Tomorrow will be my third Saturday without a job. Or, without my job at the library. I'm getting used to them now. Looking forward to hitting the beach very early with Em, Jake, my dad, and my sister tomorrow. Have not been able to ever do that with them because I was always working on Saturdays. They are definitely getting easier, nicer and much, much better. Especially better than that first one.
Three weeks ago I was actually able to sleep until 9:30am. A big rarity in this house with early riser Jake. Though most of that is my fault because I'm usually an early riser myself. But who doesn't appreciate the occasional morning slept in? Normally I'd have left for work an hour before that. Unfortunately that was maybe the best part of the day. Sure, it was nice to be home with the hubby and kids but it just didn't feel right. I didn't feel right. It was as if I didn't belong. Which after years of working every single Saturday, 9am-5pm, was normal I guess.
Rob was taking them to Best Bargain Books for Star Wars day. They were having dressed up characters from the movies and he and the kids could take pictures with them. I thought tagging along and being in the bookstore would help. I was wrong. I was so not happy there. I don't know what it is but I need to be around books. I love being around books. It's where I feel I belong. To be able to just grab any one of 'em, flip it open, and dive into another world or learn something new. I love it! Call me a geek, nerd or whatever, I still love it. In the bookstore I couldn't just take any of them home with me like when I was at work. Well I could, but that of course would wind up costing quite a lot. I knew then I needed to get to my new home library and start feeling like myself again.
I grew up going to the library I eventually worked in for 14 years. I always knew it. It was always there. It was somewhere I could always go to escape whatever. I used to walk and even ride my bike there starting when I was in elementary school. I was always there. It was a second home for me even then. I have a new library to learn now. To be just as comfortable and happy in. It sucks I can't just walk or bike there but I'll have to get used to driving down. And going consistantly to keep me sane. I'm working on it now but three weeks ago I was scared and nervous about it. Would it be the same? Would I like it? Would I even be able to find what I wanted? And I knew I had to wait until Monday to go. Though it helped get me through the day, having a plan to get out of my funk, it stunk knowing I had to wait for it.
Hey Jess, its me Deniz. I really hate not being able to talk to you when you come into visit. I just feel like I cant say everything I want to say and not to mention I'm still just upset about the whole thing. I keep thinking you are going to just come in one of these days, as if this is just another vacation and it'll only be another day or so before I see you in the break room or put something on your card that was on hold for you.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I just wanted you to know I miss you and would talk if I could on saturdays. My mom says (and pretty much the rest of the world I think) that it'll get easier with time. I hope so for your sake and mine.
On the bright side though, it was a pretty fantastic day out today. So I'm glad your having some "Jessica Time" even if it wasnt what you were planning on. You'll figure things out, even if its not going to be easy after years of working at the CPL. So yea, I just thought I say that. And if you ever want to talk we're all here for you. I think Kat has my number if you ever wanted to text.
See you soon Jess, take care :)