martha sucks, not for the boys

No, I don't mean Martha that stupid dog from the kids show. Thanks to my girlfriend Stacey I'm talking about a womans monthly friend. My period. Yup I went there. Hey why nbot. The past week has sucked. I have been in so much pain and in a bitching mood so here i go again. Ok so for whatever reason in high school we wouldn't say period. Or friend or any of that other old lady shit so Stacey came up with Martha. Sort of appropriate as who knows anyone named Martha anymore anyway and it is an annoying old ladys name. So martha its been. My husband knows this too. Some of my friend now too. I've kept it alive. Though I have recently reconnected with Stacey. It's been sixteen years since high school. I haven't asked her about martha lately. While I agree womens bodies are much pretty and better to look at than guys they also really suck. They change way too much. And we don't have control much of the time. Sure we're usually the ones in control of the birth control but that just messes with our bodies even more. I never had cramps when I first got my period. Actually never had them until after My twins were born. Maybe I never noticed cause I have a high tolerance for pain. No matter I never understood when I was younger why my older sister needed to stay home from school because of it all the time. Like she was dying or something. I was like oh please suck it up and get your butt to school you wuss! After the twins I got my own fun filled cramps. They'd hang around for a few days and be annoying. I took what i needed, which wasn't much then and lived with it like we all have to. After my daughter was born came the fun of birth control. I got the patch. Annoying and kind of gross after it was on for a few days but it did its job. In case you have no clue you stick the sucker on like a band aid. I'd switch sides of my hip above my backside. And leave it for a week. three weeks, one week off and thats when you'd get your period. Unfortunately thats when I'd also get migraines. Thse suckers were horrible. They'd last a few days with the middle day the worst. Sometimes I'd make it through suck it up and go to work other times I'd close myself in a room in complete darkness with a pillow over my head and try to sleep it away. Never worked. neither did any kind of aspirin or tylenol. It was a necessary evil as far as i was concerned. no babies and cramps that I took three extra strength tylenols for every three hours and a sucky headache. The fun of a womans body. Then came jacob. After I was not allowed back on the patch they recalled it or just weren't prescribing it because of blot clot risk. Well hello all birth control has this. again necessary evil. What shit to be able to enjoy sex right? Anyway The Dr. gives me the next new thing in birth control the ring. Not too sure I'm going to like this. Talk to my grlfriend about it she's on it seems to love it. Ok fine I give it a whirl. This one goes in like a tampon for three weeks and out for the last. The first month i noticed I was having a lot of problems with my contacts. Next month not so much the contacts i realize as my eyes are going blurry more often and they just aren't right. Go to the doctor tell him about the problem. Gee, must be the ring. Now they can't give me anything else but a pill cause they are worried about side effects. The headache never mattered tho. funny. So I get this low dose one that is also supposed to only give me my period for four days. I'm good with that lets see how this works. Been on this sucker for a few years now. I never ever get my period on the four days i'm supposed to. Not once has this happened. Usually it comes right before and then it hangs around longer because i'm taking the fake pills without the hormone in it. I do only get my period every other month. Dr. says as long as its less its fine. So i guess instead of four days eachj month eight days every other month evens it out anyway right? I get headaches with it only slightly now. Every once in awhile a good ole migraine comes along. Once your get em you always do. Thanks birth control! And i'll get cramps every month. Just not all the fun the comes along. When my period does show up they are much worse than ever and do not respond to my tylenol cocktail. Think i may be looking for a new drug soon. And I cannot control myself with the cravings. If you've been reading me you know already. Chocolate salt cheese. gotta have em. But they are really incredible. I don't know how to ignore them. I have more candy in this house than ever before because of them. More hidden casue I can becaue i have more hiding spots. But I will just go out and buy that bag of chocolate now. Before i wouldn't give in now i have to. Have To! It just sucks. pretty much all of it. can't wait to see what happens after if we do have a number five. How lovely to be a woman like me!