Potty Mouth

     I most certainly have one and it pisses my husband off to no end. We've had quite a few fights/discussions about it. Sometimes I just can't seem to help myself. Sometimes I'm in better control. I don't usually think too much, if at all, before I speak. This of course leads to lots of bad words coming out of my mouth. I guess because I grew up with it and my friends all spoke that way what's considered profanity to most people really doesn't have much effect on me. I try to check myself but have not done a good job of it. My one son is great proof as I catch him saying certain words lots of times. Of course I yell at him for it but I'm certainly no good example there.
     Working in the library I had somewhat better control. None of the women I worked with really spoke that way. Any time I caught myself using bad words I made note of it and tried to do better. It was also a lot quieter we didn't talk all that much. No longer at the library, I'm working at night with kids the same age and up as my own son. Prime age for swearing all over the place. Not to mention the fact that there's no drug test before being hired at my job so being high can definitely taint some conversations that go on around me every night. The guys have no qualms talking sex and body parts and all sorts of lovely things with wonderfully colorful language, racist, sexist, dirty we've got it all!. I've gotten used to it but it's in my head. It doesn't mean anything to me but you know how the longer you're around peoople the more you pick up their words or how they talk? Why wouldn't that come into play here?. The words don't have the power if you don't let them. When the guys at work declare its "fuck you melo" night and everyone says this to him every time they see him it certainly lessens the power of the word. Someone spills something it's always met with a "Dammit Calvin!" even if he's not working.
     I know it's no good for my kids to hear. I have even been told "that's a bad word" by other peoples children. That certainly embarrasses me. Knowing it bothers my husband so much every time we wind up getting into a tiff over my language I certainly make a concerted effort to change it and be better. I have tried the rubber band slapping of my own wrist, which never worked. I never have the money for a swear jar as all my singles and change go to the kids' lunch money at school and I always wind up taking out of it. The problem is that I really don't even hear it until I've said it outloud.
     After complaining about my language the other night, my husband and I were still finishing up a heated exchange and I caught myself a good ten times swearing without thinking about it. After each time I said 'sorry' and so I was certainly quite aware of how often I was doing it. I do catch myself on the phone with girlfriends sometimes too. If I even feel I'm using certain words excessively I try to back off. It's really not easy.
     My mother certainly cursed, at us, at my dad, on the phone, whatever. Maybe that's why I certainly hold no stock in the words as I hold no stock in anything that comes out of her mouth. My dad barely said much but when he was mad enough he ceratinly used some choice words. I guess it's just really up to me to think before I speak. Something that really doesn't come naturally as I like to talk and when I'm mad, hurt, or upset, I'm certainly not thinking straight much less at all before I open my mouth. Nobody's perfect right? But it certainly doesn't hurt to try to be better.