I found out yesterday another one of my girlfriends, someone my age, is pregnant. I'm very happy for her but can't help wondering about how we are at different stages. Totally different stages. She is starting over again with another new baby and my babies, my first babies, will be graduating from high school come June. I'm trying to help them figure themselves out, and start their own grown up lives. All the while I'm still wondering if I'd want to start over with a new baby again. There's a large part of me that screams, "No way." And that part has certainly been growing. But there is still that small part that just goes, "Awwww a baby." Sometimes it's really hard to shut that part off.
I'm almost at the point where I've been a mom and taking care of someone else for half my life. Of course it's going to be weird. Sure my younger kids need more moming still and they'll all always be my babies but saying I'm done....? Am I really at that stage? Am I ready for that? No more cribs, diapers, onesies? All the good, and all the bad? Not ever quite the ending of being mom, but some sort of beginning being done, and being sure I'm done? Where does that leave me?
If you had seen my day today you'd probably be thinking I'm a total loon for even questioning any of this. My neighbor extra came at about 7:45 am. I took him and my four kids over to my sisters house by 9am. I was there to watch her two kids and wait for the dishwasher repairman with all the rest in tow. Sure the teens were there mostly to help me out but anyone with a teen knows that's not always the case. Seven to one is still a little crazy. We were there for a few hours and then we all trekked it home, with help from my hubby, for another 3-4 hours. It was a bit easier in my own house, and nap times kicked in, somewhat. It still was a pretty non-stop day, and then I went off to work.
So yeah, there are still a bunch of babies under this roof, at least from time to time. That fix has held me over quite well I guess. That and the fact we really can't afford a baby here anymore. But being ok with this stage? I'm still working on it. As happy as I am for my friends just having babies, first ones, middle ones, or last ones, for a little while I just want to be them. Nothing beats that feeling of a baby growing in your belly. But eventually we all have to give it up right?
I started having babies much earlier than most of my friends. I may have missed some things on the in between. As long as I've been with my husband I've had to think about babysitters for us to go out. Not having to do that eventually will be a whole new world for us. With the age difference in the kids sometimes we don't have to when the older ones are home. But when we're free of kids and they're all grown up we'll probably be a lot younger at that stage than our counterparts when we get there. What's that going to be like? Another sort of ending/beginning? I can't even think about that one now.
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