Procrastination

     It is still early yet, Jake has only had school for 7 days now, but I feel like I could and should be doing so much more while he's gone. At least on the days I have the time he's gone to myself. I did run to the store in peace and quiet once or twice. It seems like everyone knows I can actually talk on the phone in peace and calls me then. The dog of course must go out then also. If I want dinner on the table when Rob gets home at 5 I need to do any prep work before I run to pick Jake up. The 4-5 hour is spent going through backpacks lunchboxes and doing homework while getting the dinner done. The crazy hour. Though it is not as crazy as I don't have to get myself ready and out the door for work anymore.
     I feel like I could better use my alone time. Yet I don't. I find other things to distract myself. I want to write. I want to be a writer. But if I don't force myself to sit down and write something, or work on all the somethings I've already started, nothing will ever get written by me. Except maybe this blog. I've made a big effort in getting to every day and at least writing something down for it. It's been about a month already since I restarted and I'm still here. Guess that's a good sign but I know that it's not enough. I don't even know if anyone is really reading me that often except for my husband and probably Dawn. (Thanks for being my follower by the way.)
     Maybe it's just because I still feel lost and confused about my life right now. Sure I'm mom and that's easy. More and more though the kids are all getting older and then what? What will I be doing next year when Jake is gone all day long too? And I don't have to drive him back and forth in the middle of the day. I didn't go to college. I don't have any sort of degree. I don't even have a job outside my house anymore. Let the pity party begin. Not the best way to spend my alone time today either. At least I'm writing something with this time now though. I've thought it'd be neat if I could actually keep this going for a year. That's a hell of a lot of writing for me to be putting out there. Maybe that's all I should focus on? This project for this crazy in between year. Though I already know it's not enough.
     I need to find the excitement I had when I thought about my writing ideas. Not sure where it went. Even when it's here it wavers. I'm lucky if it lasts a full day. Maybe I'm done with it because I actually told my husband what the first one was. I actually showed him some of what I had worked on. Since then I've been stagnant. Maybe I should try the second? Maybe I should try and finish what I started? It'd be nice if I wasn't all over the place.