good sleepers. Well, maybe andrew, and i've got some great shots of him sleeping in funny ways so he's like his mom. But since he and robert were a two for one deal i still didn't catch a break on sleep. Lets take last night. I have had a cough for a week i cannot shake. As with anything cold related it is worse at night. when i finally got settled to go to bed I could not stop hacking. I gave up and went down to take cough medicine and vicks my feet as i felt the congestion coming on too. The vicks then of course brought on even more coughing. I felt bad for my husband as i knew he was trying to sleep, has to get up early for work, and stayed up late the night before for the game. I knew i wouldn't be able to sleep just yet so I took my pillow and blanket from our bed and went downstairs. It would have been nice if he had at least asked if i was ok. Guess maybe he didn't hear me hacking as much as i thought. So it was off to the couch and i flipped around the tv stations, cleared out the dvr stuff and after about an hour finally started dozing. Not long after i hear jacobs footsteps on the stairs. Now I feel bad as he's out of sorts looking for me and I bring him back up to bed. Of course he wants me to stay so I sit a few and I'm dozing as quickly as he is. Finally.
I jump awake, go back down to get my pillow and blanket and hear him up again. I figure I may as well lie with him and sleep than fight to stay awake while he goes back to sleep and then move again. A few hours later my husband comes in jakes room to kiss me goodbye. I get up and move into my bed at about 5:45am. The big boys come in to say goodbye a little later and then jake is up. He gets in bed with me for a few. Gets up gets his blanket and pillow and lies on the floor. a few minutes later he wants to hold my hand. I reach down. Anything to get just a little more sleep. I have until eight when I need to get emily up and ready for school. Not to be. Jake keeps moving, wanting both my hands and then finally wants me to come to the potty with him. I send him off and get up shortly before eight.
Last night was not a good night at all and I am exhausted today. If i could nap, if jake and roxanne would nap together, i'd definitely join them. Don't think that will be happening. I fight with jake telling him no on a lot of things all day long. He's two this is what happens. At night i'm done I want sleep no matter how i can get it. I'd camp out on his floor, let him sleep in my bed and vice versa and everything in between if it let me get to sleep that much faster when i'm done for the day and want nothing more than sleep. I did the same with the boys and with emily. Yes i will bitch and complain about it. Especially if i wasn't sleeping in the best position and my body is paying for it the next day. If it was the easiest way for me to get a little more sleep i'm taking it. When the boys were babies and I was living with my parents i'd make and extra trip to the bathroom during the day. I could lock everyone out, lie on the floor and close my eyes and rest in peace for just a few extra minutes. no it was not comfy or ever close to ideal rest. It was what i had and what i needed and it got me through the rest of the day. If thats what i have to do and some sucky nights like last night thats what i'm going to do. Sure i could yell as jake to go back to bed and make him cry and ignore him. cause then we may just wake up everyone elkse or i'll sleep like shit anyway knowing he went to bed crying. Sure there are nights he does when i've had enough or don't feel well and rob puts him to sleep and hes crying for mommy. But i'd rather be the one who is uncomfortable at night than make my child be.

moms vs. dads

when i get up for work on sat. mornings my husband gets to stay in bed till i leave. Or even then he may not get out of bed unless i tell or ask him to help me. If the kids get up while i am trying to get ready for work i get them and deal with what they need. When he gets up in the morning to get ready for work if any of the kids get up, usually jake, i get up and deal with him. Emily will eat all her toast every morning i make it. when daddy makes it he lets it get dark and does not cut the crusts off. I am not sure how often she eats it all. I am told i baby her by making it the way she likes it. When they go to bed at night I tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. Rob stays at the computer and emily will come to him to say goodnight and then get into her bed. Jake will usually have to get yelled at to go to sleep. Or I sit with him, usually holding his hand until he falls asleep. When we are all sleeping at night if I hear anything I get up. My husband never hears anything. Maybe i need to get some ear plugs. For lunch I make sure everyone, especially the big boys eat at normal times. 12-1pm. When i'm not home if they forget to eat or aren't hungry they don't eat. I make sure everyone has food they like and eat it and everything to go with it. Most times sometimes i forget a drink or something, then i get my food. My husband can be done and gone hiding upstairs by the time i get to sit down. Of course he says its not hiding i knbow where he is. he's not in the immediate area helping hes hiding to me. If they need something anything i usually jump right up or wait till it gets soo annoying i can't take it anymore. my husband can ignore a hell of a lot longer than i can. If i've just finally sat down you'd think he might jump up first. Jake will stand in front of the door and tell me I'm not going to work and get all sad when its time for me to leave. Never have i seen him do this to my husband. I guess there's a reason it's called mommy guilt and i've never heard the phrase daddy guilt. I cannot go to emilys baseball it so happens i have to work to. I work when my husband does not. Gee, thats when baseball is. Not an issue for him. Do i take off work and not make $ for everyone so i can see her play? Theres a reason we feel like we have to do it all and can't. its life. I chose to have these kids i am responsible for them at all times. When i have to work it's my husbands job. Yet if theres something else he wants/ needs to do at the same time I feel bad the kids will be watching each other for an hour or two. He does not. Although he and I have taken off for a nice dinner by ourselves and let them watch themselves for an hour or two and I don't feel bad. Maybe it's the whole work guilt thing in general that makes some times worse than others for me?

weight

Two years ago after working my butt off I weighed the least i think i ever have in my adult life. I didn't stay there. I've put back 10-15lbs depending on the day or week. I've stayed there though for about a year. I still feel like i could get back down to where i was if i pushed myself. i think i am happy where i am weight wise and i keep hearing from people about how good i loook. and that i've done well by keeping it off. i always answer how i put back the ten or fifteen and they seem surprised. our bodies change a hell of a lot over the years though. I remember being about 140 in high school. last night weighing 145 i was at a friends wedding and saw some poeple i hadn't seen since high school. I was told how they never would have guessed it was me. and how i had lost A LOT of weight. well yes i had but that was after i got married and had a few kids that i was up to 205. not from when they remembered me. or so i thought. i know in high school i wore ususally a size nine. of course that was juniors size. although maybe it wasn't like it is now. i definoitely believe sizes have changed since i was in school. if i bought a juniors nine now it would probably fit. maybe it would be a little big. i have clothes that i currently wear with tags that say anywhere from a four to and eight. thats four different sizes! it all depends on who makes the clothes and how they fit your body. and how they run their sizes. and of course how your body is made. i've got a mommy jelly belly. it has gone down considerably but it is still there. i also have big thighs and calves. there ain't an inch of fat on my calves but there are boots out there i can never wear because they just were not made for my calves. i think i can still lose some in my thighs but there not too bad. my favorite jeans right now are a 7/8 i believe. they are loose in the waist and tight in the thigh its just how i am made. i also think you need to know how to dress your body. they are certain things some people should not wear. most people don't think that way. i have a chest and alway always always must wear a bra. i got this great dress for the wedding last night, with a cut out back. of course i forgot when i ordered it how i'd have to figure out how to get a bra under there. i wound up making one from others that i have. they sell this bras that are supposed to go under anything but you never know if they'll fit right and they run from like $50-90. i paid thirty for the dress. i refused to pay more for the bra. my mom saw me in the dress and said how i would've made a comment about her when she wore something like that years before. well mostly then i felt she was my mom and prbably shouldn't be wearing something like that. but what i didn't say then and have no problem telling her now is how she would have worn it w/o the bra. yes she had less than i did even then. not anymore. but no matter what as you get older the girls need to be held up no matter what size you are. she didn't belivee that. my older sisietr thinks the same too. and its pretty gross. esp. when we see here for the kids birthdays and shes got on a tank and nothing else. you can see that! a girlfriends daughter recently asked her mom why she wasn't wearing one. guess it was at least a good learning experience for her daughter. but i have gotten off weight quite a bit now haven't i? I guess what it comes down to is i think my body is comfy at this weight. I am comfy at this weight. I also can still indulge myself more than if i was trying to stick to my low of 129. and hearing compliments from people even tho i feel i weigh more than i could feels good. it also reinforces the thinking that i really don't have to get back to 129. though it did feel damn good

then i get sick

was told it's hard to read with the black and white so i'm trying larger and hope it helps :) maybe i have allergies now. who knows. i'm getting older and they can develop. I love sprng but i always seem to get sick. especially when we have eighty dergree days and then fifity degree days. just too much for me. I always get a cough tho. i do not get itchy or watery eyes like i thought were involved with allergies. I know i get completely stuffed up and can't stand it. But I really hate it when I get up in the morning and cannot swallow. Started last week and went away enough for me to get to the dentist for the first time in ages. The next day its back. If i don't have something to drink next to my bed I'm hurting till i make it down the stairs. I have taken allergy medicine for the congestion from time to time but mostly its aspirin and sudafed. and lots and lots of it. Had to stop at my dads for some mint hard candies to suck on to get through the day at work yesterday. Oh and vicks at night when it gets that bad. But if you've gotten that crazy email like i have that says about putting the vicks on your feet and then putting yur socks on and going to bed. the shit works i swear. I wanted to bang my head against the wall to feel better i was so congested. vicks on the feet i swear it worked. sure i still had a runny nose but i wasn't in pain. now i've not been deathly sick or anything just the annoying shitty kind where you can still function pretty well and go to work and do all the other crap you have to your just dragging ass doing it. Then of course the kids get it some and i get no sleep cause they are up a few times a night and then I am up seperate times from when they are up cause i feel like shit myself. My husband never hears a thing. i ask all the time did you hear him when jake is up 3 times a night. no he always says no. gee, wish i could sleep like that for a few nights in a row than maybe i wouldn't have these crappy black circles under my eyes for the wedding i have to go to tonight. And of course every other day. I know they're really bad when i get up and my eyes hurt. I'm not tired enough to sleep but it just feels much better to keep my eyes closed. I've done the cucumber thing and it'll help, or at least feel really good while they're on my eyes. When i remove them its not any better. Heard about using potatoes may have to try that. i guess the best thing about being woken up so damn early all the time is if I give in and get my butt right up like this morning, when i had to cause jake peed in the bed, i get my blogging in nice and early. was thinking of giving it up but maybe i'll try again to keepn it going. see how wishy washy i am with all of this