Having two babies need you at the same time is a very daunting thing. Twins certainly aren't easy. I'm so glad I had them first. I didn't know any better or any different. Being exhausted was just a part of life the first few years after their arrival. Things didn't work out between me and their dad and by the time they were three months old he was gone. Although not gone completely, around enough to be annoying, but not helpful at all.
Living at my parents house with my two sisters I had the biggest bedroom since it fit the three of us. Sometimes everyone in the house was helpful. More often than not they weren't. Nightime was nice. It was mine. I could be in that big room with just my babies and relax. My bed, their two cribs, a little tv, we were good. At least as long as they were both sleeping at the same time. Sometimes I got lucky, sometimes I did not. One was a better sleeper than the other and would go down easily after his bottle. The other usually wound up in bed with me sometime in the middle of the night. It was the only way I was going to get any sleep. Then there were times they both would. I remember being so tired sometimes I'd wake up, check on the one in the crib, the one in the bed next to me, and then start to freak out cause I couldn't find the other one. "Oh wait, you're half asleep and he's right there in the crib where you checked on him two minutes ago. There are only two. It certainly felt like more on those bad nights. It was a great realization but showed how the exhaustion got to me. I knew I couldn't nap any during the day unless they both did also. I had four other people living in the house with me but I had to do it all and I had to do it right.
The large living room that at one time had been two bedrooms and a hallway became our world. The biggest playpen ever. The babies were blocked in that room because it was safest and easiest. And of course it was in the center of the house so everyone knew what I was doing with the kids and when. I used to use the bathroom for quick naps or quick getaway when I needed a break. Seriously, I would lie down on the floor in the bathroom and just close my eyes for a few minutes. 5, 10, maybe even 15. I could still hear the babies pretty well through the door. And of course everyone else. So I knew when my time was up. I jumped myself awake more than a few times off that bathroom floor. I didn't always catnap but the few quiet minutes to myself without being needed kept my sanity intact. Not sure if anything bad would have happened without that escape but I'm really glad I had it.
Forget about being sick. It was easier if they weren't when I was but how often would that happen really? Not too often. Although they would usually have the cold first and then pass it on to me. So, they would be bundles of energy crawling around wanting to play when I just wanted to crawl back up and into my bed. If only moms were that lucky. I remember once I was so done. So tired. So under the weather. I cocooned myself into a nice warm fuzzy blanket and lie down on the floor in the middle of the living room. Barney was on the tv so the boys were a little distracted. I just laid there and let them crawl all over me and lay on me and lean on me and flip over me till there hearts' content. I dozed a bit but just to get to lie there still and know they were fine and sort of rest was what I needed and had no other way of getting. I was probably there for an hour or two. Thank God for videotapes. (If only we had the DVR back then I could've stayed there all day.) You do what you have to do to survive. Especially with two!
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