Dark Side

     My mom has told me a story about when I was in elementary school, either kindergarten or first grade. It seems they called her in to ask her about my drawings. They always seemed to be dark, done with a heavy hand and mostly in black or some other dark color. They wanted to make sure everything was ok at home. It was, but I do wish she would have kept some of these so called drawings for me to see now.
     I love many of the crime shows that are on tv now. I am obsessed with the original CSI. I can and do watch the episodes over and over again. I don't remember the outcomes unless I've seen them a few times so maybe that's a part of it. I watch CSI:NY, Bones, Unforgettable, Body of Proof, cancelled shows like Without a Trace and Cold Case were also favorites and I still watch them in repeats when I can. CSI is on every weekday except Friday and I know I can always tune it in. I hate when I forget it's Friday and I have nothing to automatically turn to. I wonder if my love of these shows has anything to do with my dark side or is it the cases and characters?
     I have read many a mystery novel also. Quite a few of James Pattersons', and I believe all of Harlan Cobens. I don't stick with many authors no matter what the genre and love to try new stuff. Dean Koontz had been a favorite for awhile but I haven't read him in some time. I like solving puzzles, they are my favorite type of game. Is that why I'm into the mysteries?
    While driving on the service road I always pass this same stretch of woods, not long ago I noticed a box set back from the road somewhat in the wooded area. It was a decent sized box someone probably tossed and it just blew back there,.I have seen plenty of garbage along this stretch. For some reason I can't explain my mind wandered elsewhere. It hooked onto this box and I couldn't help wonder what if there was some sort of body part in that box? It was certainly large enough and maybe even enough for a whole body, who knew? I have to chalk it up to my CSI obsession for thinking this way. But seriouly would anyone else out there wonder such a thing? I still wonder if I should have gone back and checked it.
     Driving is certainly not one of my favorite things to do but something we must to get from point A to point B in this world. Anyway many, many times while driving I wonder what it would feel like to crash into something. How would the impact feel, would I spin, flip, or what? My new drive to work takes me down Nichols Road crossing the overpass at Middle Country Road, both rather large busy highways. I remember being in high school heading this way before the overpass was built. Now usually it's dark and some evenings I notice how traffic is backed up on Middle Country. Recently I couldn't help noticing the guard rails and wondering how much they'd really hold, how it would feel to crash through it and fly through the air down onto Middle Country. Like floating until the smash of metal on metal or pavement? Dark side mind at work or what?
     My husband was pretty sick with a lot of breathing problems. He was snoring louder than ever and waking me and himself up at night with the stange sounds he'd make just from trying to breathe. It went on for awhile. It got pretty scary. If I got home from work after he was asleep I had a really hard time getting to sleep myself. I'd just lie there listening to him breathe, or try to breathe really. I couldn't help but wonder what if he just stopped breathing? What if he never got better? What if this killed him? What would I do? What would happen then? These may be more normal natural thoughts people have but still quite dark, no? Maybe it's just because I seem to have had a lot of these thoughts lately that I'm wondering, as we all do, is it normal?